“I Am Weighed Down By Anguish…”

gone too soon

I weighed myself today,
and I’ve gained so many pounds.
The weight is not from calories.
It’s not from Almond Joys or Mounds.

I am weighed down by anguish,
at the loss of so many men,
And Black though they were,
I had no idea that was a sin.

My doctor chastised me,
over all the weight I’ve gained.
He doesn’t know of all the ghosts,
and that to them, yes I am chained.

Trayvon, you’re not forgotten,
and Skittles I won’t touch.
I still put my hoodie on
but I don’t go out much.

When I see a giant of a man,
standing on a New York Street,
I see Eric Garner,
he’s breathing and on his feet.

In another corner of my mind,
Michael Brown will never leave.
I can’t forget him lying there,
and for his senseless death, I grieve.

John Crawford, you are here,
You stand in the light to show,
the gun was just a toy,
but into a casket, there you go.

Oh Tamir, Tamir, little child,
you played in Autumn’s park.
And when play time was over,
another gun had found its mark.

You’re on the scale with me now,
you cute, little twelve year old.
Come take a walk with me.
Your hand in mine, I hold.

I don’t know if there’s an afterlife.
But I do know that you’re here,
adding weight upon my scale,
and of this weight, I have no fear!

Written by
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

For so many days, I have shed so many tears and still they come. This one is not about rhyming or about ‘getting it right’ because this is all so very wrong. This one is about how I feel when I think of the senselessness of these murders and of the fact that there was no punishment nor will there be any punishment for those who murdered them. I can’t even wrap my head around that.

And I’ve just read that MSNBC’s lackey, Al Sharpton, is organizing yet another ‘march on Washington’. How many will this one make? Anybody bothering to count anymore? What’s the point? We’ve been marching for how long now and what’s changed? Oh, right! The names, that’s all! Shall we build a ‘wall’ and put on it the names of all the dead Black men and dead Black children and dead Black women that have been murdered by cops that kill with impunity and shall we also just cut out that grand jury nonsense? For what else is it? Another ‘dog and pony’ show while the body count continues to pile up? Let us pray and let us march. It has worked SO well thus far. Shall we give it yet another go? Onward ‘christian’ soldiers!

12 thoughts on ““I Am Weighed Down By Anguish…”

  1. My words sound so cheap, in comparison to what you have shared from your aching heart here. But I” leave them anyway.

    Don’t give up! Your message is needed!

    We need you! All of us!


    1. Sojourner, you are terribly sweet. You really are! I read that post of yours that could have been written for my eyes and I do get it.

      I spewed hate and anger towards everyone that is ‘white’ and yet when I see the videos and the pictures of those who are standing in solidarity with us, there are so many whose pigmentation is not dark. They are out there standing with us in the cold. They are going to jail with us and still they keep coming to protest once they get out of jail.

      I must keep in mind what Dr. King said:

      Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,
      adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.
      Darkness cannot drive out darkness:
      only light can do that.
      Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

      Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

      …and so I say, “I should know better!” I can only add that this all hurts like hell!

      Thank you so much for your comment Sojourner and know that what you wrote, I took to heart as you can see here.

      Take care,


      1. I am so glad to hear that I didn’t offend you, since that was never my intention.

        I hear you. Sometimes I want to throw up my hands and just run away from it all, but then I would feel as though I am deserting someone.

        We all should no better, Shelby, not just you. The older I get the more I come to understand that I still have much to learn, especially about me.

        I want to thank you for reopening my eyes to the truth. Like many white people, I had become complacent, to some extent, about issues like these, And your pain, and yes, anger, helped to reawaken me to the way black people are still being used and abused by these elite animals.

        This is why I hope you keep writing your poetry and commentary. It’s important for all of us!

        You take care also!


  2. I too am saddened by all these senseless deaths. We need to expose this systemic corruption of police brutality, our law enforcement and the entire justice system has been usurped by TPTB to divide and conquer a nation. It’s the same old story, incite racial tension, create hatred and fear, then step up more police, more stupid laws to enforce & control the citizens. It’s a disgrace to humanity what our gov’t allows to happen.
    Their evil agenda is unfolding like a f*cked up script:

    Also, Al Sharpton is a punk ass sell out. He became an informant/ bitch for the FBI, and is no friend of the black community. Read this report:

    Firstly, we need to spread the real truth so more people become informed about the real evil behind these killings. The police are trained to kill first ask questions later, this is the new policy, hence the upswing in police murders – this is no accident, it is an “NWO” conspiracy against the people, against our human & constitutional rights.

    A revolution is coming. “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”
    – Thomas Jefferson


    1. 1EarthUnited, some people are even now beginning to wake up to the fact that the so-called ‘leaders’ in the Black community are just bought and paid for snitch bitches. I saw another video where people were telling Jesse Jackson to get the hell on. They didn’t want his bitch ass anywhere near them. They know that shit sold out! So long as their pockets are flush, to hell with civil rights, justice for all, freedom and some more shit for Black, Brown and White bodies. And yes, I’ve seen some videos where the cops have tore all hell upside some White folks. Pretty soon, it’s not going to matter what shade of skin tone we’ve got. We’re all going to get what’s been going down. We need to wake up and recognize that this ain’t going away. It’s here to stay and it’s only going to get worse if we allow it.

      …and the media is trying hard as hell to help that shit along.

      Was I surprised when I read of Sharpton’s spying shit? Hell no! That’s why he’s looking like dead shit these days because the foul ass mess that he has done and continues to do, is catching up with his ass, the same with Jesse Jackson. Their game is about up! They’ve never represented me and they never will!

      So, I am going to continue to try and spread the truth to counter the lies put out by those corporate owned whores and again, fuck the mainstream media!


      1. True that, what I want to know is who the hell watches MSM news/ papers – who has time?? Everyone I know works 2-3 jobs, 80+ hr workweeks – that alone tells us how corrupt the greedy ass establishment is. They have stolen the wealth from our generation and created a class of debt slaves to be exploited. I can only imagine how bad it’s gonna get if people don’t speak up for their basic rights, and all these goddamn wars in our name. No more – we do not consent to their criminal actions!


  3. @1EarthUnited, you make an excellent point. Who does have the time to watch that shit? Because I’ve heard that Black Friday was practically non-existent and they’re finally blaming it on people not having enough spending money. Seriously???!!! But! But! They’ve been screaming and yelling for so long now about how the economy is improving, adding jobs and all that shit! Yeah, the economy is good if you’re rich! And any jobs that have been added are all part-time, so who the hell can run a Black Friday marathon on a part-time paycheck while attempting to make ends meet? I cannot believe that they did not see this coming.

    When they keep the workers poor, they’re not going to buy their shit. It’s that simple. So, don’t now sit around moaning over the fact that only some paltry amount of food stamps got spent at Wal-Mart on necessary items and there were no full-scale riots over their $100 HDTV with multi-vision, 3D Blockbuster automatic pilot controls and other blah, blah, blah on it.

    Not only do I not consent to their criminal acts, I do not consent to them using my goddamn tax dollars to fund those ‘illegal wars of aggression’ from the nation that spews out how it stands for ‘freedom and democracy’. That’s pure bullshit!

    They’ve stolen the wealth alright and we need to get it the fuck back, all peaceful like of course!

    Thanks 1EarthUnited!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s