I Dedicate This One To Linda And Tubularsock! LMAO!!!

For Linda and Tube

If I should need a pick me up, whenever I feel down,
I’ll check to see if Linda and Tube are in my town.

They’re in a class all by themselves and both of them I love.
They complement each other, as a hand goes in a glove.

Tube is my PR man and a top notch one he is,
while Linda babysits the neighbor’s bad ass kids.

Linda’s tithes are paid in full; I toast her with some wine.
It’s left to Tube to pay the bill; on lobster, we will dine.

The Reverend is a sly one who never, ever pays.
Linda sneaks some cash to Tube, she knows the Reverend’s ways.

As the Reverend does a dine and dash, her stiletto heels do click.
She’s away before the bill arrives; the Reverend’s just that quick.

So, to all who read this poem, these three are all good friends,
until the Reverend counts her church’s dividends.

After that, all bets are off and there’ll be no musketeers.
The Reverend throws them out and boxes both their ears.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
© 2013 Shelby I. Courtland

Linda can be found at http://llfrederick.wordpress.com/ and Tube can be found at http://tubularsock.com/

You’re simply THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

27 thoughts on “I Dedicate This One To Linda And Tubularsock! LMAO!!!

    • Jeff, that IS the truth! Both Linda and Tube are indeed, one of a kind! I think the world of them both!! Their sense of humor and wit is unparalleled. Sometimes, I am unable to respond because when I try and come up with a response, I double over with laughter, literally fall on the floor and can think of nothing suitable. And I, myself, have been told to consider doing ‘stand-up’. Hell! I bow out and give them the floor!!!!!

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  1. Ok! Stop the horses, stop the clowns
    Shelby is running loose with thoughts abound.

    She runs her number, with her thoughts that arise
    And I can’t speak for Linda, but Tube’s not surprised.

    Often when friendship and money collide
    The Good Reverend is right there on the sly.

    Grabbing the cash is what she will do
    But only in God’s name and an IOU.

    Sure Reverend Courtland’s stilettos do click
    Whenever the bill is presented so quick.

    She dashes and darts that results in a spark
    And what can I say, leaves us all in the dark.

    So always remember be aware and alert
    Or else like in Vegus she’ll take your whole shirt!

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    • Excellent Tube! Most excellent! I am a sly one, that I am! The ‘good’ Reverend did not amass a fortune by picking up the tab, oh no! That is not the ‘good’ Reverend’s way! I thank you so much for dinner. Yummy!, was the lobster tails! The next time, dinner is on me! And if you believe that, I’ve also got a really nice bridge that I’ll let you pick off me for a song.

      You have just got to stop ‘besting’ me on poetry. I am no longer the reigning champion of verse. I am in second place as you and Linda are neck in neck for first.

      And don’t blame Linda, it was me who took your shirt while you were arguing with the waiter and I also ‘lifted’ your Rolex, but if you want your shirt back(and it’s a nice one)you’ll have to come to my next Sunday sermon and don’t forget to bring your checkbook and ALL MAJOR credit cards. Even though, it is YOUR shirt AND Rolex watch, oh!, and did you notice that you are missing two hub caps? I have them too! I will sell them back to you, dirt cheap! TRUST me!!!! I am as honest as Obama’s Administration is transparent. Cya at the ‘Church of the Holy Rollers’ cause that’s how we roll!!! I knew I’d find a way to get ya there!!! LMAO!!!!

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  2. Shelby, I’m overwhelmed and speechless … well, almost. Thank you so much – I think! – Linda

    there’s something in this lavish praise
    that’s really most unnerving.
    could be I’m wondering, where’s the catch,
    could be the guilt of the undeserving.

    I’m no match for Shelby, or Tubularsock,
    in skill or smarts or speed.
    they flash and soar, or softly pounce,
    as I crawl in their wake like a centipede.

    I plod, they dance, or run the bulls,
    and kick out all the jams.
    exposing bullshit, shouting truth,
    or workhing one of the Reverend’s scams!

    trying to keep pace with these bold spirits
    is such a roller coaster.
    one day your crown’s a laurel wreath,
    nextday you’re on a wanted poster!

    the origin of the footwear riff?
    that’s really hard to say.
    but in socks or crocs or stiletto heels,
    we’ll try to change the world today!

    and if we can’t, we’ll carry on,
    we’re bound to keep on going.
    so look out world, be on your guard!
    where we strike next there’s just no nnowing …

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    • Oh Damn! Damn! Damn! Linda, stop telling on me! No one goes to the Post Office anymore. Now, you’ve gone and done it! Told everyone that there’s a, GASP!, Wanted Poster of me on the Post Office wall of shame and criminality. You just cannot keep things on the down low. I can see now that I am gonna have to place another call to Vinnie’s Concrete Shoes and Pizza Company on the South Side of Chicago and place another ‘order’ to settle a score!! LOL!!

      And Linda, don’t sell yourself short! You’ve got one helluva great mind and you can run with the best of ’em! Let me tell you!!! I am the one who is speechless by your comment! I absolutely love it!! If you haven’t gotten us down to a ‘T’, then I’m not a scam artist, money-loving Reverend and we both know that I am! Great balls of ‘christian’ hellfire!!!! I may see the light yet!!! Uh…but don’t anybody hold their breath over THAT happening. LOL!!!

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      • Whoah! Please, not so fast Shelby — it was just a figure of speech! If anything, I meant ** I ** was apt to be on a wanted poster … parents are SO suspicious of every little scrape their kids come home with these days … Not you!! Unless that Macey’s business hasn’t been cleared up yet, your record’s clean, as far as I know. But if you talk to him, say hey to Uncle Vinnie for me. And thanks again for the kind words … very nice while they lasted. – Linda

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  3. ….and before I forget, you guys are extremely popular! You’re getting the hits and then some!!! Even more than ‘The Homeless Prostitute’ and THAT’S saying something!!! Buleee-dat!!!!! The nasty, tricky dicks are casting their sights on you guys!! But don’t worry, I’ll handle that shit!!!

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  4. Linda, since you’ve been so nice and thoughtful, I am going to babysit Little Johnny and give you a rest and since I’ve been asked to babysit him when I will be giving a sermon at the ‘Church of the Holy Rollers’, the little ‘devil’, uh…I mean ‘darling, will be in attendance. Have mercy! That Sunday sermon will be one for the record books, no doubt!! AMEN!!!!

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    • Have mercy indeed! I’ve always said you’re a brave woman. But this? The prudent thing might be to baptize that little convict, er, convert — and hold him under plenty long enough to make sure he sees jesus. I suppose it would be wrong. But still prudent. – Linda

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      • See, this is exactly what I mean! Who, but Linda could come up with a comment THAT witty?!!! LMAO!!! I love it!!!!

        I can see that I’ve got to be on my toes around you and wearing 18″stilletto heels, that ain’t gonna be so easy to pull off!

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    • Tube, thanks to you and Vinnie’s Concrete Shoes and Pizza Company on the South Side of Chicago, we’re gonna have Little badass Johnny under control at my palace of worship. Since, you’ve cut the little bastard down to size, we can take it from there. Linda already rolled over his little ass several times with a military tank and the little SOB just kept getting back up and when Linda finished her babysitting gig, she glanced back and he was tearing unholy hell out of his stupid parents. LMAO!!! That’s what they get for going to a ‘sperm bank’! You never know what you’ll pick up. They’ll tell you anything to get that shit up outta there!

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  5. Ok. Tubularsock has to admit that you both are on the cutting edge of child rearing or is it removal? Whatever. The point happens to be that “stupid parents” are being used by the unsavory bankers of the “sperm bank”. Damn the 1%!

    Any time you get sperm from a “sperm bank” at the discount window and really expect to mark it up after you purchase it and turn it around for a profit …….. well it’s a dangerous game even if the FED isn’t charging interest on overnight transactions.

    “Egg banks” too have their problems.

    And what about the issues that arise in the derivatives market? If you bundle bad sperm with good eggs and then up-sell the entire package as a good investment only to end up with fucked-up-Johnny ……….. well BUYER BEWARE!

    As you both know …… “offspring” is a very elusive term. Sounds like the parents were wound too tight! Just say’en.

    And good luck with his religious persecution, I mean “training”.

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    • Linda had advised an ‘exorcism’ and that is NOT off the table. Brother Thlug, since he has a friend at the NSA, is going to put some ‘feelers’ out and see if they can’t track down the ‘sperm’ donor since it’s supposed to be so confidential and all. When you’ve got a badass as bad as Little Johnny even after he’s been paid a visit by Vinnie’s ’employees’, has been run over multiple times by a tank and is worse than LittleTearHellUp, he’s more than just a ‘problem child’!! I am hiring the best magician in the field of magic to get rid of Little Johnny’s ass. His parents will thank me, I’m sure!

      The reason that I think it is of paramount importance to find the ‘sperm’ donor is to get rid of him too as we need no more badass Little Johnny’s. I just hope we’re not too late! We may need to call in the hounds of hell on this case!!! I’ve also increased my supply of ‘holy water’. Let’s see how he responds to that when I baptize the little shit in it.

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      • Reverend Courtland. Saints be praised! Exorcism is really the way to go here. Funny that you mention “holy water” because I am just finishing my second glass as I write this. Amen!

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  6. “finishing my second glass”

    Then ‘holy’ water it is and I must say that I just started my first. Now, I was calling it ‘medicinal’ since I am still ‘thawing’ out from having walked a few miles in the process of ‘gearing’ up for the Homeless March. Need a little something, something to ‘oil’ the gears when the ‘hawk’ is biting! Warmth flows through the veins with a little ‘medicinal holy water’ in the system. My! That’s some ‘good’ stuff! The Reverend’s own stash!!! ‘Courtland’s Finest’ is what I was calling it! Hallelujah!!!!

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      • Well, still I say, I did NOT do it all by myself!!! You guys are fun and funny and you damn well know it!! I am toasting you both at this very moment.

        “Here’s to Linda and Tube, the best of the best, the daring duo, the party of life and the life of the party and the Academy Award Winners Hall of Famers in Comedy!” *sip* *sip*

        Damn! I froze my champagne! I’ll toast again as soon it thaws! Hell! I’m in need of thawing and so is muh drink! Geesh!!!

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