FBI asks public to help identify militant in Islamic State video
WASHINGTON – The FBI is asking the public to help identify a masked man who speaks in what is believed to be a North American accent in a video that Islamic State militants released last month aimed at Western audiences.
In an excerpt of the video released by the FBI, the man, dressed in camouflage and wearing a shoulder holster, speaks in English and Arabic as he stands in front of men he says are Islamic State prisoners.
“We’re hoping that someone might recognize this individual and provide us with key pieces of information,”
So, let me get this straight. The FBI contacted the NSA and said, “A 55 minute video was released by Islamic State militants and someone speaking with a North American accent was featured and since you’re all in the know and in everybody’s business, tell us who this person is.” The NSA contacts the CIA and the CIA says, “uh…it’s one of our agents gone rogue. Try and keep this on the down low by asking for the public’s help. By doing so, we can stave off answering questions because the public will be so thrilled to play, ‘match that voice’ and ‘match these eyes that cry every night for you!”
So, Americans, if your brother is missing and he’s Black, that’s not him, he’s locked up. If your father is white and he has been tanning a lot lately and he is now missing, you might want to just pretend that he’s not missing unless you’ve got a grudge against him and if you do, contact the FBI and tell them that you think that that’s your dad, gone off to fight with ISIS because he lost his good paying job and then got laid-off when his new place of employment down-sized.
We are now to turn informant for the FBI which means, if you haven’t seen your neighbor for a couple of weeks, the FBI wants you to contact them and let them know this. They’ll proceed to SWAT up and shoot the place down, only to find that the neighbor dropped dead and no one cared and so, he was found rotting away or the neighbor simply lost his job and has been hiding out at home, hoping that the neighbors think his car broke down and he’s taking the bus to work. But tell the FBI anyway. We’ve all got to do our part to bring this dude with a North American accent to ‘justice’.
I am at this moment ‘manning’ the FBI tip line and so far, we’ve only had one caller to call in and say that her boyfriend is missing and she just knows he’s with a slut that he met the previous night at the Olive Garden and she wants to get back at him for it. We don’t want crank calls, people! This is serious! You have an obligation to your country to see that all terrorists are brought to justice, you know, like what’s been going down in Guantanamo and in secret CIA operated facilities in countries all across this planet.
Now, turn your fellow Americans in. Do it for ‘god’ and do it for your country! And remember, we Americans are the proud, the exceptional, the informants! Now let’s play, “Guess Who?”
Oh, and my 2nd guess? Zorro! ROTFLMAO!!!