An Appeal To Black Mothers: Don’t Perpetuate Self-Loathing

 

 

Yesterday, I was talking with a woman who was about the same age as myself, late fifties, and she was telling me about her childhood and as she did so, I could not help but gasp because we could have been sisters growing up in the same household as her experiences mirrored my own.

She was telling me of how the police had to be called to her home damn near every weekend and multiple times during the week over domestic assault issues. She also told me about the fights; the throwing of objects at each other and whatnot that her parents engaged in. She also spoke of the insults that she endured on a regular basis coming from her own mother. She told me how growing up in that environment only made her life turn out exactly like her mother’s. She married an abusive man, put up with untold abuse until she could no longer take it and divorced his ass. She told me that to this day, she has to distance herself from her mother and that her mother gets on her case because she is looking out for her sick father. She told me that even after telling her mother that her father has no one and that she, her mother, is married and has a husband to look after her, why does she have a problem with her helping out her ailing father? Her mother in fact told her that when she dyed her hair a Kool-aid burgundy color, “You look like a nigger!”

Now for those of you who read my blog titled, “A Letter To My Mother On Her 77th Birthday! Happy Birthday Mother,” then you know that what this lady told me is exactly what you have read on that blog. Again, we could have lived in the same household because her life mirrors mine down to a “T.”

Here is an excerpt from that blog:

I am going to attempt to find the words to convey just what emotions you evoke in me mother; hate, disgust, loathing and yes…pity, for you are so despicable, nasty and hateful that no one wants to come around you and I actually pity you. I spent so many years trying to gain affection from you that was never yours to give because you hate yourself. You loathe yourself for why else would you stay with a man who, when you were pregnant with me, your first baby, threw you a quarter when you told him you were hungry and he said, upon throwing you a quarter, “Here, I wouldn’t want to see a dog hungry.” And yet you thought so little of yourself that not only did you continue to lie with that slug, you brought two more children into this world to be condemned to live with two people who hated each other. We learned to hate as well.

As you can see, it is crystal clear that many Black women loathe themselves; have no respect for themselves, feel as though they are worthless since they will settle for an abusive asshole who beats their asses and yet they stay with them year after year and those mothers take that shit out on their children. They subject their children to untold cruelties and then are pissed at their children for the rest of their life for becoming a mirror image of them. That shit’s not on your children, that shit’s on you! Your self-loathing and lack of respect for yourself is something that you never dealt with and you subjected your children to your own lack of self worth. You became a punching bag; an outlet for some no good man to take his frustrations out on. You subjected your children; those you CHOSE to bring into this world to a life of sheer torture, pain, terror, racism and some more shit and they were ill-prepared to deal with that shit! You gave them no means in which to be guided through the system of white supremacy that you know exists because you live under that oppressive system. You gave your children an added burden; the burden of trying to maneuver through a system that was evil to its core and lethal to your children while they also had the extra burden of your baggage to carry around with them. You set them up for failure. You did your best to see to it that your children would suffer, mightily. And we have. You did us no favors. We had an enemy from our own camp to set us up and then tossed us to another enemy on a battlefield on which we never stood a chance. We were not prepared because we were damaged goods already before we even knew what was going to hit us. How do you Black mothers who have done this to your children, live with yourselves? If you could not handle life as a Black woman, then why bring Black children into despair and horror that is the world you exist in that makes you loathe and hate yourself? Your children will not thank you for what you did; hurled them out into a world they were ill-prepared for and told them to sink or swim. And yet you castigated us and treated us with derision when we made decisions that mirrored your own. We took our cue from you. We learned at your knee. We looked to you. That shit’s not on us, it’s on you! You are why you hate us. You ‘gifted’ us with no silver spoons, but with tarnished hearts, battered bodies and broken minds, helpless and barely adrift in a sea of hate everywhere we turned, even when we turned to you..our mothers. What chance did we stand? How could we have turned out any better than we did? And yet you mothers of us blame us for why we are your mirror image. You act as though, we, somehow, should have emerged from a chrysalis to a well-rounded adult free from issues and with the ability to take on a world that hated the very sight of us because of our skin color.

No Black mothers! We have you to thank for refusing to realize that your actions would have consequences and those consequences would come right back to you. You get no thanks from us because you are due none. We cannot thank you for bequeathing us so little and yet expecting so much from us in return. We can only give you what you gave us; nothing more. And yet you expect much from us. Oh yes, we are YOUR children, but we are battered children. We suffer from YOUR abuse. We have “Battered Children’s Syndrome,” and it is very real. And we’re not talking merely about the physical battering of us, but more importantly, the mental battering of us. That was worse. The resulting scars from that are far more lasting and damaging than the physical ones. I can still see some of the physical damage on my body from the whippings and beatings, but by far, the mental damage is much, much worse. Where does a child turn when their own mother is their very first enemy? Where does a child turn when they face an enemy that hates them because they were born and to whom they were born hates them because she hates herself? Where? Can someone tell me? Tell us? Because there are many “me’s” out there! The lady that I spoke with told me that she thought she was the only one. I assured her that she was not. She actually sighed in relief when she heard that because she thought it was just her. Oh, how wrong she was. And oh how right I wish she had been.

And so it is true that this poem taken from that other blog to my mother is to ALL the Black children who are broken and who were broken before they ever experienced hatred from the rest of the world, but knew it coming from their own mother.

Happy Birthday Mother!

Yes, you brought me into this world;
a squalling little Black baby girl.
You belittled everything I ever did
and you beat me for nothing when I was a kid.

You want me to honor, love and respect you
when what I did was from you, take my cue.
I have never known what love is and I never will.
Not one tear for love will my eyes ever spill.

I’ve been called cold, callous and cruel,
but never have I been called, “love’s favorite fool.”
I know that this should be all about your day,
and it is in its own strange and morbid way.

There is just something that needs saying
because in this town where you live, I’m not staying.
I have come running every time you’ve ever called
and listened to each admonishment on my character, you’ve drawled.

That stops here and now because I don’t need you anymore.
I never really did but I’ve just got to settle the score.
When you talked about me to your acquaintances, that hurt.
But knowing what you are mother, I’m an expert.

I’ve watched you down through the years
send people packing with words sharper than shears.
I’ve listened to you drone on about how great you are
when you are too evil and wicked for hell by far.

You’ve got foul names for everyone you ever meet.
The language you use, the derogatory names, you bleat
to anyone who will come within your reach.
You sit on your ass and search for an invective to screech.

Then you have the nerve to wonder why you sit home alone
and that to this very day, there’s nothing for you to atone.
But your day is coming mother. It may not be here yet,
but then again, you may already be paying your debt.

Your favorite one of us died from drugs years ago
and the man you couldn’t leave hated your ass from the get-go.
Even his friends said he died to get away from you
and this I can believe because I’d do the same thing too.

So sit in your big falling down house and think,
think of all the reasons why you should take to drink.
Believe that you are good and that all others are at fault
And you’ll still deny your evilness when they lower you in that vault.

And lower you they will mother, for we must all go that route.
But don’t you think for one second that your ‘goodness’, I will tout.
You are evil personified and though I may drop dead first,
at least I’ll have the pleasure of knowing that your ass is accursed.

You will lie beside a man who hated you to the end.
Your youngest died years ago and she was a dope fiend.
And yet you blame us for problems we never placed at your door
even though you share the blame because we are what you bore!

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2019 Shelby I. Courtland

To the Black mothers who are like mine and the lady that I mentioned in this blog, this is our thanks to YOU! You’ve ‘earned’ it!

Black Women, Kevin Samuels Is Dead, Enjoy Your Weekend! Cheers! 🍾🥂🍾🥂

 

I admit that I never watched a video or read anything pertaining to Kevin Samuels, but unfortunately, it was hard to NOT hear of the things he said by other means and from what I gather, there was nothing about Kevin Samuels that denoted respect for Black women and so with that having been said, “Good riddance to bad rubbish!”

Kevin Samuels Dead at 57

The influencer and self-proclaimed image consultant, lifestyle coach, and dating expert died Thursday in Georgia.

The police report states they talked to a woman who said they met Kevin Wednesday night and spent the night with him at his place in Atlanta. The woman — who is a nurse — said Kevin started to complain of chest pains on Thursday morning, and she tried to help him. She told cops he fell on top of her, so she called 911 and requested a defibrillator from the front desk of the apartment complex.

Apparently, even Kevin Samuels heart got tired of beating to the tune of his insulting and offensive comments to Black women and simply refused to beat any more. So, dude was so vile that he had to resort to one-night stands and just so happened to have happened upon a nurse for his last bit of folly, but even that did him no good. That heart said, “Nurse or no nurse, I’m out!” Kevins Samuels’ demise gets no sympathy from me, nor any useless inane utterances of thoughts and prayers. For what? According to what I have heard about Samuels, he would have scoffed at those anyway.

One thing that I cannot understand is why it would seem that so many Black women even bothered to listen to this now deceased asshole. If someone was only spouting garbage about my lack of worth, I would certainly not continue to lend them an ear in which to receive such garbage. It would appear that even through these hard times, many Black women have too much time on their hands if they can sit up and listen, non-stop to an egomaniac and get all bent out of shape over what this disturbed individual had to say. And so thankfully, his heart refused to listen anymore and did what it did, quit on his ass. So now, he can fill the devil’s ears with his mindless, inane offensive drivel as he screeches as well while turning on a spit roasting in hell. Something will eventually put an end to the nonsense of puffed up nothings, who for whatever reason, obtained followers by the millions who paid his way. However, Atlanta is less one piece of shit black man. No loss there.

Black women, let no man define your worth. That is for you to do and as soon as you realize that you have no use for these ‘men’, the better off you’ll be. I wish someone had told me this long ago because I had to learn the hard way that only when I lived my life on my own terms and by myself did I do better in life than I ever did when a man was involved. It would seem that countless Black women are going to have to also find this out the hard way and that is a pity because it should be obvious by now that the only thing a Black man is going to do is bring you down. And don’t even bother with a white man which is what many of you are doing. You don’t need a man PERIOD, and that’s a fact.

So Black women, who are you going to follow now that this Samuels dude is a goner since his heart had more sense than all of you had? Find someone else to tell you how worthless you are and how you should just get somewhere and sit down because you have passed your expiration date on getting a so-called ‘high value man’ when there are none? Consider yourselves to be ‘high value women’ and you won’t feel the need to have a ‘man’ make you feel some type of way about yourself. Get some self esteem for a change and stop letting these snake oil salesmen keep selling you a bill of goods. Stop being a compliant conformist and think for yourselves. Of the two, Black women and Black men, Black women are the most educated, intelligent and independent because it is almost always a Black man that’s crawling to a Black woman for everything from a meal to a roof over his head. You don’t need Black men, Black men need you. And as you can see, even this Kevin Samuels piece of shit needed a woman to try and save his worthless life. But when it’s over, it’s over and there is no amount of saving shit. The only thing Samuels is going to be ‘influencing’ are the maggots and to the maggots I say, “Bon Appétit!”

The POWER of White Woman Tears – Amber Guyger And Botham Shem Jean by Chrissie

What this Black woman says on her Youtube video is on point! Watch the video and see if she is not right.

Now take a look at these pictures.

This is what should be weeping, moaning, pissing, whining and protesting over Botham Shem Jean’s death since this was his preference in life. Do they want him now that he’s worm food? I’m SO over this, it ain’t even funny!

And I ain’t finished!

We now know that Botham Shem Jean’s loyalties were not with Black folks. Shall I continue?

Yes, I shall continue!

Yeah! As You can see, he embraced his Blackness whiteness!

But look who is marching through the streets protesting his murder by one of those he so LOVED!

Next time this shit goes down Black women, sit your behind down along with your Black daughters. This shit is so NOT worth it!

And what do we have here?

And don’t even get me started on the Black heifer in this one soothing and patting on the hair of a racist bitch that was just convicted of murder. This is what is wrong with us Black women!

And this one just takes the fucking cake!

This Black female house slave Judge done gone and lost her damn mind. The judge can be seen in the background shedding tears into tissues over a convicted racist murderer whom she then hugs and hands over a bible to. For the love of !!!!!

Chrissie states in the video that loving and forgiving our enemies is a behavior that is pathological. I agree. We will kill each other and never even blink, but when a white motherfucker murders us, it is time to get out the bible and start quoting some shit about “forgiving your enemies because that is what god would want us to do.” Seriously??!!! Let god forgive your enemies, fools! If your white man’s religion speaks of a god full of forgiveness, then that is all the forgiveness your enemies need. You don’t need to add your two cents worth to it because your two cents ain’t worth shit!

If Botham Shem Jean’s relatives have forgiven that racist bitch for killing him, then why are they still proceeding with a civil suit because make no mistake, the same white man’s god that claims we should love and forgive our enemies for fucking us up also said, “give up your worldly goods and follow me.” And so, why aren’t Jean’s relatives following that biblical doctrine? They shouldn’t want any money thanks to Amber Guyger murdering their relative because they have forgiven her racist ass and so they should just pack up their little hefty bags and take their religious asses on back over to St. Lucia, shut the fuck up and not expect to receive a civil suit windfall settlement. You cannot have it both ways; follow some aspects of that fucked up white man’s made up bullshit religion, while ignoring other aspects of it. You cannot pick and choose what passages you want to take out of the white man’s bible. You either practice it fully or you’re a hypocrite and it would seem that Botham Shem Jean’s family are a bunch of dumb ass, weak, punk ass hypocritical christian bitches!

Chrissie also says that “We are a passive people.” Yes, we are. We sit somewhere and get our asses kicked daily and what do we do about it? Print a sign, march for two days and then go see Lion King. When someone fills our loved ones ass with bullets, we just get out the bible, quote some passages and forgive and forget. The only thing we are not passive about is when we are murdering each other. We will protect our drug turf even if it means killing innocent children. And Black folks, don’t even go there because you know that shit goes down every goddamn day! But let some fake blond racist murdering bitch cop cry and we get passive as hell to the point whereas the Black bailiff is stroking the bitches hair while the Black judge sobs uncontrollably in soaked tissues over the bitch while the Black brother of the murdered man sobs and begs the bitch for a hug while stating how much he loves her and that if it were up to him, she’d not step a foot inside a prison cell. “We are a passive people, but only when it comes to our enemies.” We are most definitely NOT passive towards each other.

Chrissie also states in the video that Black women don’t benefit from being ‘community minded’ and that we should only support the Black people who support us. Don’t support Black men or Black family when something happens to them and before it happened, they weren’t thinking about Black women or even knew we were alive and yet we take up the cause for every single one of our Black men or family even when they have turned their backs on us. Black women are always taken for granted. Our support can always be counted on. Look at the pictures that I have posted from Chrissie’s video of who Botham Shem Jean had in his life. There is not one picture with him and a Black woman. The shit that killed him is the same type of shit that he hung out with. Botham Shem Jean did not give two flying shits for Black women and yet we are bent-out-of-shape over his murder to the point whereas we are despondent, have taken to the streets in protest when if it had been one of us who had gotten ourselves murdered in the very same manner he did, his Black ass would still be sitting in his apartment, eating ice cream and talking on the phone to one of the many white women whom he preferred to hang out with. Every Black man is not worth our anguish, heartache, devotion, passion or time. And I am now of the mindset that Botham Shem Jean was worthy of none of the aforementioned.

What is sad is that Black women go on ‘automatic pilot’ when hearing of our Black men getting fucked up. We will immediately don our warrior attire and go to battle. Many Black men and even Black family members are not worth it. Go to bat for yourselves. Expend that energy on you, Black woman. I can honestly say that every Black man in my life hasn’t been worth the trouble of my tears, hand wringing, teeth gnashing and some more shit. When he wasn’t beating my ass, he was trying to steal everything he could from me or spitting on me or treating me like shit. This is exactly why I have not dated in over fifteen years because I am not going to get with a white male parasite and I am not going to put up with the shit that I have had to put up with from Black men. The only reason that I am upset about this is because I am a Libra and we hate injustice of ANY kind. But as far as I am concerned, I am through speaking on what happened to Botham Shem Jean.

When you consort and lie down with your white enemy, the least you can expect to get up with is lice and fleas. The most you can expect to get is not back up; but dead in a morgue and that is exactly what he got. If he didn’t know, now he know! Food for thought for the rest of you dumb as all hell Black men who want to fuck and fuck with what you used to be lynched for even looking at. And tell me this. Do you seriously think that what went down in that courtroom would have gone down if there was a Black female defendant sitting there instead of Miss bleached blond pasty-assed Amber Guyger? What sympathy or empathy do Black women receive inside a courtroom? I’ll tell you. NONE! Think on this shit the next time such as this unfolds. Get your fucking signs out and protest what doesn’t even see you because it is looking past you at some pasty-faced female parasite in order to try to cozy up to it and then when it fucks it up, Black women are front and center at the marches and protests. Well, this is one who will sit the rest of this shit out, even when it happens again. Because make no mistake, it will happen again because Black men…and Black women NEVER learn!

💔​​Cultural Racism Is Keeping People Single💔 — The Eye Wall

Dear T.S.P. Family, I recently composed a meme where I expressed the importance of incorporating the effects systematic racism has had on American society when we’re having discussions about what a healthy romantic relationship should look like. In other words, you can’t talk about “love” without factoring in how “race” affects the way we judge the […]

via 💔​​Cultural Racism Is Keeping People Single💔 — The Eye Wall

So basically what T.S.P. is saying is that white women who date Black men have a fetish about the Big, Black buck with the huge dick, who was off limits back in the picking cotton slavery days. Black men who date white women got, “White women are submissive and won’t give me no lip” syndrome and therefore, are quite the opposite of the “Angry Black Ghetto Queen.” Black women who date white men do so because the Black man is broke-assed thanks to slavery since folks who was owned, couldn’t own a damn thing. And white men date Black women because they’ve got “My sex slave in the slave quarters” syndrome, that also is thanks in part to white men heading for the slave quarters after having not been satisfied by their white wife, AGAIN….back in the picking cotton slavery days. And some whites just have “I want to piss off my relatives by dating Blacks” syndrome and those of us who are single ain’t down with none of that. We got ourselves a big ole case of needing all up and down on some counseling.
Let me break MY situation down. I don’t date because I was married to a broke ass Black man who spent all of his earnings on the lottery and on card games played for money while I had to take care of the bills, but the thing is see, I knew he was broke assed and I married him anyway. And now that I have been divorced for quite some time, there ain’t nothing white, Black, purple or blue that’s worth me even looking at because with all of the STDs out there, if anybody thinks that I am going to dive back into the dating pool, they have got another think coming. Not to mention that if anyone has heard of the show, “The Bachelor,” then you know that the number one reason contestants are eliminated is due to STDs, namely herpes, which is incurable and many did not even know they had an STD until they tried out for that show. So, they have been spreading herpes to all and sundry. Yeah! Think about that for a minute or two. Let it sink in.
“ABC is testing for drugs—but perhaps more importantly, the network is checking for STDs.”

“As soon as the medical tests came back, you’d see that herpes was the biggest thing,” Hatta told Kaufman. “And sometimes you’d be the first person to tell a contestant that they had herpes. You’d be like, ‘Uh, you should call your doctor.’ Why? ‘We’re not going to be able to have you on our show, but you should call your doctor.’”

And with the way folks bed hop these days, I ain’t down with that. Nor am I down with having to attend every doctor’s appointment that my significant other goes to because I need to know just what the hell he is doing when I am not around. And the Black men I see in my day to day activities ALL want to know if I know how to cook! “Hell no and I ain’t yo mama!” Those old ass bastards want someone to take care of their sick asses. As long as I can remember, some old ass man has always been looking up in my face wanting me to get with them, acting like they something because our first date would be at their ‘Senior Living’ facility. Seriously??!!
I do believe that some of us don’t date because we are perfectly fine with being single. I don’t think it has everything to do with racism and who is poor and who is rich or about a fetish and because we need counseling because we as Black people have been subjected to every vile and atrocious thing whites could throw at us and so we are mentally and physically tired of the shit. We are, but at the same time, being single has its perks. You don’t have to worry about STDs. You don’t have to worry about what your ‘partner’ is doing when you’re not around; that trust issue. You don’t have to fake orgasms or feel like you are obligated to have sex with someone when you don’t want to have sex and the peace of being alone has its own benefits. You pay your own bills and have no one to drag you down with their issues because we ALL know that everyone brings baggage to the table. Some of us have gotten to a point in our lives where we find enjoyment in being single, carefree and able to do as we please. Call us selfish if you will, but I prefer to call us, “content.” And so I say, “Each to his/her own.”

Lastly, I covered some dating issues in a blog I posted a couple of years ago.

 

Muhammad Ali Said It Best! “I Ain’t Got No Quarrel With Those Vietcong!”

 

 

As we all know, boxing legend, Muhammad Ali has died. He was 74. And though, I am not a fan of boxing, nor any contact sport for that matter, I hold Muhammad Ali in high esteem for the fact that he refused to let himself get drafted to fight no enemy of his. At least he stood up for his principles against a country that has never held a valid and undisputable claim on championing the rights of her Negro citizens. So, why would we fight for this country? We should not and Muhammad Ali made no bones about the fact that he would not go to Vietnam and fight against people he had no quarrel with.

Another fact, Muhammad Ali was all about staying true to his Negro heritage. He was not into intermingling and erasing our culture. He said it best again when he said,

“We are different. We are not the same. Blue birds fly with blue birds. Red birds fly with red birds, pigeons want to be with pigeons, the eagles like to hang out in the mountains, while the buzzards like to fly around in the desert. They each want to be with their own.” And when told that this should not apply to people because we have more intelligence than birds, Muhammad Ali replied, “they have the intelligence to want to stay together and we should have more intelligence than them. They’re all birds but they’ve got different cultures. I’d rather be with my own and have a beautiful daughter, a beautiful wife that looks like me and we’re all happy and I don’t have to worry about any trouble resulting from an interracial marriage. Every intelligent person should want their child to look like them. I’m sad because I want to blot out my race and lose my beautiful identity? No! Chinese love Chinese. Pakistanis love their culture. Jewish people love their culture. A lot of Catholics want to marry another Catholic. They want the religion to stay the same. Who would want to spot up yourself and kill your race? You’re a hater of your people if you don’t want to stay true to who you are. You’re ashamed of what ‘god’ made you? ‘God’ didn’t make no mistake. No woman can talk to me, cook for me and please me like a Black American woman, no woman! And the last is a ‘white’ woman that can identify with my feelings and with the way I talk. And you can’t take no Chinese man and give him a Puerto Rican woman and holler about we in love, emotionally and physically when really they’re not happy because she’s going to hear some Puerto Rican music, he’s going to hear some Chinese music and they’re going to be clashing all the time. It’s just nature. You can do what you want, but it’s nature to want to be with your own. I want to be with my own.”-Muhammad Ali excerpt from an interview with the BBC November 1971.

I could not agree more with you Muhammad Ali as no one but my own would get me. And I certainly cannot get with those who have oppressed people who look like me every single chance they get and I am to expect to receive love from them? Get real! Those of you who go in for interracial marriage are making the mistake of your lives. You are not adding to your culture. You are destroying it and that is why this interracial mess is touted at every opportunity. If they cannot wipe us out of existence one way, they’ll damn sure as hell try another. And you are helping them along with this. You are a traitor to your people and no sista or brotha of mine, believe that! I denounce that stupid mess and you!

Muhammad Ali did not say things to make people feel good and to be politically correct. He spoke from his own perspective and from his own life experiences. When after having won the Gold at the Olympics, he came back to AmeriKKKa, thought that he would be welcomed in restaurants that he had previously been denied entrance, only to find out that that gold that he won ‘for’ AmeriKKKa, meant nothing because even gold could not compete against the color of his skin. He put his suit on and went to a restaurant, sat down and the waitress came over and said, “We don’t serve Negroes in here!” Ali responded, “I don’t eat them either. Bring me some coffee and a hotdog!” They put him out. And people have the nerve to take exception to his comments about integration and interracial marriage? You have got to be kidding.

Unfortunately for me, I did not know any of this until I read up on Muhammad Ali after reading about his death. I watched videos of interviews given by him and he mirrors my thoughts exactly on so many issues, it is unreal. He even made the point of why is everything connected with ‘good’,’white’. Everything, he said, that is associated with purity is white; “why is the ‘Lord’s’ supper ALL white men? Angels are ‘white’ the Pope’ , Santa Claus, GEEZUS, Snow White, Mary had a little lamb and its feet were ‘white as snow'” and so forth and so on. He said that he asked his mama would he get to go to heaven and his mama said yes and he responded, “but where are all the Black angels? If the ‘white’ folks are up in heaven, then the Black angels are in the kitchen preparing the ‘milk and honey'” He said, “Tarzan is the king of the jungle in Africa and he was always ‘white’ and yet Tarzan was talking to the animals and the Black people had been there for centuries and couldn’t talk with the animals. Also everything was white, White Rain shampoo, White Cloud toilet paper, an ‘angel’ food cake is white but the ‘devil’s food cake was the ‘chocolate’ cake and the president lives in the ‘White House’ but everything that was bad was associated with Black; the little ugly duckling was a ‘black’ duckling, and the ‘Black’ cat was the bad luck and if I threatened you, I’m going to ‘Blackmale’ you, and he said, “mama, why don’t they call it ‘whitemale’, they lie too?”

And we have the audacity to take up what Caucasians put down and run with it. How the hell can you expect shits that view you as evil to have anything ‘good’ attached to their ass? They cannot and they do not! You worship the same false idols as they do. Your ‘god’ is also blond-haired and blue-eyed.  Their ‘god’ is just as fictitious as the saying, “A ‘white’ man is a ‘good’ man.”You will live beside the Caucasians in mansions in the sky when they don’t even want you to live beside them on this god forsaken planet?! What the hell is wrong with you? You have your children paying homage to another fat white fictitious bastard in a red suit and he is the one who is bringing YOUR children, their toys? Are you serious? As hard as you work and for less pay than they receive?! And then I have the nerve to wonder why the Negro race in AmeriKKKa is in such trouble. With the shit that you take up and run with, it is no wonder! People like Muhammad Ali tried to school you fools on exactly how it is and still you wouldn’t listen and to this very day, you don’t listen. But will wonder instead, why you’re fucked up! Keep wondering because your willful ignorance will lead to your demise which is what the Caucasian is after any way, but you’re hell bent on helping his cause along, aren’t you? Indeed, you dumbasses are! Our demise benefits the Caucasian in every way because our blood is stronger than his. You can’t figure out that this is why he wants it weakened? And the reasons for all the experimentation on you that goes even further back than the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment. You can’t figure out why the Caucasian invented AIDS? You have no clue, do you? Again, it is because OUR blood is stronger than his. And he cannot have that! Why do you think Bill Gates’ ass is funding experiments in Africa? It ain’t for the good of the Africans and that is for damn sure. Why do you think the Red Cross is so prominent in Africa? They are not there to help! Why do you think AmeriKKKa has sent the U.S. military to Africa? Again, it ain’t to help, that’s for damn sure! Yeah! Keep on sitting back and taking this shit up the ass and you will find your ass handed to you!

Now, some of you may think that what Muhammad Ali said was quite funny, but it is SO not because what Muhammad Ali said is quite true and it still rings true today. Don’t think so? Just take a look around. Negro people are still perceived as the ‘bad element’ when in reality we ALL know that the very last thing the Caucasian is synonymous with is ‘good’. Ain’t a damn thing ‘good’ about you and that is a fact and Muhammad Ali knew this and made no bones about his knowledge of that fact.

Muhammad Ali, I wish you “bon voyage”! Be at rest and at peace for you have earned it and thank you for speaking these truths and likewise, they are just as relevant today as they were decades ago when you spoke them! More’s the goddamn pity!

Get Up Girl And Live Life To Its Fullest!

Where is the adventuress that has always been me?
How can I get her back and when did she flee?

Who is this person who sits alone in the dark?
Why is she so angry and what lit the spark?

Has she let the horrors of this world get to her?
What does she have to fear from a racial slur?

Tell her you love her no matter what.
Make her understand, she’s got to go with her gut.

Don’t let her listen to the doubts in her mind.
Let her know that she’s got more heart than most of mankind.

Get up girl and live life to its fullest.
Pack a bag and become life’s tourist.

Journey far and never settle for less.
Don’t put up with people and don’t accept their mess.

You’re not stupid and you’re damn sure not brain dead.
So, go where you want to go and not where others have tread.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland

I wrote this about me because lately, I have been down in the dumps because there is so much that I want to do and yet, I am hindered by my sense of responsibility. I am hindered by my sense of duty and obligation. I am supposed to be enjoying myself in my lean-to on a deserted island and yet, I am getting cussed out daily by my cousin because the mental health care profession filled him full of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and when the medications started killing him, he got off them and now his brain is fried. He lost 154lbs. He is no longer diabetic  or obese. He no longer has a cholesterol or triglycerides problem. His pancreas is back to normal. His heart condition is gone and yet, he will never be ‘all there’ mentally. Yes indeed, I have so many reasons to ‘thank’ the ‘health care’ profession in AmeriKKKa, it is unreal! Heavy on the sarcasm!

And now, I have got to cut this short because I just got a call from him, stating that he has run out of money and is stranded and I must come and pick him up. Since I have his POA(Power of Attorney), health care directive and Living Will, I am responsible for every aspect of his life and there is no one else who will step up to the plate. His immediate family gave up on him decades ago and he has followed me everywhere I go. That is why when I mention that I am dining out with my cousin, who else can I dine with because I am constantly getting him out of trouble and so, there goes any social life for me? And when we are out dining, I am usually embarrassed because he just gets to cussing and carrying on at me for no reason. Waiters and other diners stare at us. The last time we were at Fogo de Chao, he sat and sat and sat until even the gracious waiters were looking pointedly at us. When I mentioned this to him, did the high ceilings in Fogo de Chao, vibrate? Indeed they did!

I feel like a person who has been given a life sentence. Goddamn! I want to break free of this jail sentence! You don’t have to actually be locked up behind bars to be imprisoned, believe me, I know!

Just as I was about to conclude this, I re-read the poem and I called my cousin back and I told him, “Get ta steppin! You’ve got a long walk but since you’re no longer overweight, you can do it!”

Ladies, and I am speaking solely to the ladies here, you don’t need a man to complete you and let me tell you something else, every single man that has ever been in my life has done me more harm than good. I can honestly say that when I am doing things all by myself, I do them better and I am always at my best. I have been married and it was the biggest mistake of my life. A husband did nothing but put me through hell, just as my cousin is doing. It is high time that we let these men who say they are “men” be men and take care of themselves. If we don’t look out for ourselves, they won’t. The ‘men’ who have been in my life, certainly did not look out for me.

And so, next month, since I’ve got some shopping and some packing to do, I am going on a journey to find ‘the adventuress’ that used to be ME, again. I am going to understand that I was not put on this earth to be caretaker to every lost soul on it, to the detriment of my own. Sometimes, you have got to be more ‘self-loving, than self-less.

Ladies, take care of you because I am starting right now!

What The Hell??!!!!

 

Black folks, I am going to have to get ugly all up in here! What the hell??!!!

“Pregnant woman executed by her gangland boyfriend for refusing to get an abortion!”

According to the article, Candace Pickens loved being a mother to her three-year old son Zachaeus and she was looking forward to becoming a mother for the second time. Unfortunately, her choice of a partner was her undoing. For the father of her child, she chose a ‘man’ who had a criminal record for domestic violence against another woman who also had a baby by him, not only that but he also had an attempted robbery conviction and in addition to that, it has also been suggested that he was affiliated with a gang.

Now, I could shake my head over Ms. Pickens choice over who she chose to date and have a baby with, but seeing as how the father of her unborn and now dead child, has been charged with their murder, that would be extremely insensitive of me and so I shall just concentrate on the choices we women make when attempting to enter into relationships with men who are absolutely wrong for us in every possible way. It is not only the fact that we know these men are wrong, it would seem that many of us are still into the “I want the bad boy type and yes I know what he did to his other baby mama but he would not do that to me because I am different. I am special.”

Uh, no you’re not! You are just a piece of ass to this type and they will use you and go on to the next, depositing who knows what inside you while impregnating you. And these days, with the explosion of all sorts of STDs that you cannot get rid of, not to mention that Black women in Ms. Pickens age group, statistically speaking, are the new face of AIDS, why are they not better protecting themselves? With information right at our fingertips stating the obvious, we still don’t pay attention and decide that “it’s never going to happen to me. I am the exception and not the rule.”

Newsflash, no matter how special you think you are, to these men, you are not the exception because unfortunately, many Black women have decided that they value themselves so little that they will lie down with a detestable piece of garbage who would shoot his own mama if she crossed him. This misogynistic piece of shit deserves no mercy. Even I would throw the book at his Black ass and never  would he see the light of day!

Somewhere along the way, we have failed our daughters and we have failed in producing sons who respect and revere the Black woman. We have failed our daughters in the sense that they don’t even care what they lie down with. They care so little for the health and safety of their bodies that they become a trash receptacle. And Black men, and I use the term loosely, because a ‘MAN’ would never do this to a woman, have veered so far out into left field that many are just too far gone to reach. I look at many Black men today and I just shake my head, AGAIN because I say to myself, “No way! No goddamn way!” If I was that oversexed, I’d head to Dildo Land before I’d take that mess ‘head’ on.The snake that executed this woman also shot her son in the head and left them both for dead. I just cannot imagine that kind of evil. I just cannot.

We are truly lost!

I go on and on about how Black people are the target for racist KKKops, have been disenfranchised, are victims of gentrification, a school-to-prison pipeline, mass incarceration, mass unemployment, homelessness and a litany of other ails and then this comes along and speaks a different language to me. It speaks to me of a weakness that is a growing disease among Black people that cannot be cut out. This is not the first time that this has happened and it will not be the last, unfortunately.

But I am not going to let the shit that Black folks do to each other, slide. When I see shit, I am calling it that and this shit makes no goddamn sense at all. A child who just celebrated his third birthday is in the hospital with his eye shot out by a piece of filth that also killed his mother and what would have been his sibling just because he wanted her to abort his baby.

Excuse me, but he didn’t know how to use a condom? He’d never heard of them? And apparently, dead Ms. Pickens had never heard of them either even though, the article goes on to state that she was attending community college and ultimately wanted to be a nurse.

Now, I could go on and on about how Ms. Pickens failed to get her education first before deciding to have children. I could go on and on about her choices over who she decided to have children with. I could go on and on about saving herself for marriage with the ‘right’ man; a man who will love and cherish her and provide for her, not by engaging in criminal acts but by the sweat of his brow. But what would be the point in that? It obviously falls on deaf ears and blind eyes.

And I know this to be true because Friday, my cousin treated me to lunch at Fogo de Chao and since it was prom night, no parking was available downtown and I had to park the car and take the bus downtown. Lawd have mercy, please! Some Black girl was at the back of the bus, on the phone, just a carrying on. I had to listen to,

“I told that nigga that his bitch called me and I don’t know how she got my number and she contacted me on Facebook and his other baby mama started up some drama with me on Facebook and I told her, bitch, you ain’t getting fucked by him, I am. That nigga know who he come home to at night and why you got a picture of my dog on your Facebook page?”

On and on, it went. I was SO goddamn embarrassed to be Black, it was unreal. From now on, if I must head downtown, I am going to first check and make sure that there is plenty of parking available and no Twins games, etc., because I refuse to subject myself to that shitload of ignorance. I wanted to go to the back of the bus and shoot her in her mouth. The least thing I should have done was pepper sprayed her ass and then stunned her. I probably would have received a standing ovation.

Now I see why what happened to Ms. Pickens is going to continue. Young Black girls of today have no respect for themselves or for the children they have with these punks who lie down with them, deposit their seed and then it is on to the next. And we wonder why the younger generation is so fucked up. I don’t. Twenty-five minutes on a bus told the story.

And now, a young woman who had her life ahead of her, lies dead and her young son is in a hospital, fighting for his life. Her unborn child is dead and the father of her unborn child is charged with their murder. Who do we blame for this?

I Want A White Lover!

I want a white lover
so we can mix our blood
and destroy my people
like Noah’s flood.

I want a white lover.
I don’t care about me
or the fact that our children
won’t know their history.

I want a white lover
in my bed tonight.
I’m hungry for his love
and it feels so right.

I want a white lover;
a Black man won’t do.
I need a white man
to prove my worth; my value.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland

Now, I believe that my readers are smart enough to read between the lines and to know the true meaning of this poem. This poem was written because as I stated earlier in another poem of mine, I have been sitting back quietly watching the shit hit the fan. I noticed how all hell broke loose when Beyoncé Knowles put on a Super Bowl Half-time show that depicted certain images that stand for Black power, The Black Panthers and Black Lives Matter and that white folks by the scores took offense. To those who took offense, fuck you! And to the Black motherfuckers that are looking in the face of your white mate and the children you produced with him/her, fuck you too.

I will admit that I went out on a date with a ‘white’ man and it was the mistake of my life and that shit will never happen again. Much more to the point is that I could never lie down with a white man and produce a half and half. Not going to happen. I refuse to contribute to the dilution of the Afrikan blood that is running through my veins. The white motherfuckers are hell bent on getting that done. It is shoved down our throats, daily; in print, on the big screen and on the little screen. This is exactly why I refuse to purchase a TV. I will not have that constant ‘in our face’ shit that whites who control the media feed us. I will not be subliminally messaged that interracial dating and marriage is ‘hip’; a la mode.

The main focus seems to be to pair Black women with white men and yet in the not so distant past, Black men were lynched for merely looking at a white woman. But no Black man had better lynch a white man for looking at a Black woman and quite frankly, it does not seem that Black women are having a problem with white men not just looking at them, but also fucking them eight ways to Sunday. The same can be said for the white women that lust all up and down on some Black men. So, what is this? Payback for the fact that the white shits that control the media can’t stop white women from lusting after and craving Black men and so they now focus on Black women lusting after white men? Those see-through skinned shits are the devil’s own spawn and the reason why Black women, children and men are shot dead, daily on the mean streets of every shitty city in this shithole called, AmeriKKKa! I will not condone the destruction of the Negro race by dead white filth.

So, come on up in here with some shit and I promise to wipe the cyber floor with your ass! I fucking dare you to post some shit about let’s all come together and sing, “Kumbaya!” The white motherfuckers have stole everything from us and to continue to get this done is to mix our blood with theirs, thereby diluting us out of history. We are not even in the goddamn history books, as it is. Or if so, by way of lies, lies and damn lies of Black people having immigrated to AmeriKKKa to work good paying jobs alongside the Irish and other immigrants or the lie that happy slaves baked birthday cakes for presidents. The lies just never stop and the genocide of the Black populace never stops.

You say, you should be able to love who you want. Okay, that’s fair. But answer this. What thing can love? Because only a thing could continuously commit genocide against humans; Indians and Negros. And so, that thing, Black folks, that you think loves you, cannot. How many white children have been poisoned like the Black children in Flint, MI were poisoned? How many whites live on Reservations? How many white KKKops have filled Black bodies with hundreds of bullets? The numbers are astounding. How many racist white judges have sentenced innocent Black people to death row? The numbers are astounding. How many racist white women have screamed “Rape” when caught with a Black man and got out of any ‘trouble’ by doing so and an innocent Black man was lynched or imprisoned? That shit can’t love you because it’s not human! But you’ll have to wait until it calls you or your children “Nigger!” before you figure it out! Hope that its not holding an assault weapon when it does! You’ll certainly know your worth; your value, then! You can’t marry your way into ‘white privilege’, you’ve got to be born with ‘white privilege’ and Black-assed as you are, you’ll never qualify!

What Happened To Us Along The Way?

Somewhere along the way we got lost.
We strayed from the path of our forefathers.
And as women, we seem to be no longer aware
that we owe a legacy of love to our daughters.

We never flinched when our sisters were called ‘Hos’.
And we never thought anything of this disrespect.
Our men were not taken to task for their misogyny.
Now, of their daughters, we see only the neglect.

What happened to us along the way?
When did we become so jaded and so lost?
And have we ever stopped to wonder why?
Why we are now being made to pay the cost?

You live in a world of people who hate your guts.
And you give to them the respect you deny your mother.
Never do you stop to think that if the tables were turned,
would a white man ever stand up and be counted as your brother?

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland

This one speaks to all Black people because we have seriously lost our way when we as Black  women, answer to being called a “Ho!” And Black men, you should be ashamed of yourselves in calling Black women, ‘Hos’.  These women gave birth to you and the least you could do is show them the respect they deserve and what about your sons and your daughters? How are you setting an example for your sons when they hear you disrespect their mother and by doing so, you also disrespect your own daughter because if you can call the mother of your children out of their name, then you won’t mind when someone else does likewise to your own daughter. These issues need to be addressed because we need some unity in the Black community especially with all that is going down every single day. If we cannot depend on each other, who can we depend on?

We’d best wake the hell up because at the end of the day, who the hell else is caring about the Black family?

Communing With Nature!

 

When I am communing with nature, I can forget all of the horrors of this world and concentrate solely on breathing and enjoying the crisp Autumn air. I can enjoy all that nature has to offer. I unplug myself from the reality of wars, drones, hunger, strife, torture, refugees, war crimes, lies, hypocrisy, corrupt politicians, prison, police brutality and the list is endless. I am so tired of getting caught up in the woes of the world. I am so tired of pretending that words that are typed over and over again, will somehow stop drones, feed the hungry, house the homeless refugees and stop police brutality. I have put down my protest sign. I have thrown away all of my pens and poetry will never again flow.

If anyone has been curious about where Shelby Courtland has been, just glance at the picture, in it is where I will be.

Good luck to you all!

P.S. It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t leave you with a lasting reminder!

Fuck This Shit!!!!

Now, have a happy fucking life!