Another Bullshit Christmas!

holiday

My mind is racing in a way.
It’s almost Christmas day.
And I’ve still got gifts to buy.
I must heed the corporate cry!

You say you need a brand new rug.
And a fur coat to keep you snug.
And expensive jewelry would be nice.
It’s such a bargain at this price.

When I wake up Christmas morn,
I won’t think of the savior, born.
I’ll just head straight for the tree,
to see what you bought for me.

The bills are now past due,
and you turn into a shrew.
I went in debt for you,
and for little Johnny too.

Now the tree is on the curb,
and I’m smoking up some herb,
because the bills I didn’t pay,
were all due yesterday.

I’m burdened with debt, it’s true,
and number thirty in the queue,
waiting on a loan just to get us through,
another bullshit Christmas screw.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

Does any of this sound familiar? Anybody started to sing the, “I’m broke!,” blues yet? Bend over ’cause you’re getting screwed and don’t it hurt like hell? Nah! ‘Cause if it did, you wouldn’t passively play ‘follow the leader’ into more and more debt each and every year. You never learn. So, here we go again; another Christmas of spend, spend, spend. Oh, and let’s all get stuck at the airport trying to get to family most of us don’t even like ’cause if we did, we wouldn’t have to fly each Christmas just to see ’em(Yep, and granny Jean is still mean, damn her spiteful tongue). But, we’ve all got to impress one another with our gifts and gorge ourselves on ham and green bean casserole and then place an order for a gym membership because we’re gonna lose weight and get in shape for the new year and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Many of you most likely haven’t paid off the debt you accumulated from last Christmas. Oh, well….can’t fix stupid when stupid don’t want to get fixed. Here’s to a “Merry Corporation and a Happy Wall Street year, suckers!”

13 thoughts on “Another Bullshit Christmas!

    • BAH HUMBUG it is! I’m on hold, Sojourner. I’m trying to get ANOTHER loan to pay off a loan and get a cash advance on my next paycheck so that I can pay the interest on that loan and then I’m going to head to the pawn shop and pawn my gold teeth and depending on what they give me for gold teeth, what with gold going up in value, I should get enough to buy another almost brand spanking new HDTV with 3D Captivision with hypnotic focus controls plus surround sound. Gotta go! The stores are gonna close early!!!!

      And thanks for the reblog. I’m going to get you a present too, if I have any money left over from selling my gold teeth and after buying my 18,000th TV. Damn! Where am I going to put all this shit? Then I’m off to visit Granny Jean! Damn her eyes! LMAO!!!

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    • That’s the spirit Skulz! Celebrate like you mean it!! And I see that ya do!!! I know you made some corporate crooks reeeul happy this year!!

      Now Skulz, did you say, “Peace?” I swear I’ve forgotten what that word means. Oh, that’s right, it means torture to ‘peaces’. Righty O!

      Thanks Skulz! It’s gonna be a BANG up year and oh so torturous!

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  1. Ho, Ho, Ho Shelby, Tubularsock is so glad you have the ol’ Christmas spirit. Isn’t it all just grand?
    Tubularsock can tell you love Christmas as much as he does. This is the first year Tubularsock found out that there is no Santa ……. damn that Sojourn II and his truth telling.

    So to add to your and Sojourn II “another bullshit christmas” theme here in Tubularsock’s contribution:

    Now Christmas comes but once a year
    And the cost to you you hold so near

    The plastic shit from China land
    Is broken crap before it hits your hand

    Yet you buy it all again you see
    You have to put something under that Fucking Tree

    You stack it high and long and wide
    To show your love they can’t deny

    The plastic credit card you use so freely
    With that extended plan you become so greedy

    That interest rate that seems not much
    Is compounded it’s the final punch

    But hey you’ll have it paid by this time next year
    Just in time for more Christmas cheer.

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    • Hey Tube! The pawn shop is only gonna give me $500 for my gold teeth and so I’m gonna need some more teeth. Do you think that you could call Cousin Vinnie and persuade him to give me a loan reeeuuul quick like? Aunt Betty just called me and I had clean fergot about ‘huh’. She got me a geef and I ain’t got her nuffin. Sorry about muh prununciasion. I gits like dat evuh time I tawk wif muh sawthun familee. Kin Vinne hook muh up? ROTFLMAO!!! And day nok at de doe and tol me tuh git muh credeet cawd and day kut it up!

      LMAO!! But seriously, Tube, glad to see that you’re always in the spirit of things. That was a right nice poem, right dar it was! I don’t think corporations like us very much ’cause I ain’t gone and bought a gotdurn thing fer nobody dis yeah!! Just like awl the othur yeuhs!

      Murrah Crusmas!! I kan’t tawk so good wif out muh teeth u no! Fugee mee, weel ya?

      LOL!! Thanks Tube!!!

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  2. I didn’t put the tree up this year b/c I had one too many nightmares about picking it up after Chaco knocked it down, and since the tree isn’t up and it’s RAINING instead of snowing we decided to cancel Christmas in Hamiltonia due to lack of interest! Mike says he’s going to cook Christmas dinner (pot roast … it’s all he knows how to cook :-)) but I imagine after he cuts up the green pepper he’ll be too tired to finish so I will do what needs to be done and thank him for a wonderful Christmas present that tastes soooo good! 🙂

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    • You enjoy your dinner Wolfess. I am also in shock because for the first time, here in Minne’snow’ta, no snow is on the ground for Christmas. That’s extremely unusual. It’s just been rainy, cloudy and overcast for the last several days. It looks weird without snow. I’d gotten so used to it. Almost makes me feel like I’m back down south, perish the thought!

      You guys have a great time and thanks for stopping in! Good to see ya comment!

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  3. I’ll be spending zero dollars and just as many cents this christmas and eating cold sandwiches with people how don’t have a permanent addresses. It already feels like more of a christmas than I have had in some years.

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    • Oh HLJ, bless your sweet heart! You know that what you’ll be doing on Christmas will be so appreciated. You are truly such a sweet heart! ..and HLJ, the greatest joy I get is when I’m able to help someone else. There’s no greater feeling of accomplishment in the world. If only more of us would give up our selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed ways.

      Thank you and I hope that all is well with you!

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