Happy Slaves Bake Birthday Cake For George Washington!

slave baking book

I’m a happy slave in America!
I bake cakes for presidents.
I ain’t got no smarts or schooling
 and when I talk, I don’t make sense.

But I’m as happy as can be
 ’cause I’m baking cakes for presidents.
So, when next you re-write history
 tell no lies and I mean no offense.

If you can’t take the truth,
 that I baked cakes for presidents,
 then that shit is all on you
 because slavery is my defense.

How many lies will you tell?
That I came of my own free will?
You with Pinocchio’s nose,
 let me present you with my bill!

For over four hundred years,
I’ve been owed for baking that cake.
And as I stand in shackles and chains,
I am a testament to the truth you fake!

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland

Happy slaves? Goddamn it! For real? Get the fuck outta here! First, we had textbook publisher McGraw-Hill stating that Africans willingly immigrated to America to work. They were not dragged to AmeriKKKa to become slaves. According to McGraw-Hill, the Africans came here alongside the Irish and other immigrants seeking long-term good paying jobs. You see, this version absolves whitey white asses of knowing that their ancestors were depraved rejects from hell; they are too but that fact should not be bandied about. You see, slavery, rape, whips, chains, shackles and torture don’t have quite the nice ring to it and so tone that shit down. Smooth it over. Make slavery into something that it was not. Make it into a resort. Yeah! That sounds better. Slavery was nothing more than a resort and those Black folks at the resort were as happy as can be, just a baking cakes and some more shit!

Now, let’s cut the bullshit!

Apparently, there is a new book out titled, A Birthday Cake For George Washington and the book ‘suggests’ that a slave named Hercules was just so goddamn happy to be slaving away making a birthday cake for an old wooden toothed bastard by the name of George Washington, that he just could not contain himself! With his skills, he ‘bettered’ himself and should have been proud of it. Oh no! He was not the usual run-of-the-mill slave that had no skills at all and so therefore, had not a thing to say for themselves, no Hercules, the cake baker for George Washington was a cut above the rest and his life was practically lived like he was one of the ‘gentry’. Like hell!

George Washington’s overseer was just as vicious and cruel as any other overseer; just as vicious, depraved and barbaric as today’s goddamn overseers that are stationed in prisons and jails all across this shithole. We are to constantly get bombarded by these atrocious lies; spoon fed fake ass shit and told to eat it up, swallow it down and beg for more. I am fed the fuck up with white motherfuckers who continuously water down history to suit their own fucked up agenda. They will pass shit off as caviar and think nothing of it so long as it makes them look better. Newsfuckingflash! There ain’t a goddamn jewel, cloth of satin or plastic surgeon that could turn you filthy ass bastards into something fit for hell!

12 thoughts on “Happy Slaves Bake Birthday Cake For George Washington!

      • Thank you Mr. Militant Negro! They ain’t got to like it. Hell! I don’t like it but when they come all up in here, hell If I’m going to help that ‘whitewashed’ shit along! Oh hell no!

        And as you can see, they don’t like it; not the goddamn truth and that is why they are hell bent on telling lies about the fucked up history of this shithole. They know that that shit is on their vile and foul asses because they are the progeny of that diseased filth that slithered over here and commenced genocide on the Indians and then dragged our ancestors over here. Our ancestors weren’t smiling and grinning and having a nice ole time of it slaving away in kitchens, fields and every goddamn where else! So, motherfuckers don’t come up in here expecting to read that your shit don’t stink. It’s funky than a motherfucker and don’t you bastards know it!

        Happy to bake a goddamn cake, my ass! Yeah! Let ME bake you one! I hope you like globs of spit, snot, piss and shit and you worthless fuckers deserve worse than that! Yeah! I’ll fucking bake a cake for you! And I wouldn’t charge you a goddamn dime! Now, get in line and claim your cake!

        Uh…thanks again, Mr. Militant Negro. As you can see, I had to go off, AGAIN!

        Liked by 1 person

      • “Fuck ’em all! Indeed! Well, I am not even the last one to fall in line with the shit! I refuse to pick up the lies and lie it forward! Never that! They can take their lies and shove ’em! And I intend to keep calling ’em out!

        Thank you again, Mr. Militant Negro! And believe me, I too, am amazed at the restraint I display.

        Like

  1. Shelby, Hercules and his daughter Delia were “happy” slaves because they were soooo talented at bowing and scraping as they baked Mr. George , the president, a birthday cake. Yes SIR!
    Just think how fun it was to be a slave in the kitchen. Well, you can tell with all the smiles …… happy slaves, happy slaves.

    And old George with smiling Delia on his lap …… happy birthday George.
    With African slaves begging to join the work force in America how lucky to be picked to be “house-slave” in the kitchen!

    That is what Tubularsock calls livin’ the good life.
    And now here you are trying to make it look like a bad thing.
    Just look at those smiles!

    Great post by the way …………

    Like

    • Well, can you just imagine what would have went on in George Washington’s kitchen if I was in it? He would have been a shit eating, piss drinking wooden tooth motherfucker and he would have liked it. He would have asked me, “What is the special ingredients that make this birthday cake taste so goddamn good?” My answer would have been, “Ize dont rightleee no sur! I jist nose Ize got meee sum baaakin skeelz, Massa sur! Now Bon Appétit, you shit eating, piss drinking wooden tooth ugly ass motherfucker!”

      Of course, I would have been flogged to death, but hey! ‘Shit’ happens!

      Thank you for that spot on comment Tubularsock! Ever the brave one you are for stepping all up in this HOT ass kitchen!

      Like

    • It should! I would homeschool them at night if I had to. They’re teaching nothing but ‘whitewashed’ history in schools and yet, more ‘whites’ are homeschooling their children than ever before. We just continue to look to the public education system to keep brainwashing our children; that is when they’re not sending them straight from the classroom into a prison cell.

      They have since pulled this book. What the hell for? It’ll still be obtainable and most likely will become a bestseller if it’s not already! And yet, we’ve got that short ass month of February coming up to celebrate Black achievements. I guess it’s because the ‘whites’ don’t figure we’ve achieved a goddamn thing. The problem is every single time we achieve something, they steal it and make it their own! Goddamn it! I’ve gone off the rails again!

      Thank you for your comment nidotopianwarrior!

      Like

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