It’s Been Four Years

You were mother’s favorite from the day you were born
and then from her arms, thanks to crack, you were torn.
I was jealous of you since I thought you had it all.
You were so smart and so beautiful; a Cinderella at the ball.

In your band uniform and with your saxophone ready
you marched out on that field amidst loud cheers and confetti.
Voted ‘gold brick’ girl, your sense of humor stole the show.
You were brilliant at everything until to crack, you couldn’t say, “No!”

It shortened your beautiful life and destroyed who you were.
After you became addicted, the rest of your life was just a blur.
You stole and you lied and we did not know what to do.
Your family threw their hands up, we all gave up on you.

Four years you’ve been gone and how the time did fly.
And I never got the chance to say to you, “Goodbye!”
I hear the mournful wail of a saxophone playing.
It would be from you if I could bring you back by praying!

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2017 Shelby I. Courtland

I cannot believe that it’s been another year since my sister’s death on May 6, 2013. For those of you who are new to this blog, my sister died from a crack overdose.
She was the most talented and beautiful person I’ve ever known. I sit here, writing this, with tears streaming down my face because my sister had it all except for the ability to give up the crack pipe. I have never known anyone who had her smarts. There was nothing she could not do except get off crack. And I just don’t understand nor can I seem to accept how someone who was as brilliant as she was is dead from crack. Her brain was a computer. I’ve said this before and I say it again, there was no mathematical equation or computation that she couldn’t do as fast as a computer. She never had to open a book; she just knew the answers and even her college roommate was jealous of her because my sister never opened a book and yet aced every exam. Walked out of the classroom a few minutes after entering it with her exam completed. She excelled at music, cooking, math, history, English, art; everything! But crack was her Achilles heel. Beside her, my other sister and myself are kindergarten rejects and I wish I was kidding. She never married, had no children, was the youngest and yet, she is dead!

My sister, I mourn you still!!

12 thoughts on “It’s Been Four Years

      • Yes, that is true, Leslie. And yet, I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that she’s dead. It’s like when you know a person is still alive and relatively young, even though they are on drugs, it just does not dawn on you that they’ll be dead sooner than later. I guess I just hoped that she’d get it together, but she never did.

        And this time each year, I’m now mourning her when I didn’t do anything for her when she was alive. I wasn’t even in the same state.

        Oh, well. I guess I’m just dealing with my own feelings of guilt here.

        Thanks Leslie!

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank YOU Kelley for your heartfelt words of sympathy. They mean much to me! I still can’t believe she’s gone since I didn’t see her everyday seeing as how I lived halfway across the country and seldom came home to visit. In fact, the last time I saw her was in 2006 and I was in town in 2011-2013 taking care of mother and I never saw her since she was banned from my mother’s house. I had just left town and moved back to Minnesota when I got the call that she was found dead. SIGH! I just can’t help but think back on when we were children growing up and wondering how she got turned on to drugs to the point where she had no control over them.

      Kelley, again, I thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I have an uncle who is pretty much a genius as well. An engineer! He taught me how to draw! BUT crack found him and all some people need is that one taste and it’s over. Its difficult for us outsiders to understand, but I know that I’d never think to try it hearing stories like your sister’s and my uncle’s.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Kelley, I am with you in that I would never think to try it and even back in the day, it was understood that if crack was tried once, the person was addicted to it. If I heard that, no crack would enter my system. But, maybe some people just didn’t think that was true or that they could quit any time.

        I am also so sorry that your uncle was a victim of crack. This is why I am not at all upset that now the whites are seeing their loved ones succumb to the lure of opioids and other drugs because not a one of them threw fits when crack was decimating Black families, but now there is all of this handwringing and gnashing of teeth going on since whites are offing themselves by the thousands over their illicit drug use.

        Black families have been awash in tears for decades over the devastation a crack epidemic wrought that the CIA launched on us. Yes, karma is a bitch, but still won’t bring our loved ones back to us. SIGH!

        Thanks again Kelley!

        Liked by 1 person

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