As I Kick 2013’s Ass To The Curb…

"Vive la Champagne, France!...uh, I mean, Happy New Year!"
“Vive la Champagne, France!…uh, I mean, Happy New Year!”

I want to take this opportunity to say that I started blogging in February and as this is a relatively new blog, it has seen a lot of action; some good, some not so good. But after the dust settles from dust-ups, set-backs, moves(criss-crossing the country and almost into Canada)tears, laughter, anger(a damn helluva lot of anger), frustration, screams, moans, groans, 50 million “I quits!,” and that’s just the GOOD! Just kidding. It ain’t ALL been bad! This ‘good’ girl gone bad nevertheless! Hell ya!

I would like to say that there are so many great people on WordPress that I have ‘virtually’ met and no, I did not say, “virtuously” because most of you know that you’re not ‘virtuous’. Don’t even try it! My bullshitometer is working on overdrive. But be that as it may, you guys are the best of the best. We’ve created our own press releases, our own hot-off-the-presses, our own awards and ceremonies We’ve recognized the creative genius in each other and we’ve had no problem sharing the fact that we’ve all learned and been inspired by one another. In this crazy, wacked-out cyber world we have here, we’ve somehow managed to find a little corner where we all come to connect and see what each of us are up to; what our hopes and thoughts are for a better world for everyone. We’ve had some fun many times because without humor, seriously…how would we make it through these hard times.

Mainstream media’s lies, half-truths and flat out contempt for the truth is what is spurring most of us to continue into 2014. If they refuse to be a voice for the voiceless; for the innocents who are slaughtered on a daily basis, for those who are detained without due process, for those who commit no crimes, but are incarcerated, for those who are homeless, jobless and lacking food and healthcare, then we will. Mainstream media has turned its collective back on the poor souls who are fucked and fucked up. We will not let their plight go unnoticed. We will continue to point out the disparities in income, education and incarceration. We will continue to shed light on corruption. We will continue to call bullshit, “bullshit!” We’re not slackers, we’re attackers of the lies. We want the goddamn truth! And by god, we’ll stomp a mud hole in some lying politician’s ass; quick, fast and in a hurry to get at the truth. Hell no! We don’t half-step, not a bit of it!

And so, as we head into 2014, we are all aware that the battle is not over. This year is going to be a pivotal one as this is the year for mid-term elections in god awful US of Amurderer. Guantanamo is still open, drones are still raining on the heads of innocents, our rights have fled the building and we are under assault, every day. Yet, we have not given up. Yes, we are fucked(I am SO eloquent, not to mention..nice)but even as we acknowledge this, we also acknowledge the fact that though we may be fucked, we’ve still got some semblance of fight in us and with what little we have, we will strive to push the fuckers back!

Get your pitchforks ready, sharpen your pencils, put your helmet on and let’s go get ’em!

Love and power to the peons!!!

Every voice counts and is needed and guillotine the motherfuckers!!!

Happy productive New Year!!!!

(Oh, and just call me “Madame Shabela!” I tell fortunes and give advice to the lovelorn and the fucked up) and business is booming, ‘doncha’ know!

26 thoughts on “As I Kick 2013’s Ass To The Curb…

    1. Ahhh…how very kind you are Jeff to say that! Thank you SO very much for encouraging and inspiring me and your job is not over. I know! I know! You’re heaving a big SIGH!!!! But I promise to try not to cause you too much grief in 2014. LOL!

      Thanks again Jeff and those of us who have been over to your blog know that you are THE blogger of the YEAR!!

      Best to you and yours and enjoy New Year’s!

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  1. A very Happy New Year to you Madame Shabela, you seer and teller of fortunes, inspiration and defender of the meek, trumpeter and hollerer of the truth, spreader of joy and uproarious laughter! May your voice grow even louder and your wrath more fearsome and the laughs continue in 2014.

    Whenever I encounter unbridled foolishness, I personally will be spreading this meme, “You better lift your game boy/girl, or Madame Shabela will get you!”

    Thank you so much for making my 2013 the year of “get your friggin’ power back girlfriend or they’ll eat you alive.” Amazing to have met you, wishing you much success, and did I mention that you are awesome? No? Hmm,…. You’re awesome!

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    1. Ah, Robyn, what can I answer back to that? Me head’s all fuzzy, wuzzy from imbibing too much “Vive la Champagne!” I can’t find one of my 18″ stiletto heels and I’m also missing my bolero. If a video surfaces on YouTube, I most adamantly and ferociously deny any involvement in outrageous partying to the effect that the video of it would go, VIRAL!! I am a simpering Victorian virgin, I am I say! That’s MY story and I’m sticking to it, in case anybody asks.

      But seriously, thank you so much for that comment because even though my head is not what it should be at the moment, nevertheless, I am getting an even bigger head from your kind words. They mean the world to me just as you do!!! Just ask and Madame Shabela will attempt to grant ALL of your wishes in this new 2014. And I throw “Awesome” right back atcha, ’cause ya are!!!

      Bless your heart and thank you ever so much again!!!

      Madame Shabela, Gypsy Warrior Princess of the “Antibulloshit Tribe!”

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  2. You know Tubularsock just hates to join in with this “you’re great Shelby” crap BUT I have to agree that YOU are great and I have enjoyed your excellent poetry and your wonderful stances on subjects that make us all angry.

    You are a lot of fun bouncing foolishness off of and creating some corny positions to defend.

    All in all thanks for being you and for all the work you do creating a very valuable blog.

    Ok, ok …….. Happy New Year from Tubularsock. I just hate being nice but that will be the last time this year!

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    1. The one and ONLY Tubularsock! The man who makes ALL others pale by comparison. Not to mention, the best PR representative a person like me could ever want. And gosh and golly gee, do I need great PR representation.

      Tubularsock, this may come as a Tubularshock to you, but you have stolen this good girl’s gypsy fund, give it back!!! LOL!

      Seriously, dahlin’ Tube, you have no idea of the high regard that I have for you! And no, this is not a champagne hangover talking. This ‘good girl gone bad’ has a soft spot in her heart for you, dear, dear Tube and as much as we will most likely ‘fight’ in this New Year, always know that what trumps our pretend battles is my sincere pleasure in reading everything you post and seeing a message and a new blog post from you! You are a stand-out in ANY crowd! Your wit and humor makes you extremely ‘lovable’ even though you would dearly love to be seen as the most ornery, i.e., bad-tempered, grumpy, disagreeable, grouchy rascal that ever walked the face of this planet that man has managed to fuck up!

      You keep getting angry and pound out those excellent posts of yours that in turn gets the rest of us angry and then we in turn, pound another one and the cycle continues. Fun, you say? Me, fun?…Tube, fun is synonymous with YOU! Or should I say, you’re funny as all get out!! And go back to not being nice, I would want you NO other way; you rascally, cranky, disagreeable, grump! *wink*

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    1. Stuartbramhall, you are a true Rebel with a cause!! I am a lover of Rebels, just not the southern ones. Can’t abide them, no ma’am! LOL! Stuart, I think that I am going to have to get this Revolution started! As soon as I finish printing over my “Vive la Champagne, France!” signs with “Vive la Worldwide Revolucion!” I will, of course, post it here for all to see. Many of us have either next to nothing to lose or nothing at all to lose and yet we live in fear. Somehow, someway, that must change because before change can take place, we must replace fear with courage and realize that further sacrifices must be made. I hate to say this, but I think that I will most likely have to sacrifice my not having a criminal record and exchange it for multiple arrests on charges of civil disobedience, refusing to unseat myself from in the middle of the street, instigating a riot and then resisting arrest, kicking the police in the balls, head butting an officer of the law, refusing to leave a federal building and refusing to stop panhandling outside of Wal-Mart, just for starters. Not to mention, doing all of this while brandishing a pitchfork! I am almost ready. Sign re-printing is about to commence!

      …and thank you so much Stuart for all that you do and for all the great links that only you seem able to dig up and post that are extremely relevant to a particular topic.

      I can only hope that with the ringing in of this new year, we ring in the potential for change for the better, for ALL of us I can but hope!! Best wishes for the New Year Stuart!

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    1. Robert, who always manages to post something that gets my goat up! Amen! Oops, I forgot. I am no longer the good’ Reverend. I have exchanged one hat for another, that of “Madame Shabela, Gypsy Warrior Princess of the Anitbulloshit Tribe!” I tell your fortune which consists of fortunes. May you and your family have a fortune filled and most Happy New Year. And thank you so very much for being the dear, dear blogging friend that you are!! Believe me, you are appreciated for ALL that you bring to the table!! On that, you can depend!!

      Happy, happy New Year, my friend!!!!

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  3. Hell, I’m behind already — on New Year’s Day! I’m still trying to summon enough resolution to … make a resolution. Too late now? Oh well, maybe next year. I’m just hoping I have the strength and stamina to keep up with you and all our wild and woolly bloggers for another year! It’s too damn much fun to quit now.

    Madame Shabela, I second or third all the previous laudatory comments! You do great work …if the fortune-telling gig doesn’t turn out to be too time-consuming; with all that’s going on, you may do a booming business this year.

    But I have a dumb question. Will we have formal drills with the pitchforks, or will we assume we all get enough practice raking up bullshit so extra work won’t be needed? My best one’s in for repairs for a few bent tines — when will I ever learn to haul out the crowbar when I really need it? — but my old rusty backup fork’s ready for immediate duty. As a bonus, it may still have lots of lovely tetanus germs on it, in case we have to resort to biological warfare. (Remember, they tell us to get a booster shot for that every five or ten years.) I’m hoping we can keep to good clean dirty fighting though.

    Never mind, let the chips fall where they may. The bastards have had more than fair warning, so as Tom Morello would say, motherfuckers … here we come!

    To Shelby, to the once and former Reverend Courtland, to Madame Shabela gypsy warrior princess, and to all right-minded souls within reach, happy 2014 – from Linda … and Bessie

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    1. To my favorite comedienne extraordinaire, where would we ALL be without you to double us over with unrestrained laughter? We love you and BESSIE and there is no need for ANYONE to recommend a straightjacket for you or me since I have more alter-egos than a schizophrenic because we are crazy like a FOX, not to mention that we’re FOXY and SEXY as hell! Foxy, sexy and funny is a knockout, winning combination, indeed we both know this! We leave ’em gasping and always shouting for, “MORE, MORE, MORE!” We know to always leave your audience wanting more, demanding more! Sexy sirens, that we are! With your crocs and my stilettos and our bent or unbent pitchforks, we’ll rake the bullshit up and in the garbage it will go! We take no shit, bull or otherwise and we give better than we get! Everybody got that?!!! LOL!!

      To answer your question, I think our bullshitometer is lubed, grooved and ready to rumble! We need no practice as we’ve seen and heard too much bullshit this past year to be unaware of when we’re faced with it. I’ve declared war on bullshit! Yes, I have! And yes, the bastards have had more than enough fair warning. As they say, “all is fair in love and war, and this IS war!” I am on the right side and to be on the side with you guys will give me the impetus I need to keep going forward.

      We just might have a few by their sweaty balls this year due to mid-terms, so let us make use of this. When there are town-halls, show up en-mass and call their bullshit, “bullshit!” Don’t worry about getting escorted out, just make sure that someone is videotaping it and fall down and scream, “my back, my legs!” Proceed with an outrageous amount of moans and groans to the point that you make no sense when attempting to answer questions. Carry no I.D. and give your name as Sister LindaComedyAct and tell them, once you’re in the ambulance, to call your Uncle Vinnie of the Concrete Shoes and Pizza Shop on the South Side of Chicago. Tell them, amidst moaning and groaning that you are personal friends with the head of the most magnificent PR firm in the world and that you know the Pope. Be sure to remember to say that you will call for Madame Shabela Warrior Princess of the Anitbulloshit Tribe to commence to cast spells that will turn politicians into rabid dogs and we all know what needs to be done to those! Amen! Damn, so many alter egos and they just refuse to lie low! Me thinks the ‘good’ Reverend veel be bauk!!

      Linda, Happy New Year to you and your beautiful precious family and may you know only happiness and good health in all the years to come!!!

      Love from Madame Shabela, Gypsy Warrior Princess of the Antibulloshit Tribe!

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    1. A clone? Ooh — we may need divine intervention yet! But hey, better you have a clone than … any of my real or imagined relatives … Dick Cheney, for example. (Although in his case, it could be too late to stop it – but that’s a separate paranoid nightmare.)

      So anyway, there’s no question you AND your clone will both be kicking ass this year, as is only right and proper! Hope Bessie and I can do half as well. – Linda

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      1. Both YOU and BESSIE will do wonders for the cause! And since my clone will be handling the really gritty, get down and dirty work, that’ll free me up to poetically kick ass along with my essays rejecting propaganda bullshit and offsetting mainstream media’s lies, obfuscations and out and out deliberate refusal to shed light on the shenanigans of the fucked up American government war machine.

        Linda, you kick ass in more ways than one! I’d want YOU on my team any day! You are more than capable of holding your own! I’ve seen many examples of that. You’re not just the greatest comedienne ever, you’re a humanitarian and with such an extraordinarily beautiful heart, it is crystal clear how much you hate injustice, even IF you are related to Twit Cheney. We know that you would never infiltrate our revolution organization only to turn us in and have us end up shackled in Guantanamo. Tube and I, both agree that we wouldn’t look good dressed in orange. Tube said that that is most definitely NOT his color. We can’t imprison the pope, now can we? Not to mention, what would my dear husband Brother Thlug say if he couldn’t cozy up to me on these cold, dark and romantic, candle lit nights filled with amour and soft butterfly kisses so exuberantly placed on my oh so tender neck as I nibble on his……! Uh…never mind. Uhhum!! Getting carried away was I for a minute there!

        Linda, we’re gonna kick some political ass this year!!!! 2014 you ain’t ready for us!!! Hell to the NO!!

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  4. Shelby – Umm … actually there were instances of more or less imprisoning Popes, but not since the late Middle Ages, I believe. Gypsies too, I’m sad to say, and much more recently … But we’re not about to let it happen again! Hell No! Things would be WAY! TOO!! DULL!!! around here without any one of you good folks!

    And I’ve never heard of conjugal visits for anyone in Guantanamo, either. Not the place for honeymooners, for damn sure. No place for anyone else either.

    Now you mention it, clones would come in handy. Except … they’d be human too, so how could we let them suffer on our behalf? Perhaps Bessie could live with it, but I’d have a problem with that. Best we keep everyone possible out of prison! Not a popular position in our so-called civilized country at this point.

    Which brings us right back to why we so badly need to keep on fighting. The world needs to get one hell of a lot better this year! And time’s a-wasting — I need to get to work. – Linda

    P.S. Infiltrators? Hmm. With wall-to-wall electronic surveillance, I’m not sure that profession has much future these days. But agents provocateurs are a whole other breed of worms. Not to be paranoid … but we all need to watch our backs. – llf

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    1. You may be right, but then again we must all sacrifice. I am willing to sacrifice my clone for the cause. I had a long talk with my clone last night via Skype and she agreed with me that as bad as a jail cell would be, there are many good folk who have stepped foot inside one and been the worse off for it. Not better most definitely and some are dead for it. Uh…hmmmm! On second thought, I’d hate for my clone to end up committing suicide by sheet hung around neck in a cell with a ‘sheetless’ bed. Stranger things have happened, to be sure. So, we must think on this.

      And oh dear, I must hone up on my history as I was unaware that popes were done away with and as much as I’ve read up on England, but of course, the books I read were fiction and about the ton and Almack’s Assembly Rooms and the Incomparables and about Torys and Whigs and Dukes and Duchesses and Barons and Earls and Popinjays and Fops, but no popes. Dear me, we musn’t put our dear, dear Pope in harms way? No, t’wouldn’t do at all, not a’tall.

      Not to mention, my poor groom, Dear Brother Thlug would just go crazy if he couldn’t snuggle up to me on these dark and love filled nights as we gaze deeply into each others champagne flute and draw straws to see who is going to get up and refill the flutes. Oh, what a joy, a honeymoon is when it’s just you and the love of your life desperately loving each other from morning ’til night and over again, basking in each others scent and lovingly caressing each other most thoroughly! Auk! I’ve strayed off topic, yet again. Love will do that to one. Hold on a minute, Linda! “I’m coming dear one! I’m fetching another bottle!”

      Ta Ta! Linda, I must go, love calls!

      We shall wash…I mean…watch each others back!! Oh those damn double agents, we simply MUST do something about them. I’ll take that up next!!

      Thanks Linda, we’ll figure this thing out yet. We will, to be sure!

      Like

  5. Holy shit! Stop the music! What’s this about Popes being “done away with”?
    Well good thing Tubularsock’s Christmas part-time gig at the Vatican has ended.

    Yep. Packed up a couple of solid gold crosses as severance pay and caught a Gypsy caravan moving west. In those travels I heard some far fetched tales about a “Madame Shabela, Gypsy Warrior Princess of the Anitbulloshit Tribe!”

    I really can’t confirm these tales to be true but Tubularsock is looking into it. Ever since Reverend Courtland left to shack up with Brother Thlug, ending her PR contract with The Tubularsock Public Relations Firm, LTD. revenue has been down.

    So Tubularsock figures that a Gypsy in the hand is worth two Reverends in the bush!

    I’ll let you know if these Gypsy legends are true. I have the Tubularsock Private Investigation Services, Inc. looking into the matter right now.

    Damned exciting if you ask me!

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      1. Because the Tubularsock Private Investigation Services, Inc. is a full service operation. We investigate the entire individual including their questionable morals! And we can’t “mind our own damn business” because the very nature of the private investigation business is looking into other people’s business! We are just doing our job.

        Due to your seemingly antagonistic response, WE recommend that you contact The Tubularsock Anger Management Team,LTD for your personal needs.

        Thank you for contacting our offices and feel free to contact us again for your PI needs.

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  6. @Tubular’whatthefucksock’! Now, who in the hell would pay to ‘investigate’ me? I’m an open fucking book in case you hadn’t noticed and it certainly doesn’t take a PI firm to find about me when I’m the one who’s telling MY own goddamn business. Let’s see, I’m a self-admitted slut and according to YOU, I am shacking up with Brother Thlug, and as the former ‘good’ Reverend, I was expertly pickpocketing my congregation as well as using the church funds for my own nefarious purposes. I was married to another man who showed up at the wedding, presided over by YOU TubefuckingPope who accused me of attempting to ‘off’ him on Mount ‘Kill-a-man-jaro’. I have admitted to making good use of the good ‘services’ of Vinnie’s Concrete and Pizza Shop on the South Side of Chicago. I have admitted to hiding money to avoid paying taxes on it in offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands. I was videotaped stomping and kicking an elderly lady in Macys and got it covered up by my ‘soon-to-be’ groom. I admitted culpability and offered to pay Sister LindaComedyAct’s plastic surgery bills since she got fucked up at my former palace of worship. I have declared myself to be a ‘Brazen Hussy’ and even had a sequel to that. I am now lying about being a gypsy so that I can rip people off by telling bogus fortunes and raking in the dough.

    So, just what the hell are YOU investigating ME for? I’m a goddamn open book, doncha know??!!!!! If ya don’t, hell!, just fall over some poor schmuck that I’ve swindled. They’ll be more than willing to give ya an earful!

    …anger management? Who the hell says that I WANT to control MY anger? If you got a goddamn problem with MY anger, then bugger off!!! Now, AGAIN! Stick that in your Tubular’sock’ puppet and shove it! How’s THAT for anger fucking management? Eh?

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  7. There has been a recent breakthrough in the investigation being carried out by Tubularsock Private Investigation Services, Inc. It appears that an informer has stepped forward with a complete outline of the nefarious activities of the suspect in question.

    Our attempts were hindered by the lack of cooperation from Tubularsock, himself as well as Vinnie from the South Side and Sister LindaComedyAct’s when the three of them in a joint statement stated, “we ain’t no stool-pigeons!” Adding, “don’t show us no stinkin’ badges!”

    The head investigator from Tubularsock Private Investigation Services, Inc., TubeSherlock took the afternoon off and headed for a local pub on Baker Street being satisfied that once again he had broken the case wide open.

    Brother Thlug, it has been suggested, has taken the liberty of selling some incriminating photos he had taken to the tabloid The New York Post.

    When asked about the photos TubeSherlock was reported saying, “Sure, some would call it ‘art’ and some would not. The positions alone are awe-inspiring.”

    It is note worthy to point out that even the Gypsy Council started checking their wallets after being informed that Madame Shabela had been in their encampment.

    …………………

    As far as “anger fucking management” goes it has now become totally obvious to the staff of Tubularsock Private Investigation Services, Inc. that you do manage your anger and your threats of sticking “that in your Tubular’sock’ puppet and shove it!” may lead to a complete Forensic Psychiatry examination. We recommend The Tubularsock Anger Management Team,LTD headed by the esteemed Dr. TubeCrazed, a leading practitioner in Forensic Psychiatry. Our operators are standing by to sever you at 011 + 41 + 26 + Crazyloon.

    You’ll note that our offices are located in Chateau d\’Oex in Switzerland. Now you have a nice day.

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