I’m Finally Here!

I have not been active in here due to the fact that I moved from the south(my hometown) back to the midwest. I am moving into my new home tomorrow and will be quite busy, however, I thought that I would take the time to say how glad I am to be back in the midwest. When I lived here before, I really did not appreciate what the midwest had to offer. I kept comparing the south to the midwest and the midwest always came up short, but after living in the south this past year and finding that ‘sometimes home is not where a person belongs’ and I most definitely do not belong in my old hometown, I have a different attitude about the midwest. I found so many things in the south that I could not put up with like the fact that many seem stuck in a time warp, have not moved forward and have no wish to do so. I realized that many are still fighting the War between the States and have no desire to get past the fact that it’s over and they lost. I was so tired of seeing the confederate flag on practically every pickup truck. The sheer ignorance of so many people wallowing in their ignorance was just unreal. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not speaking of everyone in the south, just what I observed in MY neck of the woods.

I also noticed that my family members are the same as they’ve always been, spiteful, selfish and with an it’s “all about me” attitude. Some things never change, unfortunately. I am not like them, never wanted to be like them and really never had much to do with them. I am so thankful that I had it in me to leave, to explore, to broaden my horizons and become a ‘people person’, someone who cares about others. I have no intention of ever going back. I am done! I put my life on hold to go there and take care of my mother because I had gotten a phone call that she was ill. Words almost fail me trying to describe my mother. What I found was an extremely bitter, hateful and disrespectful woman who treated the few people who would put up with her as though she was doing them a favor. No, I am not perfect, but I did everything I could do for her, even offered to bring her back with me, but it came to a point where I had to say, “enough is enough, I’m done, stick a fork in me.” I packed up and left and I have no regrets. What shall become of her? I don’t know and I don’t care. This may sound cold, but that is how I feel.

And so, now…I look forward and not backward, not again. The next step for me is to continue to do what I can to bring to the forefront the issues that people are confronted with on a daily basis and who have no voice.

I found that home is not for me.
It is not the place I want to be.
I’ve traveled near and traveled far.
I followed each and every star.
I then decided to follow my heart.
An old home found me and I’m making a new start.

5 thoughts on “I’m Finally Here!

  1. You can never go home again. The memories of the good things and good times are just that, memories. They’re gone and will never be the same. Those thing that push a person away though most often remain the same. Unchanged by time and unchanged by people who are not willing to let go of the past long enough to see the beauty of a life beyond petty bitterness.

    Happiness for today will never be found by wallowing in yesterday’s misery and bitterness, all that will be found there will be a heavy heart.

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    • Brian, you are so right. For many of us, we shouldn’t even attempt to go home again for obvious reasons. Every time I went back, I was confronted with the same scenario described in this blog. Only, since my mother was ill, I was apparently ‘delusional’ in thinking that severe illness and needing assistance could change a person, needless to say, I was so completely wrong, it’s ridiculous. How people can remain so hateful, so bitter, so selfish and self-serving is so beyond my comprehension it is unreal and of that, I am glad.

      Thank you for your comment. Every single word of it is right on point. My situation is proof of that.

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      • though others may not respond in a manner that we hope for, doing what is right is for us in the first place. you saw the need and did what your heart told you was right for you to be doing. you weren’t completely wrong to go and do for your mother. only the delusion existed in that she might change. you can only change yourself and if you did not go and follow your heart, you would at sometime in the future regret it. though the outcome does not meet our hopes does not mean that our actions are in vain. they are there to make us, not necessarily someone else a better person.

        though disappointed, in your heart and way down deep, you know you did right.

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  2. Brian, once again…I have to state that I agree with you. I would have beaten myself up with guilt if I hadn’t gone. When I got the call that my dad was seriously ill, I dropped everything and went back and took care of him until his death and did for him what my mother and the rest of my family who lived there refused to do. And so, I have done all that I can and will do because as I observed, I would be waiting in vain for them to change because they will not, nor do they want to.
    Yes, in my heart, I know that I did right and I am glad that I went because the experience opened my eyes, made me more aware of what I had been disparaging and the fact that things could always be worse as that is what I found there and why I will never go back willingly. I know there is a saying, “never say never,” but in this instance, I think that I can state that with finality.

    Again, thank you for your words of wisdom, my friend.

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