I’m Back!

It’s been awhile, I know. But if anyone has read my last blog post, then you already know that I was hell bent on getting out of Baltimore and I could not wait for the movers to fit me in on their schedule. I ordered a Penske truck, hired some guys to load the truck and actually put my ‘big’ girl pants on and drove the truck myself for hundreds of miles. Now, some of you may recall that when I was attempting to leave Minnesota heading for Baltimore, I could not even drive my vehicle because of injuries I sustained in a recent car crash, but this time around, car crash be damnned, I was going to get the hell out of Baltimore, one way or another. I drove hell for leather out of Baltimore and I didn’t stop except for gas and restroom breaks and of course, me being me, I happened to chance upon an overdose victim lying on a bathroom floor in a Sheetz gas station in the back of beyond. People were yelling for someone to get the baby that had fallen out of her hands and landed on the floor beside the overdose victim who was in the women’s restroom, also lying on the floor. For the love of!!! And for the first time in my life, I had to use a GASP!, men’s restroom. You guys can have it. One young lady who was about 12 was with her mother and her three siblings and when she saw the inside of the men’s room, she gasped and ran out while her mother was begging her to use the restroom because they did not want to have to stop again right up the road. That little lady was having none of it. Not to mention, one of the workers at the gas station had to provide us ladies with toilet tissue. You guys don’t wipe your butt? GEBUS CHRIST! You’re nasty! But as usual, I digress.

I made it out of Baltimore, just barely because I got stuck in horrific traffic and was basically crawling out of that hellhole. But I made it out. Where I am now is Hillbilly Heaven, Redneck Row, Klan Headquarters, NRA Recruitment Center, Deer Hunters Anonymous, Trailer Park Outcasts, No-Teeth Bubba Club and the list is endless, but you get the message. So far, thankfully, none of the above mentioned groups have bothered to ‘bother’ me. They’re too busy at the gun range and at the road side gun shows to even look in my general direction. Do I feel threatened? Not at all. You see, I was raised amongst this lot and don’t I know them or what? I know them and they know the likes of me and I can put up with them more so than where I left; Baltimore, that is. Ain’t it something how I can put up with the ‘Supremacy Clubs’ but I couldn’t put up with being in “The Hood?”

Now, I bet you’re saying, “Shelby, have you lost your mind?” No, not yet, I don’t think. Just because I now live in a trailer park with all the riffraff you can imagine is no reason to suppose that I am worse off than I was in Baltimore. Like I said, I grew up around the likes of these folks who go on and on about ‘supremacy’ to whomever will listen, but the thing is see, I don’t listen. I’m too busy swilling my moonshine right alongside the likes of them. We understand each other and my trailer is just a bit wider than theirs. You see, I gots me a ‘double wide’ since I had so much stuff loaded up in the truck and the folks that make up Hillbilly Heaven, Redneck Row, Klan Headquarters, NRA Recruitment Center, Deer Hunters Anonymous, Trailer Park Outcasts and No-Teeth Bubba Club actually helped me unload the truck and moved me in. Once I opened my mouth and said, “Howdy y’all!” They knew I was from a neck of the woods like their own. I may have a little deeper tint to my skin, but it meant no difference to them. They asked me how I liked their ‘gawd’, Donald Trump and I said, “I think he’s the greatest thing for America since the Boston Tea Party and that right there sent them into spasms of hoots and hollers. They even passed the jug of corn liquor around to me and after I swiped it with my sweater sleeve, I partook of a swig and I gotta tellya, it put hair on my chest. But, we is getting along, oh yes, we is. In fact, we had a discussion long into the night about Trump and the national anthem and the flag and #TakeAKnee and they were of course against taking a knee and I told them that likewise, I was agin taking a knee. They was outdone that I was, a few of ’em were, while some of em just leaned back with a knowing grin on their face like they knew what I was going to say about that.

I said, “I wouldn’t take a knee for the national anthem, nor would I place my hand over my heart because I ain’t American. That’s for you guys to do. I happen to be here on sufferance through no fault of my own and so that lets me off the hook in so far as recognizing national anthems, flags and the like. How do they apply to me? They don’t. Why should I get bent out of shape over an anthem and a flag that has no meaning for me since I was never recognized as a citizen of this nation? If others want to make a big deal out of something that does not pertain to them in any way, shape or form, then that’s on them, but as for me, I got no skin in the ‘game’. I’m merely a bystander. I am not required to take up arms in defense of this nation because this is not my nation. This is not my country for if it were, then I would have no need to take a knee when the national anthem was played. I would have no need to refuse to place my hand over my heart when reciting the pledge of allegiance. Pledge allegiance to what? A country that has never recognized me as a citizen? And why should I get upset if Donald Trump calls some grown men who play a child’s game, ‘sons of bitches’ because he is just doing what he has been doing since getting himself elected; being an egotistical asshole? This fool lives to goad people into playing right into his hands. Donald Trump is good for America because he has been able to do what no other president could do and that is to expose America’s hypocrisy for all the world to see. He has given you guys in the Klan and you Hillbilly Heaven Boys and you Redneck Row guys, your gonads back. You can now waltz down the street flying your confederate flags and wave your rifles and handguns in the air without hearing your president condemn you for doing so. You feel that he is one of you. He got cho back. You feel that since Obama had my back for eight years, it’s now YOUR turn. So, hey! I ain’t mad at none of you guys because even though Obama ignored the likes of me, Trump is going to do what for you? Exactly what he has done; embolden you to show your true colors and for that, I thank him. I have always known where we stand, but it had to take Donald Trump for some to figure it out? Unbefuckingbelievable! Now, pass that jug over here again!”

So you see folks, Donald Trump is quite actually doing more FOR America than any one of us could have ever hoped for. He has removed all doubt that racism, bigotry, prejudice, intolerance and hatred was ever really on its way out the door. It has simply been seething beneath a thin surface, waiting to be uncovered. And while I was waiting to get internet service hooked up to my double wide trailer, I was perusing blogs on my flimsy, cheap ‘smartphone’ and I came across so many blogs by ‘whites’ who stated that since Donald Trump exposed what ALL Black folks already knew, they are now quite aware that they are actually, drum roll please, “A RACIST!” WOW! May they now go to the head of the class! Some expressed the desire to change. Others wondered if they could do so. Some claimed to have had no idea that they were racist until after having been confronted with acts of racism whereas they saw themselves thanks to those ‘uncovered acts’. Don’t that beat all? I do believe that I would know, and in no uncertain terms, if I had it in for people who filled me with hatred for them based solely on the color of their skin of which they have no control. But, by all means, ‘white’ folks, please continue in your attempts to pretend that you are just now finding out, thanks to Donald Trump’s descent to the presidency that you are what you’ve always been; flaming hypocritical shits who are indeed, racist, ignorant, hate-filled, pathetic worms who slither around on this planet filling it with your toxic slime.

And no, I will never acknowledge your anthems or your flags. “I Am Not Your Negro.” I will not celebrate your holidays. I will never bear witness to what you consider to be your achievements when your achievements are not your own but are due to the backbreaking efforts of those who look like me while you took the credit and banked the profits. To me, this is not about an anthem or a flag, but about your flaming hypocrisy and arrogance in thinking that someone had to point out to you that you are a vile piece of filth not even worthy to be worm food. Fuck you!

Yes indeed, I am back! Now, ain’t you glad! I know you is, you pasty-faced, fuck-faced racist shits!