Robert, thanks for posting this one as I have just got to have some fun with it. This message is for the ‘white supremacist’ dude who found out that he has African DNA. LMAO!!!
Dude, I feel your pain! As you can tell from my picture, I thought that I was Black and at one time, I defined myself as a Black supremacist, that is until a family reunion turned up so many white folks, I thought that I had mistakenly found my way to a ‘skin head’ rally. I was shocked and I wrote to the ‘Sopra Dimfrey Show’ and requested DNA testing because I no longer knew who I was. I had gone on for so many years, thinking that I was Black, a member of the superior race of people who hate anybody not looking like us. I denounced white folks day in and day out. I even donned a black sheet with eye slits and paraded up and down the streets shouting, “down with ‘crackas’, up with Black pride.” I went so far as to spray paint a neighbor’s house with the following message: “get out, we don’t want no ‘crackas’ here!” I moved into a ‘gated community’ to get away from those trashy whites who were bringing down the neighborhood and would you believe it? Those nasty ass whites followed me into my exclusive gated community. Unbelievable! How could they let such trash into gated communities? That was beyond the end of enough. I decided that I was going to take matters into my own hands and form a Black supremacy group that would go out and terrorize white folks and show them how hated and despised they were. I put up signs stating that this town was a “‘Blacks only town’ white trash get out!”
Nothing worked! Those nasty ass crackas just kept on moving in and destroying my Utopian neighborhood with their Starbucks on every damn corner and a goddamn dog park. Seriously! I’m like, “you crackas take better care of your dogs than you do most patients at a hospital.”
So, after going on the ‘Sopra Dimfrey’ Show, the bad news came back. DNA proved that I was, gasp! White!!! To say that I was shocked is THE understatement of the year! Every belief that I had held about myself as being superior was gone. When I got back to my community, someone had defaced my property with graffiti stating, “white trash, get out!” I was stunned! The next thing I know, I get a new census form and a letter accompanying it advising me to check all appropriate ethnicity boxes. What the hell!!! I couldn’t believe this shit! Someone had even checked the box ‘Caucasian’ for me.
Dude, my life ain’t been the same. Since DNA proved that I was white, I get credit cards in the mail. My credit score shot through the roof. I was invited on the Rush Limpballs show. John Mayer wants to date me. I was offered a job by George W. Bush, paying seven figures and the work was so easy, I was suspicious because how many people get paid seven figures to just listen to their boss say, “I did not commit war crimes.” I even met Twit Cheney and guess what, he shook my hand. Now, when Twit Cheney shakes your hand and introduces you to his friends at Haliburton, you just know that you got to be all THE shit! Male models are vying to ride shotgun with me. I get into the VIP section in restaurants. I’m invited to join country clubs. A whole damn world opened up for me that I had never known existed and all because of a goddamn DNA test that proved I was ‘white’. Damn! I guess I should not complain that I am no longer accepted by my brothers and sisters in the Black Supremacist Group. They said that I am just too damn white for them! It still hurts, but I gotta say, the perks I get for being ‘white’ more than make up for that shit. So dude, I know that you are ‘Black’ now, but hey! Since I’m in this great position, I’m gonna help you out. You can be http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Butler! Hey! Don’t cry! It beats plantation life!
And Dude, remember this excerpt from a poem I came across!
“Why hate me for MY complexion?”
“This could have been YOUR reflection!”
Oops! Damn! My bad! I forgot we traded places. You’re now Black and I’m white! I guess it’s something to ‘what goes around comes around’ after all, eh? Now, stop crying, willya??? Just because you got my credit score and I’ve got yours, you’ll still be able to buy a car. Just go to this website.
Buy Your Dream Car—for Less Than $6000
I’ve already called ahead for you. I got you the hook-up! The dealership, because I sent you, is gonna throw in a brand spanking new 8-track tape player, a steering wheel AND brakes! Life is getting better for you by the minute! Now, buck up!