Sometimes, I wish I had a heart to break.
I have never known love; I hear it’s about give and take.
Whenever I thought I was in love, it turned out to be just lust.
And if I am to go through life without love, then I must.
Now, I am not saying that I have had no relationships at all.
I am merely saying that when it came time to end, I took no fall.
I did not feel any ache or loss that should have hit me deep.
My doomed lover would look at me as though he expected me to weep.
What a disappointment I must have been for I could not manage one tear.
And each time, I walked away with eyes, not red with tears, but crystal clear.
No, I am not bragging or pretending that this is normal in any way.
But I read so many stories of lovers having parted at the end of the day.
And each took something away with them of a lesson learned,
that even though love was once shared, in the end, they got burned.
Yet through it all; the heartache and the tears, they would do it over again;
endure the highs and the lows and when it’s over, take it on the chin.
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland
And no, I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am just wondering at what I have been missing since lovers speak of having gained from the experience of love and loss and how it may be difficult, but in time, they eventually pick themselves up, dust themselves off and get back on that particular horse. I always wonder about something that has never affected or infected me, like love. And please, please do not state that I have just not found the right one and that the right one will fall into my lap when I am least expecting it. I do not wish it anyway. I am not capable of ‘deep and true’ love or I would know it by now. I have no ‘love’ to give. I am far too selfish, apparently. I have other sterling qualities, if I may be so bold as to toot my own horn, but none of us are perfect. *wink*