“And since we all came from a woman, got our name from a woman and our game from a woman- I wonder why we take from our women, why we rape our women, do we hate our women? I think it’s time to kill for our women, time to heal our women, be real to […]
I was able to experience this phenomenon first-hand when I experienced abuse within my relationship. I remember very vividly the way that my mother-in-law made me feel after one particular extra-heated argument that my ex-husband and I had that got out of control. She treated me like I didn’t even exist when she came into my home. I don’t have a child, so I couldn’t tell you what my exact reaction would be if I were in her shoes. But as a woman, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be condoning or enabling any abusive behavior from any family member of mine, let alone my son. To this day, she never once asked me was I ok or tried to check on how I was doing. Instead, she saw me as the cause of the problem. I wonder if maybe she was able to witness the countless conversations that I had with my mom while I locked myself in a bathroom or my car telling her that I was scared to come out, that maybe she might have been more sympathetic. Maybe if she would have seen me in an actual chokehold, she would realize that her son was not the only party capable of being hurt, and that I was someone’s child as well.
I can relate to this woman’s experience on every level. The only difference is that her soon to be ex mother-in-law condoned the abusive behavior of her son towards his wife while my own mother condoned my husband’s abusive behavior towards her own daughter; me. To this very day, my mother still calls my ex-husband, “her son-in-law.” Don’t that beat all? And yet people have the nerve to castigate me for the letter I publicly wrote to my mother. If I thought it would shame her ass at all, I’d write another one. But you can read my “Happy Birthday Wish To My Mother” letter right here!
When my ex-husband beat me and covered me in bruises and I told my parents about it, the only thing they did was encourage me to “work it out with him” because, just as this woman states in her blog, this vicious cycle just continues since my father beat my mother to within an inch of her life, many, many, many times. And so I don’t know why I expected any help from THAT direction especially with the type of upbringing I had.
My situation devolved to the point whereas I had already moved out of the home I shared with my ex-husband and was living on my own, however, that became untenable because my ex-husband would get his friends to watch me coming and going and eventually, he started banging on my door, demanding entrance. Out of abject fear, I had to flee the only town I’d ever known and head to parts unknown with just $700.00 to my name.
So yes indeed, there is much abuse in the African Amerikkkan descendants of slaves community and it should be exposed because only by doing so, will we be able to address the fact that this type of abuse is a serious problem and it needs to stop.
And sadly, as the author of this blog states, this is ALL baggage that is from our history of enslavement in this shithole. How on earth can we be mentally healthy people when we are a product of slavery and we experience racism, bigotry, hatred, prejudice; the whole nine yards to this very day simply because whites dragged our ancestors to this shithole as slaves and still treat the descendants of those slaves worse than shit?! Many of us, apparently, experience self-hatred and project that outward and we are hurting those whom we should be protecting with our lives.
It is still Black women who are on the front lines when racist police gun down our brothers, uncles, fathers, nephews, husbands and sons. We are the ones who do the marching through the streets, the burying, the crying, the demands for justice. We suffer untold atrocities everyday because of our love for our men and yet our men turn right around and beat us senseless? What kind of shit is that? We are not your enemy. Your enemy is the same as ours. If you treat your enemy like some of you treat us, maybe we’d be getting somewhere. You better act like you know! So yes, sista is right on point with this post because I can most definitely relate and I am sure many of you can. I only wish I could not.