I Feel Your Pain! LMAO!

White supremacist house was spray painted, "Black Is Back!" LMAO!
White supremacist house was spray painted, “Black Is Back!”


Robert, thanks for posting this one as I have just got to have some fun with it. This message is for the ‘white supremacist’ dude who found out that he has African DNA. LMAO!!!

Dude, I feel your pain! As you can tell from my picture, I thought that I was Black and at one time, I defined myself as a Black supremacist, that is until a family reunion turned up so many white folks, I thought that I had mistakenly found my way to a ‘skin head’ rally. I was shocked and I wrote to the ‘Sopra Dimfrey Show’ and requested DNA testing because I no longer knew who I was. I had gone on for so many years, thinking that I was Black, a member of the superior race of people who hate anybody not looking like us. I denounced white folks day in and day out. I even donned a black sheet with eye slits and paraded up and down the streets shouting, “down with ‘crackas’, up with Black pride.” I went so far as to spray paint a neighbor’s house with the following message: “get out, we don’t want no ‘crackas’ here!” I moved into a ‘gated community’ to get away from those trashy whites who were bringing down the neighborhood and would you believe it? Those nasty ass whites followed me into my exclusive gated community. Unbelievable! How could they let such trash into gated communities? That was beyond the end of enough. I decided that I was going to take matters into my own hands and form a Black supremacy group that would go out and terrorize white folks and show them how hated and despised they were. I put up signs stating that this town was a “‘Blacks only town’ white trash get out!”

Nothing worked! Those nasty ass crackas just kept on moving in and destroying my Utopian neighborhood with their Starbucks on every damn corner and a goddamn dog park. Seriously! I’m like, “you crackas take better care of your dogs than you do most patients at a hospital.”

So, after going on the ‘Sopra Dimfrey’ Show, the bad news came back. DNA proved that I was, gasp! White!!! To say that I was shocked is THE understatement of the year! Every belief that I had held about myself as being superior was gone. When I got back to my community, someone had defaced my property with graffiti stating, “white trash, get out!” I was stunned! The next thing I know, I get a new census form and a letter accompanying it advising me to check all appropriate ethnicity boxes. What the hell!!! I couldn’t believe this shit! Someone had even checked the box ‘Caucasian’ for me.

Dude, my life ain’t been the same. Since DNA proved that I was white, I get credit cards in the mail. My credit score shot through the roof. I was invited on the Rush Limpballs show. John Mayer wants to date me. I was offered a job by George W. Bush, paying seven figures and the work was so easy, I was suspicious because how many people get paid seven figures to just listen to their boss say, “I did not commit war crimes.” I even met Twit Cheney and guess what, he shook my hand. Now, when Twit Cheney shakes your hand and introduces you to his friends at Haliburton, you just know that you got to be all THE shit! Male models are vying to ride shotgun with me. I get into the VIP section in restaurants. I’m invited to join country clubs. A whole damn world opened up for me that I had never known existed and all because of a goddamn DNA test that proved I was ‘white’. Damn! I guess I should not complain that I am no longer accepted by my brothers and sisters in the Black Supremacist Group. They said that I am just too damn white for them! It still hurts, but I gotta say, the perks I get for being ‘white’ more than make up for that shit. So dude, I know that you are ‘Black’ now, but hey! Since I’m in this great position, I’m gonna help you out. You can be http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Butler! Hey! Don’t cry! It beats plantation life!

And Dude, remember this excerpt from a poem I came across!

“Why hate me for MY complexion?”
“This could have been YOUR reflection!”

Oops! Damn! My bad! I forgot we traded places. You’re now Black and I’m white! I guess it’s something to ‘what goes around comes around’ after all, eh? Now, stop crying, willya??? Just because you got my credit score and I’ve got yours, you’ll still be able to buy a car. Just go to this website.

Buy Your Dream Car—for Less Than $6000

I’ve already called ahead for you. I got you the hook-up! The dealership, because I sent you, is gonna throw in a brand spanking new 8-track tape player, a steering wheel AND brakes! Life is getting better for you by the minute! Now, buck up!

12 thoughts on “I Feel Your Pain! LMAO!

  1. “Since DNA proved that I was white, I get credit cards in the mail. My credit score shot through the roof.”…now that’s funny. Good to see you back, Shelby.


  2. Shelby, This is too good – Schadenfreude time, for sure! I know, as compassionate people, we should find a support group for this changeling, or trauma counseling. Racists Anonymous? — I’ll Google it. I mean really, what does he do with all that hate and ignorance he’s spent his whole life cherishing? Then again, it can’t be long before this bastard gets his own talk show. It could just eclipse the damn Kardashians, and Duck Dynasty too.

    Actually, I should be more sympathetic, given my own experience. I’m reluctant to bring this up — and I’ll totally understand if you kick me off your blog and block my comments now. But, well, the fact is, there are Cheneys in my mom’s family, who moved out west in the 1880’s. And we’ve lost track of most of them by now. Since the Secret Service and Homeland Security have never investigated us … that we know of … I’m fervently praying it’s just a nasty coincidence. But what if it’s not? Bootleggers, wife-beaters, marijuana ranchers, killers, morphine addicts,cops … and criminals — hell yes, my family’s had all that and more. But self-satisfied, smug, genocidal war criminals? I just can’t face that level of depravity over the potato salad or banana pudding at the next family reunion. You can’t help who your cousins are, I know that. But no way am I getting anywhere near Ancestry.com or any of that geneology shit! – Linda


    1. Well…as you can see, I am all ready to try and help dude out. I suffered the same problem after finding out that I am indeed, ‘white’! Shut my mouth! LOL!! Yes, dude will cry ‘foul’ and piss and bemoan his newfound ‘reduced status’ and get on a few talk shows and they’ll ask the usual questions like, “how has this changed your life?” Duh! How the hell do they expect? His credit cards are being denied. He can no longer get into the ‘whites’ only country club. He must give up his elite VIP membership in the NRA. Sarah Pal(e)n has just uninvited him to dinner. He’ll be smacked sideways if he ever attends another white supremacy group meeting and possibly lynched. So, dude should just take my job offer and become my ‘butler’. I promise to treat him fair and square. *crossing my fingers* (Yeah, right!)

      Linda, you do not have to step softly in here as you see I don’t. I always welcome comments and you certainly cannot help who you are related to. Hell! I would trade my family in if I could, but unfortunately, I still have to claim them. I moved away from them, a loooooong way away from them, but after all is said and done, they’re my mucked up relatives. Even if you do have Twit Cheneys in your family, they are not who YOU are. I am just glad that you liked this. I covered as much ground as I could that early in the morning. And hey! Without humor in our lives, where would we be, eh?


      1. Ah Shelby, what’s not to like? It’s a funny-always bit of absurdity, and you’ve done it justice. You do wonder though, how such a model citizen will be able to process such disturbing info. Working his way through the (whaat is it?) seven stages of grief for his lost status? When you think of it, can you even believe the stupid, pathetic shit we find to take pride in? But we’re the pinnacle of intelligent design. Now ** THAT! ** is a truly funny notion.

        And thank you for being so magnanimous! It still feels a bit like admitting I might be related to Adolf Hitler or Hernán Cortés or something though. On the bright side, this may be enough to get me out of babysitting anyone’s hellish children or pets. Worth a try. – Linda


  3. Shelby, you’re killing me!!! “Black supremacist… down with Crackas… my credit score shot through the roof…” Holy shit, that’s funny! Damn, I wish this post could get a big audience. Have you considered emailing it to Mellisa Harris-Perry or Toure or somebody else in the media? They might like it.


    1. Ha! Robert! So glad you like it! I owe it all to you! If your blog hadn’t put me on to this, I would never have produced this and from the minute I read your blog, it just wouldn’t leave until I had to do something with it!

      I just checked my blog stats today and just like my credit score since the DNA test came back stating that ‘I’m white’, the stats have shot through the roof, based on this post alone and following a close second is ‘A Child Was Born In Bethlehem’. This one is definitely getting the hits. Again, I thank you for the inspiration! Take your bow, my good man, take your bow!

      As far as sending it on? I think that some would be a bit ‘overwhelmed’ by my ‘honesty’ shall we say?


  4. Linda, I look at this way. It couldn’t have happened to a more ‘deserving’ white supremacist. ROFLMAO!! And I refuse to dig into my background because, hell! Even I could be related to Hitler! “Mein Gott!”

    And Linda, I’m putting you down for babysitting Little Johnny on Thanksgiving! Suit up! You’re gonna need full military gear, Tomahawk Missiles and a tank! Better leave the crocs at home and get you some steel-toed boots! Ha! Ha!


    1. And a hard-hat too? Oh damn! When will I ever learn to keep my big mouth shut? Sigh. Time to shut up and soldier now, I guess. And get ready to feel my own pain.

      For that which we are about to receive, oh Shelby, make us truly thankful. Gobble, gobble. – Linda


      1. I can see that you are still around, so you must have taken my advice about using that ‘tank’. Good that you made it through! We will not call on you to babysit anymore bad ass kids! LOL!! You’re a real trooper, Linda! Bless your heart!!


  5. I’m still here, thanks. But it was a near thing. I’ll never again doubt the power of prayer. And heavy artillery. Tell the good Reverend my back tithes will be in the mail as soon as the Workers comp. money comes through. – Linda


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