Where is the adventuress that has always been me?
How can I get her back and when did she flee?
Who is this person who sits alone in the dark?
Why is she so angry and what lit the spark?
Has she let the horrors of this world get to her?
What does she have to fear from a racial slur?
Tell her you love her no matter what.
Make her understand, she’s got to go with her gut.
Don’t let her listen to the doubts in her mind.
Let her know that she’s got more heart than most of mankind.
Get up girl and live life to its fullest.
Pack a bag and become life’s tourist.
Journey far and never settle for less.
Don’t put up with people and don’t accept their mess.
You’re not stupid and you’re damn sure not brain dead.
So, go where you want to go and not where others have tread.
Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland
I wrote this about me because lately, I have been down in the dumps because there is so much that I want to do and yet, I am hindered by my sense of responsibility. I am hindered by my sense of duty and obligation. I am supposed to be enjoying myself in my lean-to on a deserted island and yet, I am getting cussed out daily by my cousin because the mental health care profession filled him full of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and when the medications started killing him, he got off them and now his brain is fried. He lost 154lbs. He is no longer diabetic or obese. He no longer has a cholesterol or triglycerides problem. His pancreas is back to normal. His heart condition is gone and yet, he will never be ‘all there’ mentally. Yes indeed, I have so many reasons to ‘thank’ the ‘health care’ profession in AmeriKKKa, it is unreal! Heavy on the sarcasm!
And now, I have got to cut this short because I just got a call from him, stating that he has run out of money and is stranded and I must come and pick him up. Since I have his POA(Power of Attorney), health care directive and Living Will, I am responsible for every aspect of his life and there is no one else who will step up to the plate. His immediate family gave up on him decades ago and he has followed me everywhere I go. That is why when I mention that I am dining out with my cousin, who else can I dine with because I am constantly getting him out of trouble and so, there goes any social life for me? And when we are out dining, I am usually embarrassed because he just gets to cussing and carrying on at me for no reason. Waiters and other diners stare at us. The last time we were at Fogo de Chao, he sat and sat and sat until even the gracious waiters were looking pointedly at us. When I mentioned this to him, did the high ceilings in Fogo de Chao, vibrate? Indeed they did!
I feel like a person who has been given a life sentence. Goddamn! I want to break free of this jail sentence! You don’t have to actually be locked up behind bars to be imprisoned, believe me, I know!
Just as I was about to conclude this, I re-read the poem and I called my cousin back and I told him, “Get ta steppin! You’ve got a long walk but since you’re no longer overweight, you can do it!”
Ladies, and I am speaking solely to the ladies here, you don’t need a man to complete you and let me tell you something else, every single man that has ever been in my life has done me more harm than good. I can honestly say that when I am doing things all by myself, I do them better and I am always at my best. I have been married and it was the biggest mistake of my life. A husband did nothing but put me through hell, just as my cousin is doing. It is high time that we let these men who say they are “men” be men and take care of themselves. If we don’t look out for ourselves, they won’t. The ‘men’ who have been in my life, certainly did not look out for me.
And so, next month, since I’ve got some shopping and some packing to do, I am going on a journey to find ‘the adventuress’ that used to be ME, again. I am going to understand that I was not put on this earth to be caretaker to every lost soul on it, to the detriment of my own. Sometimes, you have got to be more ‘self-loving, than self-less.
Ladies, take care of you because I am starting right now!
shelbycourtland 
I love your poem!
Agreed, men are a pain, they either want a mommy or a maid (wait a sec, isn’t that what they think a mommy is?!, however, a mother is a teacher).
I’m with you girl, enough with carrying other people, us gals just want to have some rest and relaxation, along with a whole lottta fun! 🙂
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Thank you Genie! Indeed, they want it ALL! They want every aspect of us and then some! I am so fed up with these assholes, it is unreal! The next man that even looks cross-eyed at me is gonna get a heaping helping of cussing out. That is the only thing I have in common with cousin who must be walking by now because I have turned off the cellphone and took the landline off the hook.
Next month, I am taking a road trip to Mexico! Viva la Mexico! I will post pics as I journey! I would go this month, but I’ve got some shopping and packing to do!
Again, I thank you SO much for that spot on comment Genie! I love it!
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Take me..
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Bless your heart Kelley! You are more than welcome! I have no problem stopping by and picking you up! I’ve loaded the iPod with great songs of all genres and the car is brand new, so we won’t be sitting on side the road, looking cross-eyed. In addition to that, I’ve got roadside assistance on speed dial. I am going to get my summer wardrobe spruced up with some shopaholic fever because I am long overdue for a spending spree. Lawd knows, I’ve spent no money except on my new car. No financing for me! YAAAAY!!!
And the car dealership sent me a gift card to a fancy restaurant, so we can eat good too.
I’ll give you time to get your passport. July be ahiight! LOL!
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Nice! That would be AMAZING! I have to save a few coins myself, but I might have to meet you down there. I would love to never have to wear a coat or boots again.
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Well, you just let me know because I will be traveling through Mexico and I have decided to not take myself completely off grid because if anyone wants to come visit me or stay with me, you’d be welcome because I am getting out of here! I have no intentions of staying around and waiting on a Trump presidency or a Clinton presidency. I am going to be ‘absentee’ in the truest since of the word!
Thanks Kelley!
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I totally understand! I know you have been hinting at this and I’m so glad it worked out for you to follow through. I’m excited for you! Will you be posting about your travels?
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Yes, Kelley, I will be posting about my adventures. I will be stopping all along the way at various hotels and eating establishments, of course. And I will post about my experiences in different states on the way to Mexico and hopefully, once I am in Mexico. After that, it may get a little ‘iffy’ depending on the situation. But I will try my best to keep this up and running.
Thank you Kelley! Me thinks, it’s going to be ‘interesting’ to say the least!
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For all ‘the girls’!
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Genie, thanks! I’m a ‘two-fisted’ mama! If that didn’t put some spark back in me, I don’t know what would! I was just a jamming to that tune! Thank you much! You’re the best Genie!
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This is why you are my hero and I mean that with all that makes me me. Also, when I was going through my depression they wanted to pump me full of that legal dope, but I wasn’t having it. Glad I stood my ground and found me a doctor that was in to alternative therapies.
Take care of yourself missy we need you here and healthy.
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Awwww! Thanks HLJ! You know, those psych doctors need to be shot! They really do! But I had told my cousin to take as little of that shit as possible, but would he listen? Hell no! He kept telling the doctor that he couldn’t sleep and he needed more and they kept pumping him full of that toxic shit! When they said something about ECT(electroconvulsive therapy) I stepped in and put my foot down and that’s when they had him committed. I have been battling this system here since last August.
I had my own lawsuit going on and had this going down at the same time. I have been slammed every which way for over two damn years; what with the car accident and this mess with my cousin. I have had hardly any time for me.
I have tried to understand his mental disorder. I have put up with being cussed out, the jail calling me because he’s locked up for assault, the goddamn doctor’s office calling me because he’s off his meds and acting crazy. Hell! By now, I’m crazy!
And now, this fool, knew he was out of money, took off any damn way because he just knew that when he called me, I would come running. Last Friday, I was out and about, doing some stuff for me. I get a call. He wants me to drive through two cities to pick him up and take him home. I drop everything and go pick him up and then get cussed out because I asked him to please stop bouncing all over the car and singing to the top of his lungs. GEEZUS KRIST! I have more than served my sentence with this deranged man! He has got two case workers and they are good for shit! I tellya HLJ, it ain’t easy being me!
I am glad that you told those assholes just where to shove their poisoned pills, Would that cousin had followed suit, but you see, he had abused drugs in the past and was always chasing some sort of high and some of those mental meds, give people, a high and he just wanted more to keep that ‘high’ feeling and that is why when the doc said, “Here, I’ve increased your dose.!” He said, “Why, thank you! Can I have some more?” And now, I have to deal with the consequences. Sigh!! It’s time for me to let go!
Thank you for your comment HLJ! I sincerely appreciate it!
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you SO much for the re-blog! Maybe others who are in similar circumstances will see this and realize that we can only put ourselves through so much and then, it is time to just let go and live!
Again, I thank you!
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I am happy you are getting to a good place for you.
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Since you love the song by the great Katie Webster, I think this one will have you howling! It does me! lol …way too funny and way too real!!!
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LMAO!! Genie, I roared with laughter over this one! I hope she is on iTunes because this would be wonderful for me to listen to while I’m on my road trip to Mexico or anywhere for that matter. I also couldn’t help but laugh when she said she’d fixed him some ‘HORSE’ d’oeuvres!
I had never heard of Katie Webster! I must be living under a rock, for crying out loud! She is amazing! Genie, thank you SO much! I absolutely LOVED it!! She didn’t put up with that man’s shit for long! LOL!
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Yeah, Katie Webster is absolutely fabulous, what I can’t get over is how womanly she is, gosh, if I was singing that song about the red neglige, I think I would let some anger slip in when she says: “I don’t wanna talk about it, …that man never wants to talk about anything.”
It’s so typical of men to not listen, but Katie, she’s one classy lady, ain’t gonna let no man get her down! She’s a role model, on top of being a phenomenal singer, song writer, and pianist.
btw, I have the album, if you send me an email I’ll send it to you via a few songs at a time, they should open in iTunes, (it’s not illegal to share music with family 🙂 and since we’re sisters, it’s only natural that I would rather send you the album than have you buy it too, and also, I’m not sure if it’s on iTunes anyway, I bought the album in a blues shop in Chicago.)
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Thanks Genie! I sent you an email. I hope you get it! I have been through Chicago lots of times, but I never stopped long enough to enjoy what Chicago has to offer.
Katie Webster has a tremendous talent and yet, I have never heard of her! I am sorely lacking in my education. It must be because of the education system in the South.
And you are so right, it is typical of men to not listen but you know, it’s because they ‘think’ they know everything. I agree, she is one classy lady because I cannot post on here, what I would have done to the man she was referring to in her song. Hell hath no fury and all that jazz, ya know!
Thanks again! I loved it! Can’t stop listening to it!
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Right on! Sad yet inspirational. I always ask, how can you give a person your best if you can’t even give it to yourself? You really have to be right within before you start doling out time, love and attention.
So glad you had a revelation, wake-up call or however you define it. More women need this mindset. Thank you.
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Thank you Kelley! And that is why I posted this. I am hoping that others will realize that they can be of no use to themselves if they let other people burn their candle for them. And that is what I was doing. Also, I was listening to people tell me that I was all he had. No, that is not true! He may not have had any other family in his corner, but he sure as hell was supposed to have a ‘support system’, i.e., case workers, case managers, a PCA; the whole nine yards and yet, I was the ‘go to’ person for everything. They let the man out of the psych ward the day before I had to go out of town for the mediation over the lawsuit. When I saw the state my cousin was in, I flew into a rage because he looked like he was ready to die. He was emaciated and dehydrated and could not keep anything down and yet, I had to get him some soup and call his case workers to find someone to stay with him because I HAD to go to mediation. The man couldn’t even stand up on his own AFTER having been released from a hospital!
I swear! The shit that goes on, some people just have NO fucking idea! And then, I have the nerve to wonder why I’m sitting somewhere looking cross-eyed. It is no wonder.
Kelley, thank you for your comment. It is truth in its entirety!
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I can only imagine. We all know the hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, prisons and countless other industries are sleeping in the same bed. Instead of finding the root and healing it naturally, they prescribe drugs[or imprisonment].. then other drugs to combat the side effects of said drugs! Then they often relapse because withdrawal is bitch. It’s a dangerous cycle.
And it’s no problem, Shelby; I appreciate you sharing your testimony.
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That is SO true and my cousin will never be the same and it is truly sad, but at the same time, I cannot let my life just slip away and continue to beat myself up because I know what his situation is. There is no easy answer and people will never listen to advice. And that is why I think he actually hates me because every single time he gets into trouble, it is because he did the very opposite of what I suggested and so every time he looks at me, he sees the voice of reason and responsibility and it galls him no end. I am not trying to be a ‘know it all’ but I can but try to make known to him when he is getting himself into trouble. But he never listens and I have to continue to pick up the pieces and I am tired. So very tired.
Again, thanks Kelley!
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No doubt. Luckily you got tired enough to wash your hands of it.
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I have to admit, Shelby, that I have had very similar experiences with men. As far as I can see, male-female relationships are pretty much one way – the women do all the giving and the men all the taking. The burden of a relationship makes it extremely hard for most women to achieve their full potential as a human being.
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That is SO true, Dr. Bramhall! It makes no difference if the relationship is one of marriage or one of family. This post should make that crystal clear. Like I stated in a previous comment, I am fed up past my eyeballs with those assholes; each and every one of them. I got rid of that son-of-a-%&%&, I married and I’m getting rid of this excess baggage that has been clinging to me for years too numerous to count. That is the reason why he followed me all across the country is because he knew that I would break my goddamn neck to make sure that he was okay. Well, not any more. I understand that he is fucked up in the head, but then, so are many, many other people and there is a system that is supposed to see to their needs. And he is hooked up in that system. I should not have to deal with this shit on a day-to-day basis AND get cussed out for my efforts! Hell no!
If I never see another man, it would be too soon for me! And I had to find another way to get out of this shithole because I am not putting up with TSA lines, molestation and radiation and I am not risking the Norovirus that is rampant on cruise ships and the only other alternative was to drive. And so, even if the car gets confiscated while driving through Mexico, at least I’ll be OUT of the US. Whatever the hell happens after that, WILL indeed, be an ‘adventure’, of that I have no doubt!
Dr. Bramhall, I thank you for your comment!
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