What Is Wrong IN My Life?


So many temptations to get me high,
Or could it be that I really want to die?

Sell me crystal meth, I’ve developed a need.
This shit is so good, even my demons recede.

When I drink it’s because I want to forget
all the horrible things I’ve come to regret.

And if I shoot up heroin,
don’t I know it’s a sin.

But it takes away the pain
Though, it’s all in vain.

These are the escapes that I do crave.
And yes to some, I give in; I cave.

What is wrong in my life?
Should I end it with a knife?

With so many voices in my head,
will they leave me when I’m dead?

When the pain of life gets too hard to bear,
the soul of man is filled with despair.

Note:I’ve tweaked this abit because those of us who love to write, for us, we can never get it ‘right’.

This one is about the ‘demons’ that many of us try to escape from. Life for many is just too damn horrible to contemplate, sober and in the U.S. alone, escapism by way of drugs has become an epidemic. Regardless of socioeconomic factors, it has crossed all barriers. It is not respective of income or education or even geographical location. People are using/needing drugs to escape from pain of the body, from the pain of the mind.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

5 thoughts on “What Is Wrong IN My Life?

  1. Yep, and if you’re American you can’t get ibogaine for your addiction (be it heroin, cocaine, amphetamines, alcohol, or nicotine). You have to go to Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, the Bahamas, St Kitts or one of the other 190 countries that treats addiction with ibogaine (including Russia, China and Ukraine). They’ve known about ibogaine since 1962 but the federal government refuses to approve it – even for research.

    I’m doing a post about this next week.


    1. Thank you for that information Dr. Bramhall. That is why so many people in the U.S. are buying their drugs in other countries like Canada. It is a shame that there is something that can treat an addiction and yet, people can’t get it. What kind of shit is that? The government won’t approve it? They approve every goddamn thing else that have side effects that kill people. So what’s the goddamn holdup? Nevermind, I’ll just anxiously await your post!

      And thanks again Dr. Bramhall. With heroin addiction becoming an epidemic in America, you’d think those worthless shits here would get off their ass and take some concrete action to attempt to get that under control. Crystal Meth use is so bad in the state that I’m in, they’ve practically declared war on it. Sigh!!! And the beat goes on!


  2. With the crackdown on pill mills and legal drugs like oxy, heroin is surging. Drugs almost took everything from me. It took a long time but I’ve taken my life back. As you know, many addicts self-medicate to cope with trauma, depression, abuse and other mental illnesses. Unsurprisingly, capitalism has found a way to profit off of people’s misery. Thank you for reminding us that addicts are people too who are sick and suffering.


    1. Jeff, I know only too well about why people who are addicts need help and not condemnation. My baby sister would be another year older tomorrow, April 12th, if not for the fact of getting hooked on crack. My parents tried every thing from having her incarcerated for stealing from them to inpatient treatment for years and nothing worked.

      In junior high school, she started smoking cigarettes and from there, she smoked weed and eventually became a crack addict and that was the end. To see her spiraling down and to be absolutely helpless was just too much. Of the three of us, she was the most talented, she had a brilliant mind even though she refused to take her final classes to graduate from college. She had a brain that could do complex mathematical computations without the aid of a computer. Her brain was a computer. Her college roommate used to tell us that my sister never studied and yet would walk in, take an exam and be finished in 5 minutes and would ace it. Whereas her roommate would study for weeks and flunk the exam.

      It was just unbelievable to us all that with so much going on for her, that she would turn to drugs and to this day, I will always regret that I was not around when she may have needed me especially since I am the eldest. She passed away last May, all alone in her home and was found by a friend.

      I will always ‘rail’ against those who are responsible for the introduction of crack into communities all across America.

      I am glad that everything worked out for you as some are just not so lucky. I thank you for your comment.


      1. I can’t imagine the pain you and your family have experienced from the loss of your sister, Shelby. I lost many friends to drugs through incarceration, od’s and just plain losing their minds. But I have not had to deal with a family member’s death due to drugs. I think in a way your blog is a testament to the world that her life had value, just as all persons do, no matter how much the elite try to devalue us.

        There is a special circle of hell for the shot callers who made the decision to “flood the zone” with crack in the 80’s in the inner-city and black communities. This was another shot fired in the ongoing genocide against the black community and, perhaps, payback for the black power movements that arose in the 60’s and 70’s.

        Keep railing and remember that there are many of all shapes, sizes and colors on your side in the struggle.


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