💔​​Cultural Racism Is Keeping People Single💔 — The Eye Wall

Dear T.S.P. Family, I recently composed a meme where I expressed the importance of incorporating the effects systematic racism has had on American society when we’re having discussions about what a healthy romantic relationship should look like. In other words, you can’t talk about “love” without factoring in how “race” affects the way we judge the […]

via 💔​​Cultural Racism Is Keeping People Single💔 — The Eye Wall

So basically what T.S.P. is saying is that white women who date Black men have a fetish about the Big, Black buck with the huge dick, who was off limits back in the picking cotton slavery days. Black men who date white women got, “White women are submissive and won’t give me no lip” syndrome and therefore, are quite the opposite of the “Angry Black Ghetto Queen.” Black women who date white men do so because the Black man is broke-assed thanks to slavery since folks who was owned, couldn’t own a damn thing. And white men date Black women because they’ve got “My sex slave in the slave quarters” syndrome, that also is thanks in part to white men heading for the slave quarters after having not been satisfied by their white wife, AGAIN….back in the picking cotton slavery days. And some whites just have “I want to piss off my relatives by dating Blacks” syndrome and those of us who are single ain’t down with none of that. We got ourselves a big ole case of needing all up and down on some counseling.
Let me break MY situation down. I don’t date because I was married to a broke ass Black man who spent all of his earnings on the lottery and on card games played for money while I had to take care of the bills, but the thing is see, I knew he was broke assed and I married him anyway. And now that I have been divorced for quite some time, there ain’t nothing white, Black, purple or blue that’s worth me even looking at because with all of the STDs out there, if anybody thinks that I am going to dive back into the dating pool, they have got another think coming. Not to mention that if anyone has heard of the show, “The Bachelor,” then you know that the number one reason contestants are eliminated is due to STDs, namely herpes, which is incurable and many did not even know they had an STD until they tried out for that show. So, they have been spreading herpes to all and sundry. Yeah! Think about that for a minute or two. Let it sink in.
“ABC is testing for drugs—but perhaps more importantly, the network is checking for STDs.”

“As soon as the medical tests came back, you’d see that herpes was the biggest thing,” Hatta told Kaufman. “And sometimes you’d be the first person to tell a contestant that they had herpes. You’d be like, ‘Uh, you should call your doctor.’ Why? ‘We’re not going to be able to have you on our show, but you should call your doctor.’”

And with the way folks bed hop these days, I ain’t down with that. Nor am I down with having to attend every doctor’s appointment that my significant other goes to because I need to know just what the hell he is doing when I am not around. And the Black men I see in my day to day activities ALL want to know if I know how to cook! “Hell no and I ain’t yo mama!” Those old ass bastards want someone to take care of their sick asses. As long as I can remember, some old ass man has always been looking up in my face wanting me to get with them, acting like they something because our first date would be at their ‘Senior Living’ facility. Seriously??!!
I do believe that some of us don’t date because we are perfectly fine with being single. I don’t think it has everything to do with racism and who is poor and who is rich or about a fetish and because we need counseling because we as Black people have been subjected to every vile and atrocious thing whites could throw at us and so we are mentally and physically tired of the shit. We are, but at the same time, being single has its perks. You don’t have to worry about STDs. You don’t have to worry about what your ‘partner’ is doing when you’re not around; that trust issue. You don’t have to fake orgasms or feel like you are obligated to have sex with someone when you don’t want to have sex and the peace of being alone has its own benefits. You pay your own bills and have no one to drag you down with their issues because we ALL know that everyone brings baggage to the table. Some of us have gotten to a point in our lives where we find enjoyment in being single, carefree and able to do as we please. Call us selfish if you will, but I prefer to call us, “content.” And so I say, “Each to his/her own.”

Lastly, I covered some dating issues in a blog I posted a couple of years ago.

 

15 thoughts on “💔​​Cultural Racism Is Keeping People Single💔 — The Eye Wall

  1. I just came across this article and thought that I should mention it for those of you who are dating, be careful out there and this is why.

    STD rates in US reach record high, CDC says

    Rates of syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia have climbed for the fourth consecutive year in the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Tuesday at the in Washington.

    Last year, nearly 2.3 million US cases of these sexually transmitted diseases were diagnosed, according to preliminary data.

    ‘We are sliding backward’

    The preliminary data suggest that more than 1.7 million cases of chlamydia were diagnosed in 2017, with about 45% — 771,340 cases — emerging among 15- to 24-year-old women and girls.

    Fifteen year old girls are having sex! For the love of!!! And are getting STDs that may impact them negatively for life. We are most definitely sliding backward into territory we have no business in. Why are we not protecting our daughters? Because it is quite evident that we are not if they are infected with STDs as early as age fifteen.

    “Cultural racism” ain’t what’s keeping me single and with legs closed, this fucked up shit is! No goddamn ‘relationship’ is worth that!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Indeed, T.S.P., made some excellent points. I just like to piggyback on some things because people need to stay safe out there regardless of who they are doing the horizontal or in many cases, vertical tango with. With all that is going on, a body cannot be too careful and I for one, don’t even know why people get married especially seeing as how the divorce rate is still waaaay up. But again, each to his/her own.

      I thank you for your comment Kelley!

      Liked by 2 people

      • haaaaa please don’t forget about the vertical tango! Seems a lot more susceptible to… germs.
        I think a lot of people get married because they think they should. They want to please their families/friends. Or because someone asked. It’s disheartening.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Nope, we can’t forget about that, can we? I quite actually wish that I had never gotten married. But hindsight is useless if you married an asshole. I blamed it on being young and dumb. But even older and hopefully, ‘wiser’, I still cannot believe that I actually got married because I am just too set in my ways to ever like sharing or to change the fact that I like things a particular way and if they are not kept that way, then I am like a wild thing.

        I also think a lot of people marry for security. At least I have seen this to be the case in multiple instances. I couldn’t do that; marry for security. I’ll take my chances on securing my own existence. A couple of weeks ago, a man just walked up to me and asked me, “Do you have a man?” His ears are still ringing and I am sure he is quite deaf in one. And another guy actually did indeed, tell me that he was looking for a wife and “Can you cook?” Again, he is probably deaf in BOTH ears. It’s like when you give off this aura of ‘not interested, a person gets bombarded with this kind of thing. Maybe I need to pretend to swoon over the absolute deliciousness of a man in order to get them to leave me the hell alone and since I’ve purchased two vehicles to use for my volunteer agency, when I pull up, men are breaking their necks to help me out of the vehicle. Seriously! Don’t let a man think you’ve got a few pennies to rub together. You’re hot on their list then.

        Kelley, I sincerely thank you for your comment.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Your response is worth a post on its own. People definitely marry for security, someone to “fill the holes” and make them “whole”. Or, like in your case, to take the place of their mama.
        Shouldn’t we be building a life worth sharing (if that is what we want) instead of waiting for someone to help us out?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Kelley, that should be what it’s all about, “building a life worth sharing,” but that’s typically not what it turns out to be. People are wanting something from each other that’s got nothing to do with love because why else are there so many people who ‘fool’ around and have multiple sex partners while supposedly in a monogamous relationship called ‘marriage’? It is because they are using marriage as a security blanket while getting their ‘freak’ on with someone who can’t offer them the security they need, but satisfies their sexual fantasies or whatever they need in the sex department. I understand that ‘sex’ doesn’t pay the rent, but at the same time, I would not want someone whom I don’t even want to touch me just because they can offer me security against being homeless. I would want to be able to take care of myself and ‘marry’ for love instead of ‘marry’ for security because I would most definitely not opt for the necessity of a loveless marriage because I needed financial security. That is just wrong in so many ways. And for men to marry because they want someone to take care of them in their old age is wrong, but it would appear that this is what is happening. Women are marrying this type of man and fulfilling the ‘mama’ role while the man fulfills the role of ‘provider’ and neither has the least bit of feelings for the other; a marriage of convenience. No thanks!

        Kelley, I appreciate that wonderful comment!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Shelby,

        Always feel free to piggyback on anything I post. Any additional insight you can provide as a black woman on these particular topics is wholeheartedly welcomed by myself and is something that the people should see.

        One Love,
        The Stormy Poet

        Like

      • Thanks T.S.P. I highly value everything you write, I hope you know that. And this post, hopefully, in no way detracts from that. Sometimes, I just have a way of playing devil’s advocate and it may not come off the way it was intended. If that is the case, then I sincerely apologize.

        Like

  2. Shelby,

    That herpes statistic was shocking. I knew it was bad, but it being the main reason they were turning people down for the show really puts things in perspective. Thank you for hipping me and the public to that.

    Also, you brought up a really great point. There are, indeed, benefits in being single. That is something that isn’t talked about or celebrated because people are pressured by society to “just be with someone,” even two people aren’t really all that compatible with one another.

    Though I am at a different place now emotionally and mentally, I thoroughly enjoyed being by myself for many of the reasons you mentioned and because it gave me time and space to grow, to enhance my skill level in my craft, and I could come and go as I pleased.

    Being in a relationship is a wonderful experience, but being single often gets demonized. People used to ask me “why are you still single?” like there was something wrong with me lol. I just didn’t want to be with anything during that time.

    Anywho, good additional insight, ma’am. I appreciate you reblogging and for sharing this information with the people.

    Sending positive vibes your way.

    One Love,
    The Stormy Poet

    Like

    • I had read about that a few months back and was like, “WTF?!” I had no idea that things were so bad! That is why Charlie Sheen said that we would be surprised at how many people in Hollywood are walking around HIV positive. Not to mention, they are most likely walking around dripping STDs. In some respects, it should not be too surprising seeing as how those people hook up with dozens of ‘mates’ all within the space of a month’s time if we can believe what we read. But one thing we can believe is that the statistics of people who are infected in America with STDs is way up there. It begs that people proceed with caution in any ‘romantic’ encounter or relationship.

      And yes, I find that being single is more beneficial for me than dating or being married or being in a relationship ever was. People are just too demanding for my taste and I like to do things when I want to, how I want to and I don’t like being made to answer to anyone. Like I’ve previously stated, call me “selfish,” but I just like to do my own thing when I want to do it and I am perfectly fine with not having ‘romance’ in my life. Been there, done that. Don’t miss it. But for those who love having someone, more power to them.

      But I do want to thank you for writing this piece. As you can see, it is getting much attention and is my number one post today. Good on you! Keep pounding them out! Your readers await!

      Take care,
      Shelby

      Like

  3. As you’re aware, Shelby, I’m not really keen on dating or marriage, either. It’s been my experience that men are still really fixated on having women mother them (as you point out), and in my experience it makes it extremely difficult for women to lead independent and autonomous lives. It’s also really exhausting.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Too true Dr. Bramhall. My marriage was a perfect example of what you speak of. I was exhausted while he was lying around watching world wide wrestling and the only fucking bill he paid with any regularity was the goddamn cable bill so that he could order that pay-per-view wrestling bullshit. Meanwhile, I’m run ragged trying to get the kid to school, go to work, get off, wash clothes, fix dinner, give the kid a bath, put the kid to bed, wash the dishes, take a shower and fall, exhausted into bed and he turns to me wanting some sex. I had to have his ass locked up to keep him the hell off me. I was not going to do it all and then give him sex because he’s somewhere acting like he is king of MY fucking castle. Fuck that! I couldn’t even pick out the vehicle I wanted. He would always come back with some piece of shit car that always needed to be fixed and expected me to make the payments on them. We had 3 fucked up cars sitting in the driveway and between the 3 of them, they didn’t even make for 1 good vehicle. That is what I had to put up with.

      And don’t even get me started on the times when his mother has called after having fought with her husband and we had to go pick her ass up and she had to stay with us. Who in the hell wants their mother-in-law staying with them? And on top of that, his sister got put out of her apartment and she wanted her fucking furniture to be stored in our basement. Like hell that was going to happen. I had to have his ass locked up over that because we fought about storing her shit in our basement. Wasn’t going to happen.

      Sometimes, you have to also be aware of the fact that when dealing with another person in your life, you’ve also got to deal with their family issues as well.

      Men do indeed, want a mama figure, someone to do everything that their mamas did and they are some of the most inconsiderate, demanding assholes to ever breathe and so they can just stay the hell out of my face especially seeing as how they bring more fucked up shit with them than anything else. I’ll not be any man’s maid, housekeeper, cook, handy woman or sex slave. To hell with that shit and to hell with relationships. I prefer my own company because no one is better at entertaining me than I am. Reading books has always been my first love and so if asked if I’d rather have a good book in my hand or a man? A book wins, hands down every time!

      Dr. Bramhall, I thank you for your comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ms. Courtland:
    I totally agree with what you have said about relations. They can be tiring and abusive, so I just stay clear of them.
    Besides, a lot of my friends are no longer pursuing relationships because they have had some really hard times dealing with so-called mates and their nonsense.
    And I have been asked by men to marry them; no thanks. I would not want to marry someone really not known to me anyway.
    I love your blog.

    Like

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