So, we’re dealing with climate change, are we? Yes? No? The climate change bloggers and doomsayers are out in full force with warnings of dire consequences if we don’t somehow put an end to everything that we are doing to enable climate change and get with the program that we’re all going to die if we don’t accept the fact of climate change and do something about it.
Now, with that having been said, “What do you want me to do about it?” “What do you want my neighbor to do about it?” “What are YOU doing about it besides telling me, over and over again that we need to do something about climate change?” How about you storm the corporate boardrooms of the oil companies and demand that they stop with their “drill baby, drill, already!” How about you chain yourself to a tree at a fracking site, get hauled off to jail, get bailed out and go right back out and chain yourself to another tree? Too much trouble for you? Is it more important for you to sit at a keyboard and preach to us about the horrifying shit that’s coming down the climate change pike? Eh? And by the way, what are YOU driving, climate change doomsayers? Are you flicking a whip over a horse as you drive your buggy to the grocery store? Are you hand cranking your computer because you’re off the grid? How are you heating your home? How are you cooling your home? Are you about to spontaneously combust because you have been holding in your farts for years? Have you sold your house and built a lean-to in the forest because if not, then you are contributing to climate change to an extreme degree(no pun intended), you know, that which you’re going on and on and on about? So I guess you’re not leaving a carbon footprint? No? Yes? Indeed you are! And don’t get all holier-than-thou and say, “Well, somebody’s got to man the store and let you guys know that we’re in for some serious shit. We get it! The oceans are rising. The earth’s people are in deep poo poo. And? What? How much have you changed what YOU are doing?
Here’s an idea. Gather your forces together and storm British Petroleum, Exxon Mobile, Saudi Aramco, National Iranian Oil Co., PetroChina and Royal Dutch Shell among many others that are into both natural gas and oil and don’t forget the fracking industry. Climate change doomsayers, you really need to get off your duff and get cracking ‘cause according to you guys, we ain’t got a lot of time. So, make like Superman, Wonder Woman, Bat Man, Spiderman and go out there and get those oil company executives in line with the understanding that we are all doomed if they don’t reconsider and realize that their greed and our lust for oil and gas and electricity and fast cars and SUVs and all things electronic is just gonna get us into some serious trouble. We’re all fucking hypocrites and the climate change ship has sailed. It has sailed because if you think for one damn minute that some greedy ass oil barons are going to fuck up their bottom line by listening to some hypocrites who are themselves, contributing to climate change, then you all need your head examined and you need to take a look in the mirror and repeat after me, “I am a goddamn hypocrite because I want everyone to stop driving, get off the grid, live in the woods and go back to the basics before it’s too late, but I need to continue driving, stay on the grid, live in my house with all of my creature comforts so that I can continue to tell you guys how fucked you’re all going to be if you don’t DO something about climate change.” There, now that’s telling us!
Get out there and start practicing what you preach and you can’t hardly do that while still pumping gas into your vehicle. You can’t hardly do that while still connected to the grid. You can’t hardly do that if you intend to survive next winter by turning the thermostat up. You can’t hardly do that while cranking the AC up. You can’t hardly do that because you’re a hypocrite. So, I suggest that you sit back, smoke a blunt, if that’s your thing and if not, try a nice chilled glass of wine. And don’t forget, scotch and soda is great on the rocks and you need that icemaker to get that done and to get that done, you’ve got to stay ON the grid, hypocrite! You either go all gung ho about this climate change shit or you just keep pissing in the wind.