Resolutions I Resolve To Keep!

new year

I’ll drink until I’m drunk and then just drink some more.
I’ll cease to be a lady and just become a whore.

I refuse to brush my teeth! No need for dental floss.
Toothlessness won’t worry me. I shall not miss the loss.

I’ll never brush my hair and have bedhead all day long.
Not caring about hygiene is really not so wrong.

I’ll only eat fried foods and buy ice cream by the ton.
Chocolate cake is on the menu. Give me that honey bun!

I’ll never exercise. Who needs a nice, slim waist?
I’d rather have my food and I need more than a taste.

I’ll fart and belch in public and dare anyone to frown.
There’ll be a trail of fumes as I stroll around the town.

I will not clean my house, nor will I wash my car.
I’ll live among the filth and kick bottles from the bar.

These are my resolutions that I so intend to keep.
Who cares where I’m headed? I shan’t look before I leap.

Written by,

Shelby I. Courtland
©2013 Shelby I. Courtland

25 thoughts on “Resolutions I Resolve To Keep!

    • You are so right! And that is what I told someone else. Many people at the beginning of the year, say that they are going to resolve to lose weight. Losing weight or doing anything that would benefit the body, mind and spirit is not a resolution. It is a lifestyle change and cannot be dictated by the media stating that ‘the New Year is a time to be a New You’. It just doesn’t work that way, and yet, every year, we are innundated with weight watcher’s commercials, gym membership pamphlets, et al. Then it fizzles out, people who signed up, lose interest and it’s back to the same ole habits. That is why I know that it is not a resolution, but a lifestyle change. You can’t get people to understand that.
      The above is why I posted that absolutely ridiculous list of resolutions to show just how ridiculous it is to have resolutions. People may as well have a resolution to not have resolutions. At least that’s honest.


  1. ROTFLMAO!!! Brian, you are a true wit!!! And I absolutely love it!! So, you don’t trust me, eh?? LOL Dear Brian, I am so sorry that you now have a bad opinion of me. Is there anyway that I can ‘undo’ the damage that I have caused to your ‘trust factor’? I humbly beg you to forgive me for my blatant and outrageous ‘resolution’ lies and ask you? Who the hell would believe those resolutions? LMAO!!!

    I would stop myself from going out before I would cause anyone else to frown due to my disgusting, spontaneous ‘outbursts’ of natural gases. LOL!


    • Aren’t they though? I’ll certainly have NO problem keeping those resolutions! LMAO!

      Thanks for joining in the fun Dom and a Happy New Year to you as New Year’s Eve is my numero uno holiday that I celebrate(due to giving me an excuse to overindulge in champagne toasting before AND after midnight)and the only other holiday I celebrate is Halloween. But New Year’s Eve, I always look forward too.



  2. “I think I’ll get busy with my writings again”

    Good to know! I can’t wait for the first post to appear! And believe me, this one was just to be considered too outrageously beyond belief. Of course, none of those resolutions would be mine, I’m NOT that ridiculous! I just love to have a bit of fun every now and again with the whole ‘resolutions’ nonsense.

    Hope the New Year started off well with you HLJ!


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