To All The Men I’ve Never Loved

tears i shed

To all the men I’ve never loved
and though most of you are dead
when I look back on my life
not much good can be said.

I see your faces in my mind
and I heave a great big sigh
as I recall those looks of love
that I let pass me by.

What of me was there to love?
I was never nice to any of you.
Love, to me was for fools
and each month, the fool was new.

Today, a song reminded me
of all that I have missed
because I was young and I was dumb
and that your love, I simply dissed.

Oh how you chased me, relentlessly
and I kept running away.
Now your bones have turned to dust
when there is much, I’d like to say.

What the young don’t understand
is what I also failed to know
And that things don’t stay the same.
What we reap, so shall we sow.

The lessons I have learned
have come too late for me.
The love I never returned
was just not meant to be.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

29 thoughts on “To All The Men I’ve Never Loved

    • HLJ, for your sake, be glad that most likely, we NEVER met because most of the men that have been in my life, for them, I was a curse. The best thing that I could do FOR a man was to leave him alone because I was always getting phone calls from the hospital informing me that the man I was dating was either in there due to a horrible car crash that totaled his vehicle and almost totaled him, or I was getting a call from a family member of a man I was dating telling me that he was in the hospital because he was crossing the highway and was struck by a tractor trailer(he survived THAT) only to die later of a heart attack at the ripe old age of 24. Another call I received was AGAIN, from the hospital telling me that my boyfriend was in a full body cast due to an accident. The hospital called again when yet another boyfriend I had, had broken his leg and wanted to see me. A guy that I tutored while in college wanted to date me and I told him “no!” and I was visited by the police because I was named in his suicide note. A former co-worker of mine introduced me to her husband and in front of her stated that, “THIS is Shelby! Why I’d leave you for her in a minute!” He was dead two weeks later. They had to scoop up the few pieces of him they could find because he was driving a truck and collided head on with a tractor trailer. Another co-worker of mine introduced me to her husband and two days later, he stuck a shotgun in his mouth and blew his head off.

      And the man that I wrote this for is also dead; he was SO in love with me, it was unreal and I failed to reciprocate his feelings and like I stated in the poem, a song came on and the tears just flowed because he died young, of a brain aneurysm. The list is just endless. So, no, HLJ, since you’re still alive and I suspect, reasonably healthy, we have not met.

      I would smoke a joint to that if I were you and be glad that we have never met.

      Thank you for your comment.

      Like

      • Cheezus!! You something like a slow motion Medusa. Now I don’t even want to see your photo ever again. LOL!! Damn. You must be the finest woman in the world muthafuckas suckin’ on shotguns. Yeah, never mind with my history of depression I know you’d have me trying to fly off the tallest building I could find.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I feel real bad because I had to laugh at your comment. I was really serious, but your comment evoked peals of laughter.

        At least now you know that we have never met because you haven’t taken R.Kelly’s song seriously, “I Believe I Can Fly!”

        I would hope to never do ANY harm to YOU HLJ! And don’t worry, I have NO plans to visit in your area. So, you should be safe. But your comment cracked me up!

        You a mess! But from now on, I won’t even send you ‘my love’. How’s that? Yeah, I know. You’re cool with that.

        Like

    • I sincerely appreciate that kind comment Skulz. And I will just say that “good for you that you are married and safely out of my clutches.” The only piece of shit that never came to any harm was the one I married and from what I hear, he has re-married and is making someone else’s life a living hell. I guess when evil and the devil marry, that cancels out the curses that each are throwing at the other and that is why he remained unscathed throughout our tumultuous wedded blitzkrieg.

      Bless your sweet heart for being SO nice to this twisted version of the ‘Black Widow spider’!

      Hugs and kisses right back atcha!

      Liked by 1 person

      • ‘Soul shine’ IS damn sure better than rain and Skulz, thank you for that! I’ve got music by the Allman Brothers, but I had not heard that one.

        I am ashamed to admit this but I ‘allowed’ my cousin to give me his old iPod(he is the cousin that’s on the big money spending spree) because of course he had to get the latest and the best and I’ve been on iTunes, putting songs on it. I’m going to have to see if this one is there and get it.

        Again, I sincerely appreciate your kindness. I do have a heart, it just likes to hide, and I am sure most of my viewers are aware of this.

        Bless your ever loving heart! Here I am, tearing up again. Time for some bubbly.

        Like

    • I sincerely thank you for that glowing compliment on this one Dom. And yes, I am sorry about a lot of things. And tis too late to do a damn thing about them. However, I appreciate your comment, as I am sure you know!

      Thanks again!

      Like

  1. I dedicate this song to Thomas. It’s too late, I know because you are but dust in the wind. But I never forgot those trips to the mountain in your beloved Dodge Mopar Charger. For what it’s worth, I see your face as plain as day and I remember listening to this song on the radio while heading into the mountains. RIP!

    Like

  2. Wow Shelby the phrase “You’re the only woman I’ll ever love in my life!” takes on an entirely new meaning when YOU are around it seems to Tubularsock.

    “Shotguns, trucks, big-rigs and death” ………. yeah, sounds like Shelby passed through town.

    Keep on trucken’ seems different as well but ……. whatever!

    Like

    • I know it goes without saying that I shouldn’t even pass through your way much less stop in just to say, “Howdy!” HLJ, as you can see, basically told me to send my love via Fed-Ex and that’s it!

      I don’t know if I should write this book on my life story because I am not quite sure if it will induce mass suicides or if it will make some poor schmuck who’s feeling sorry for themselves or feeling REAL low realize that things could be a LOT worse after reading MY story. I am undecided!

      Your comment also made me laugh because if not for a sense of humor, I don’t know where the hell I’d be!

      I thank you for your comment. LOL! It was right on time!

      Like

    • WOW! Thank you for the compliment on this one TheOriginalBlackWoman13! I just write from my heart and I guess it shows. I am always loving it when what I write is so well received by others. I am thankful for you and all the others because your comments on what I write is my inspiration to continue writing. So, again, thank you so very much!

      Like

    • I tend to agree with you nidotopianwarrior. Almost every dwelling that I’ve ever lived in has burned to the ground and it was not from arson on my part. I have been in more fires than I can shake a stick at and this started from birth.

      Also, I was at my favorite bar one night, talking to a guy that had been going there for ages and I had to go to work the next morning, so I left. I didn’t get back there for a few weeks and when I did, I was asked if I had heard the news about Bill. Turns out, Bill had dropped dead 15 minutes after I left the bar. They actually thought that he was just drunk and left him on the floor for a few minutes until someone thought that it would be prudent to see if Bill was alright. Bill was dead. The cause of death was listed as caused by a heart attack.

      When I lived in Baltimore, I started going to a jazz club and the quartet that played the music there were great. One night, the leader of the band wanted to meet me. He came over and we talked for awhile. About a week and a half later, when I went back to the jazz club, there was a sign on the door. It stated the club had closed due to the untimely death of the leader of the jazz quartet. I later found out that he had somehow fallen down a steep flight of stairs and broke his neck. I could go on and on in this vein, but there is something unmistakably sinister or eerie about me.

      Members of my father’s family(the few that are alive)claim that my mother is a witch and that she is why the majority of my dad’s(he is deceased also) family are deceased and that it is because she killed them. Like mother, like daughter? Or were you thinking of something else, altogether?

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      • I don’t think so either. And my mother IS the most evil person I have ever had the misfortune to know.

        Once, when she didn’t think I was looking at her, she gave me a look of such pure hatred, I cringe now just thinking about it. Needless to say, we have never gotten along. I’ve never wanted to be like her and I’ve tried to live my life different from how she’s living hers, but I dunno. Some things just can’t be explained, I guess.

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      • Her mother was the same way. Her husband was afraid of her(my grandmother) because he said that she was always burning strange colored candles and chanting and he couldn’t understand what she was saying. Also, my mother hated her mother and they never could get along either. It seems to run in the family.

        I am seriously beyond prayer. My life is a horror story. I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m just stating the facts.

        Like

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