Starring: James Earl Jones, Jamie Foxx, Alfre Woodard, Beyoncé Knowles, Jay-Z, Snoop Dog, Halle Berry and Demetry Vladovovick
Actor James Earl Jones is head of the Central Intelligence Agency, Alfre Woodard stars as his drunken wife. Snoop Dog plays the character Agent Green. Green is a CIA operative gone rogue. Green’s boss is played by Jay-Z; a CIA field operative, partnered with Beyoncé Knowles who entices information from her foreign conquests by crooning sultry lyrics while wearing nothing more than lace. Jaime Foxx stars as President Barack Obama whose wife was killed in a freak accident after the vehicle she was travelling in, rolled over and over due to a drunken Secret Service Agent’s antics.
The film is listed as a comedy.
About the film:
The movie starts off with James Earl Jones (Greer) berating his wife, Alfre Woodard (Sasha) for being drunk yet again at a black tie function at the White House. He is met by Jay-Z (Reid) as he re-enters the ballroom. Reid nods to Greer and they both step outside, ostensibly for a breath of fresh air. The two begin to plot the assassination of the president. Greer tells Reid that orders from the Rothschild family are as follows: assassinate the president and make it look like the Russians were behind it; that would put the final nail in the Russian Federation’s coffin as Great Britain and all of Europe would get on board for the annihilation of Russia. The two dare not use cell phones since they are tapped by the National Security Agency and their demise would be imminent if the assassination attempt was foiled.
In stumbles Green, who once again, because he’s high on weed, stepped into his girlfriend’s six inch pumps and then promptly trips and falls into a fountain. At this time, Greer and Reid have finished their business and notice the waiters pulling Green out of the fountain. Greer and Reid both look at each other and nod.
Meanwhile, Beyoncé Knowles (Malia) is having sex with the president of Iran in an attempt to get him to come clean about their nukes program. Even though the president has a very tiny dick, Malia manages to make it seem as though he is pleasuring her beyond all imagination. She in fact manages to croon her way through an entire 8 minute song while pleasuring the Iranian president. But still no clues as to nukes or no nukes and she sighs since she knows that she must not fail in her mission to get at the truth. There’ll be another night of this.
Day two starts with Reid knocking on the door of Green’s girlfriend’s apartment. Green’s girlfriend played by Halle Berry (Michelle) comes to the door wearing a see-through red teddy and in her most ghetto hood rat voice, taunts Reid with, “See something you want, if you do, it’s for sale.” Reid pushes her out of the way and shouts for Green. Green is sitting on the floor inhaling from a bong. Reid pulls out a device that detects for wires. He then searches for Green’s and Michelle’s iPhones and when he finds them, he tosses both out the window. He grabs the bong from Green and tells him that he has a job for him. At this point, Green looks up with red, half closed eyes and says, “Help yourself man.” Reid then tells Green that he wants him to assassinate the president. Green assures Reid that he’s the man for the job. After all, who would suspect the guy that fell over in the fountain at the White House?
The assassination is to take place while Russia’s foreign minister is in the U.S. for a state visit in an attempt to get the two countries back on, at least, a civil footing since the two leaders have been at loggerheads over the crisis in Ukraine. At the state event, Green has been given a waiter’s uniform and is making his way over to where the president of the United States is holding court with Russia’s foreign minister, played by Demetry Vladovovick. Reid is in the Rose Garden when his phone rings. He answers his cellphone only to hear an anxious Malia telling him that not only does Iran have nuclear weapons, but that a nuclear bomb is headed straight for the White House and it has a cloaking device on it and that U.S. spy systems have no way of tracking it. Reid hears a choking sound and then the phone goes dead. But he has no time to worry about Malia. He must alert the president of the danger and whisk him away to safety. He is too late. Just as he re-enters the grand ballroom, Green has managed to appear to be stumbling towards the Russian foreign minister and as he bumps into him, the president seems to fall down in slow motion while the Russian foreign minister looks on in disbelief.
Green shoves the tray of cocktails that he is holding into the side of the Russian foreign minister, knocking him over and then adroitly maneuvers around a table, leaving the Russian foreign minister lying over the prone Barack Obama with the gun lying inches from his fingers. As the guests turn and behold the spectacle of the president lying on the floor with the Russian foreign minister on top of him, they erupt in outrage. The Russian foreign minister rolls off the president and his fingers touch the gun lying beside him and a Secret Service agent fires his gun at the Russian foreign minister, killing him on the spot. Other Secret Service agents rush to President Barack Obama’s side. But it is too late. His eyes are wide and staring.
Immediately, Reid rushes to find Greer to tell him of the nuclear bomb headed for the White House. As he pushes a woman out of his way, she turns and slaps him. The lady is Greer’s drunken wife, Sasha. He asks Sasha if she knows where Greer is. Sasha tells him that Greer received a phone call about an hour ago and left. She’s upset because she wants another drink and Greer is not there to get it for her. Reid turns away, takes his cellphone out and dials Greer’s number. It goes straight to voicemail. Reid then attempts to find the Vice President, but can’t locate him. He realizes that it’s probably too late to stop the bomb and makes a mad dash for the heliport. He knocks out the pilot that is waiting in the helicopter to transport the Russian foreign minister back to his accommodations since the Russian foreign minister did not feel safe staying at the White House. Reid takes the controls and the helicopter lifts off and into the night. Just as he thinks he’s far enough from ground zero, the bomb exploded with a blinding flash in the sky, and a great rush of air and a loud rumble of noise. Reid loses consciousness and subsequently dies as does every member of congress since Washington, DC is obliterated.
Was any of the above funny? Of course, North Korea is known for human rights abuses, but to make fun of the assassination of its leader is in my opinion, wrong. American presidents HAVE been assassinated and we found nothing funny about that. The country as a whole mourned when Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. James A. Garfield and William McKinley both, were assassinated. The country as a whole mourned with the assassination of John F. Kennedy. How many people who just rave on and on about Reagan found his attempted assassination to be funny? I’m sure James Brady did not. It does not matter if we don’t like North Korea’s leader.
The fact is that the assassination of anyone should not be made into a comedy because let’s face it, assassinations have happened and not just to leaders of the U.S. Egypt’s President, Anwar Sadat was assassinated and he was a good man; he earned the Nobel Peace Prize and unlike Barack Obama, he was trying for peace. And Libya’s leader, Muammar Gaddafi, was assassinated by proxy as was Iraq’s leader, Saddam Hussein, both assassinated thanks to the U.S. And just take a look at the shape Libya and Iraq are in. So why is it that we have no problem making fun of the assassination of the leaders of other countries, but if ours get assassinated, we expect the whole world to mourn with us? Oh, that’s right, we the people of the U.S. are ‘exceptional’. I’ll be happy to disabuse you of THAT notion with plenty of examples that show how ‘unexceptional’ we here in the U.S., really are, but I’m already ahead of you on that. Just archive this blog to your heart’s content.
Is any of this still funny? And the Sony Corporation is contemptible. I would not be surprised if some of the hacked emails showed that some Sony executives actually joked about the assassination of Barack Obama.
I sincerely hope that the hackers continue to cut into Sony’s bottom line. Gut the Sony Corporation’s bottom line like it’s a fish!
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland