Through Red And Angry Eyes!

 

When I first started blogging,
I was gentle as a lamb.
But today, my rants and ravings
couldn’t compete in a poetry slam.

Oh I come out smoking hot,
full of rage and indignation
at a society of clueless cretins
who compound my own frustration.

When I said my pen was drained,
just a few short years ago,
I should have thrown in the towel,
but what kept me going was my ego.

I was such an attention seeker
who was so pleased with what I wrote,
I quite forgot to temper my anger
and on my own bile, I almost choke.

I’ve written many a poem
and what I once thought of as prose,
but now I foam at the mouth
and no poem, can I compose.

Through red and angry eyes,
I view the world with a vengeful gaze.
I no longer believe in humanity
or think there is hope for better days.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2018 Shelby I. Courtland

I remember when I first started blogging, I was inspired and had not yet been tainted by all of the things that have now made me rage and lash out at the world. I am filled with such a white hot blazing anger that some times, I quite fear that I shall go mad. I used to pen poems about the homeless and oh how sincere I was. That is why I titled this blog, “Bringing Social Issues To The Forefront,” because I wanted to highlight the societal ills that affected so many people. I wanted to try and shed a spotlight on those who are forgotten, overlooked and ignored. I wanted to shed a light on human suffering, but by doing so, I suffered for it. Those of us who are truly caring, apparently, can only take but so much before it starts tearing away at our very soul. I am becoming something I once abhorred; a cold, callous, hateful and vengeful person who has lost her way.

I cannot find in me the poetry that once used to flow so freely from my mind to my fingers. And that is why I don’t post poems anymore. I just don’t have them in me; not the ones that I look back on and read and I can tell that I put deep feeling into them; they are me. What I write now is what I have turned into.

There have been so many people that I have fallen out with who I used to hold in high esteem, but because of what I allowed in, I’ve cussed people out, called them out and have hurt people and that was never who I was, but that is who I am now. We are letting the evil that is in the very air we breathe into our bodies and that evil is building in strength and we are hating each other because we have allowed others to feed us their hate, their callousness, their disregard for human life, their greed, their selfishness and their depravity and we have, some of us that is, swallowed it down and brought it back up. We are consumed with hatred for each other like I’ve never seen before and I am quite guilty of this. Most days I am livid from the time I wake up until the time I close my eyes in sleep and I carry this around with me every single day. I do not like what I have become and if I continue to feed the flames of hatefulness that has consumed so many, I can no longer take the high road. I must admit that I am just like them.

And lastly, I did not even heed the words of my own poem, “Yield Not To Temptation!”

They Can Kill Us, But Don’t Burn The Town!

burning

Let it simmer and let it smolder.
What do we do when it all boils over?
Don’t make it burn, just go sit down.
They can kill us, but don’t burn the town.

Display your anger, respectfully.
Remember to protest, peacefully.
There’s a time and a place for everything.
The white man wants us to march and sing.

That puppet in the White House is an Uncle Tom.
He wants peace from us and yet, he orders a bomb.
He’s got the Zionists fist shoved so far up his ass,
when he farts, Netanyahu can smell his gas.
If his girls were murdered, would peace still reign?
What do you think? Is a white man sane?

They play games with us because they can.
There are some who say that this is all a plan.
So, if indeed it’s true that we are mere pawns,
over our genocide, whites can’t hide their yawns.

They can only claim ignorance for just so long.
Then they have to realize what’s right and what’s wrong.
To keep blaming what they do on shadows in the night,
is to absolve them for not doing what is right.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

I have had about all I can stand from people stating that the protestors should have used more restraint. When are the cops going to act with restraint and stop killing Black people? When is enough, enough? When we’re all dead? I don’t give a goddamn about a fucking business. I don’t care if its Pizza Hut, Kamikaze Nail Salon, Frank’s Toupees or a goddamn grocery store. None of that shit matters because the only reasoning behind protecting those businesses is to keep CAPITALISM up and running. Gotta have those stores open for Black Friday specials. Fuck that an unarmed Black teenager is dead; killed by a racist cop. It’s ALL about priorities. To hell with that shit! Stores are insured and can be rebuilt, a life taken, cannot! Michael Brown is dead and buried. Insurance can’t bring him back to life.

When Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and all the others that peacefully marched and protested did everything ‘right’, what did it get them? Eh? High powered water hoses, dogs, jail, beatings and who did that? Whites did! But now, Black people are demonized because of some burnt out stores??!!!! Demonization of that shit should have started long ago, when whites were tearing unholy hell out of Black peaceful protestors. But now, let’s get all put out over some burned buildings because after all, the dead teenager was just Black!

Michael Lies Dead!

Michael Brown

A heart was beating,
blood coursed through veins
Bullets pierced skin
and now chaos reigns.

Hands raised skyward.
Michael lies dead.
In Ferguson Missouri,
his blood flowed red.

Burn and loot,
tear it all down!
Display your anger,
destroy the town.

His mother cries,
and his father too.
He was their child.
Retribution is due!

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

I don’t give a damn who will condemn those who burn shit and fuck it up! It is past time that people stopped being polite about murder. Since violence begets violence, what the hell did people expect? I’m not going to continue to meet murder, tear gas and rubber bullets with my hands raised, I’d eventually realize that it is time that I do some fucking up! No, it’s not going to bring Michael Brown back and nor will it bring back all the others who were murdered just as he was, but at the same time, where has peaceful gotten us? Just ask the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., about that. Oh! Right, we can’t! He was murdered but not before he was spied on by his own government. But actually, he had no government because if he did, he would not have had to get jailed, get hosed down with high powered water hoses and get dogs let loose on him for trying to obtain the same rights as whites had just for being fucking white assed! He and many, many others peacefully marched and protested to end racial segregation and discrimination against Black Americans and enforce constitutional voting rights to them.

…and the Supreme Court just recently gutted the hell out of the Voting Rights Act of 1965. So, what did doing it the ‘peaceful’ way get us? Not a goddamn thing! Black people built this shithole and we damn sure as hell shouldn’t have a problem burning it down. To hell with this shithole!

Heads Up! I Am About To Go The Fuck Off! If You Have Delicate Sensibilities, Stop Reading!

63513953-50ee-4973-b7e5-15ba0835f8d3-460x276

On my most recent post, I mentioned this topic, but I did not delve into it. But I read something that consumed me with hate and rage!!

“Welcome to Detroit’s water war – in which upward of 150,000 customers, late on bills that have increased 119 percent in the last decade, are now threatened with shut-offs. Local activists estimate this could impact nearly half of Detroit’s mostly poor and black population – between 200,000 and 300,000 people.’

The situation in Detroit has gotten so bad that the United Nations was called to step in. This is not just a human rights issue, this is about racism and crimes against humanity, crimes against a certain ethnic group and since that is the case, where is the goddamn Federal Government in all of this? Why hasn’t Obama stepped in and laid down the goddamn law? Why hasn’t something been done to nip this shit in the bud? Why is this being allowed to happen? Because the majority of Detroit’s citizens are Black and therefore are of no account. Can I get anymore blunt than that? Hell yeah! And I intend to. Now fucking read this shit!

“The official rationale for the water shut-downs – the Detroit Water Department’s need to recoup millions – collapses on inspection. Detroit’s high-end golf club, the Red Wing’s hockey arena, the Ford football stadium, and more than half of the city’s commercial and industrial users are also owing – a sum totalling $30 million. But no contractors have showed up on their doorstep.”

I fucking wonder why! Like hell I do, they’re not some poor Black person who has lost their job and therefore, their ability to pay their goddamn water bill. What poor Black person is a member of Detroit’s high-end golf club? And how in the world does a high-end golf club owe on a water bill in the first goddamn place? Oh, that’s right! Because it can, being high-end and all! And isn’t that just something? The hockey arena owes, the football stadium owes and more commercial and industrial water users owe and ain’t a goddamn city official standing in the doorway demanding immediate payment and if not receiving it, shutting the fucking water off. But if you’re Black, there are no exceptions, no delays, no consideration for your children, your fucking water’s getting shut off.

Water is a necessity of life. We ALL need water to survive. Black people survive off of the same things that white people do. We are not sub-human. We are not three-fifths of a person. We are 100% goddamn human and yet, we are treated like we are America’s mortal enemy. I am fucking sick and goddamn tired of it! I cannot imagine what it must be like to be a child in Detroit right now. I cannot imagine what a little Black child must feel after reading about the fact that Black people all across Detroit are getting their water shut-off and yet fancy, smancy clubs, arenas and stadiums that owe on water bills still have running water. What does that say to that poor child? It says to them that you are of not account. You are a thing. You’re of no consequence. It destroys their sense of self worth. It destroys their innocence. It takes something from them that they may never be able to get back; dignity, strength, resilience, hope. And as if this is not bad enough. Keep reading!

“There is one other way the situation in Detroit would never have come to pass: if this was a city predominantly of white people instead of black. Too much of America views Detroit like the policemen viewed Charity – as deviant, inferior and beyond repair. This racism has meant decades of block-busting, red-lining, police brutality and the legislative punishment of the city. And it has done something more insidious: it has written off the people of Detroit.”

“The attitude was expressed in a recent statement of L Brooks Patterson, the elected executive of the mostly white Detroit suburb of Oakland: “I made a prediction a long time ago, and it’s come to pass. I said, ‘What we’re going to do is turn Detroit into an Indian reservation, where we herd all the Indians into the city, build a fence around it, and then throw in the blankets and corn.'”

Of course the blankets would be infected with something much like the smallpox blankets and the corn would be poisonous and addictive like crack. No doubt about that shit! And then people have the nerve to wonder how hate is propagated. Just read the above two paragraphs and that about sums it up. What you see here is why what is happening in Detroit is going to spread. It will spread to your white bread world and I for one, cannot wait. I cannot wait for the shit to hit the fan in a suburb near you. In fact, I cannot wait until the shit storm that is due hits you. I hope that you will know worse than what those poor little Black children in Detroit know. I hope that when the shit hits you, it never lets up. I hope that for those of you who believe in god and if you call on him that he turns his back and spits. I hope that you only know trouble, strife, hunger, pain, heartache and that the evil that is what holds you together will soon collapse your ass and I mean every goddamn word that I have typed. No more Miss Fucking Nice! Every goddamn so-called Black city in America is being gutted, torn to pieces, pissed on, put on lockdown, gentrified, sold to the highest bidder. And the comments from the whites on social media about those cities are on par with what is being done to them. I fucking hope like hell that all you nasty ass white motherfuckers end up in some form of hell. It would still be too good for the likes of you! And don’t fucking ‘like’ this! This ain’t about getting ‘likes’. These are MY people who are getting shitted on, left and right. It ain’t about you, white motherfuckers! It’s about what you’re doing to MY people. And don’t come all up in here talking some shit about what you understand. You don’t understand a goddamn thing, white motherfuckers ’cause you ain’t Black! It is war! Ain’t no goddamn peace!!!!

http://www.theguardian.com/environment/true-north/2014/jun/25/detroits-water-war-a-tap-shut-off-that-could-impact-300000-people

Oh, you poor Black Child In Detroit!

Oh, you poor Black child in Detroit,
your mama must so be distraught.
The water that you need to survive
and to keep you hydrated and alive
in the sweltering heat of the day
was shut off because your mama couldn’t pay.

Oh, you poor Black child in Detroit,
your mama must be overwrought.
You can’t brush your teeth and take a bath
because you can’t escape the white man’s wrath.
They can never take enough from you.
And at you, so much hate they will spew.

Oh, you poor Black child in Detroit,
you don’t know the battles that were fought
by the leaders of the Civil Rights Movement
and when I look around, there is no improvement
when your cries still fall on deaf ears
and now to wash, you must use your own tears.

Oh, you poor Black child in Detroit,
those who came before you were bought.
Sweet child, you’re not the one to blame.
They were stolen by those who had no shame.
Your eyes have been awakened now to hate
and I wish that I could say, “I can’t relate!”


Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

Rage!

bigstock-Homeless-man-sleeps-on-a-pavem-32824019

If you could only see
the hate and rage
hiding behind my eyes,
you’d run for your
very lives.

I am the homeless
and you made me.
You made me
with your contempt
and with your disdain
for those who struggle
and who are
here like me
out on the street.

You made me
hate you and
I will for all eternity.
Run, run for your
lives because the
day will come,
oh yes, the day
WILL come
as hidden
beneath these
rags lies
the rage, ready
to be let loose
on mankind.

The day of
reckoning
WILL come!
Wait for it,
oh yes, wait
for it!

For you are
just as dead
as I am
and soon
you will
know it!

If you could only see
the hate and rage
hiding behind my eyes,
you’d run for your
very lives!

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

Note: Mac, this is for you and still I do not believe that I have quite captured the extent of your rage at America. Know this, I did try! As I am filled with rage too, more than you could possibly know! Stay strong my friend and if that rage will keep you alive, then here’s to rage!

Another Young Black Male Dead, Another Protest Rally to Attend

What: We Are Terrance Franklin Solidarity Rally/March When: Saturday, August 17th at 1:00p.m. Where: Downtown Minneapolis Hennepin County Government Center Why: Another ridiculous excuse for the killing of another young Black male by the police
What: We Are Terrance Franklin Solidarity Rally/March
When: Saturday, August 17th at 1:00p.m.
Where: Downtown Minneapolis Hennepin County Government Center
Why: Another ridiculous excuse for the killing of another young Black male by the police

On May 10th, Terrance Franklin was shot to death by Minneapolis police after allegedly fleeing from a traffic stop and breaking into a house to get away from the police. Somehow, in the ensuing melee, the police claim that Terrance Franklin grabbed an officer’s gun, fired two shots hitting two officers in the leg and all the while, a police dog was restraining him and even though he was surrounded by police, at the same time, Mr. Franklin was also being shot in the back of his head five times and twice in the back.

That just makes too much sense for me to even believe.

According to the family of the victim, the police did not let them view their son’s body, nor did they give them any answers as to what really occurred. The information that Terrance Franklin was shot five times in the head and twice in the back was leaked and no one from the police department claimed responsibility for the leaked information. Meanwhile, the attorney hired by the family to seek answers, was given a video recording of the events captured after the shooting in which it has been stated that racial slurs can be heard being uttered by the police officers surrounding the scene.

Again, we have another cover-up of excessive force by ‘the force’ against yet another young Black man. This is prevalent all across America. If you take a look at the law suits that have been settled, you will find the majority are the result of police brutality against young Black men. Below is one among thousands.

Fired Minneapolis cop, now with St. Paul, accused of excessive force again

A former Minneapolis police officer, the subject of a lawsuit in the 1990s that the city settled for $500,000, is now a St. Paul police sergeant and again accused of excessive force.

A 32-year-old man alleges in a federal lawsuit that he was left with a broken jaw and fractured vertebrae after an encounter with St. Paul officers Paul Cottingham and Craig Rhode.
source:http://www.twincities.com/ci_22784342/st-paul-police-sergeant-accused-excessive-force-fired

Here’s another one.

City to pay out $3 million for death in police misconduct lawsuit|MPLS.|StarTribune.com http://www.startribune.com/local/blogs/208860951.html

The Minneapolis City Council approved a $3.075 million settlement on Friday to resolve a federal lawsuit filed by the family of David Smith, a 28-year old Minneapolis man who was killed during a struggle with two police officers at a downtown Minneapolis YMCA in 2010.

The death of Smith raised questions about putting a suspect on his stomach, and holding him down by putting knees on his back, known as prone restraint. The Hennepin County Medical Examiner ruled the death a homicide.

We, the citizens of these cities, are paying the price of racism and police brutality that is rampant in police departments all across America because it is our tax dollars that are paying for the settlement of these cases. And yes, I do realize that it is not just young Black men who are victims of police brutality(see:https://shelbycourtland.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/americas-corrupt-and-brutal-police-force.com…) however, Black males are a ‘minority’ in America but they make up the ‘majority’ of victims of police brutality and murder by police and a majority in incarceration rates.

Finally, let me ask this question AGAIN!!!!! Why the hell are we here(in America)? So then I ask, just what the hell is YOUR problem with us????!!! How simple can I make this? Those of us who are descendants of African slaves did not come to America, willingly. We are here through NO fault of our own. Our historical past with this country is not OUR fault and I for one am sick and damn tired of people of my complexion getting the shit knocked out of us for having the audacity to be descended from people who were DRAGGED over here to become slaves!! So because of your racism and your vicious hate, another young Black man is dead and I am attending yet another protest rally. Goddamn it to hell!! Even if this young man was guilty of a traffic stop violation and he chose to run, getting shot by the police five times in the back of the head and twice in the back is not justified. It is extreme deadly force, to say the least. And again, there are no answers(no believable answers), there are only questions, remaining unanswered.

Taken from: “Oh Child of Mine”

Oh child of mine, what have they done?
My baby was killed, you murdered my son.

With a broken heart, I search for answers.
There are none, just lots of questions.

There is so much wrong every where and I cannot be every where at once to speak out, but I will be speaking out tomorrow in downtown Minneapolis. And here we go again!

In Loving Memory….

She was my baby sister and we buried her today.
I am at a loss for words, I don’t know what to say.
Strong cords of love for her still tug at my heart.
I thought I held her hand, but death pulled us apart.

She was so young and full of life, I can’t believe she’s gone.
I must face another day. No sun will greet the dawn.
A lovely smile she had, a laugh like tinkling bells.
When she would get to cooking, oh what luscious smells.

Her talents knew no end, the saxophone she’d play.
The sound is now an echo, the melody drifts away.
Oh God, I want her back. Please, just hear my plea!
Since I am the eldest, why did you not take me?

My mother’s spirits broken, she’s lost her baby girl.
Worth more than a jewel, more perfect than a pearl.
They say that it gets better as each new day goes by.
One day I will awaken and I shall cease to cry.

Vivid recollections of childhood memories.
We were always sisters and never enemies.
My eyes are filled with tears and words are left unsaid.
The future yawns before me, contemplated with such dread.

Written by,

Shelby I. Courtland

My sister was found dead in her apartment and we don’t know why or how she died. All I do know is that it seems as though a part of me is gone! Oh, the pain, the anger, the helplessness! And it always goes back to the WHY???!!!!!

Struck A Nerve, Did I?

For the first time since starting this blog, I received..let’s see..what shall I call it..’nasty mail’. Apparently, some took exception to the post “The Boston Marathon Bombing Suspects’Downgraded from Black to White or would that be Upgraded?'”

Now, I shall take a moment to explain something, not that I have to but I want to. As anyone can see from my picture, I am a person with a ‘permanent tan’ and I have had more hate aimed at me, more nastiness aimed at me, than I can shake a stick at. It comes with the territory. Is it fair? Is it right? Is it justified? No! But that hasn’t stopped those who have a problem with my complexion or that I have the nerve to have an opinion, back it up with facts and post it for all and sundry to see, from renaming me, so to speak. As much as I am sensitive to the plight of others, I have a ‘teflon coating’. Calling me the ‘N’ word, doesn’t set my blood to boil, it means that I have ‘struck a nerve’, exposed YOUR ‘achilles heel’. Trust me, it’s good for you! Get all of that pent up hate and anger at me out of your system because it does not bode well for your blood pressure stats. Not to mention that it has done not one bit of good because I will not, nor shall I ‘back off’. I intend to continue to put the truth out there. I will not be intimidated by racial slurs. Obviously, since I am posting online, I expect the ignorant to pop in every now and then, if only to let me know that ignorance is still in abundance and happily eager to make me aware that ignorance is not going anywhere anytime soon. More’s the pity.

The really sad part is that when the words Black and White are thrown together, it causes rage, ignorance, insanity, intolerance and madness to rear up and distort the thinking of what should otherwise be considered, rational minds. In other words, we cannot have a discussion on race relations in this country when so many enter into the throes of an apoplectic attack whenever confronted with the truth as told by someone with a permanent tan. It does not matter what that truth is, especially if it debunks and sheds light on lies, stereotypes and misinformation about those in society who are viewed as ‘inferior’ by some. Be that as it may, I will shed even more light. No ethnic group is superior to another. You may believe that you are superior, but your belief is misguided. Here, let me sum it up for you with a repost:

A Reflection On My Complexion

I was born with a permanent tan.
And if I do the best I can,
I still get called a name.
Why must I take the blame?

I had no say when I was born.
So, I don’t understand your scorn.
Why hate me for my complexion?
This could have been your reflection.

I will not let you break me down,
solely because my skin is Brown.
Even if I’m solid Black,
there’s not one human trait I lack.

Throw caution to the wind.
Reach out, you’d find a friend.
I bleed the same as you.
And smile when you do too.

We’re all just one big race.
Trying hard to find our place.
In the grander scheme of things,
strive for love and what it brings.

Written by,

Shelby I. Courtland

Footnote:For many, this will fall on ‘eyes that will not see’, I cannot help that. All I can do is put it out there and never think for one nanosecond that I will not continue to do so…..au contraire!

Judge Not,The Pain Of Life

I used to look down on people who were addicted to crack or heroin. I remember someone telling me that if a person tried crack just once, they’d get hooked. I thought to myself, “well then, who the hell would try it?” Apparently a great many people. I always felt superior to the people who were addicted to crack, heroin or pain medication because I thought of myself as above all of that. I didn’t put myself in their shoes, try and understand what drove them to even ‘do’ those drugs and why others became addicted to pain medication. It soon dawned on me that they were living in despair, hopelessness, anger, pain, frustration, helplessness and the only way to cope was through mind altering drugs. What this says about the society that we have created is that we are forcing people into trying to escape reality by any means necessary. Their pain is so great, that some will sell their bodies to obtain a way out, if only for a little while. People who normally would have never committed a crime are now shoplifters, prostitutes who have rap sheets and who are most likely eaten up with STDs.

I’ll never forget, I was living in Baltimore, MD at the time and I was going through some rough spots myself. I had just left an abusive marriage with only the money in hand and the clothes on my back and had relocated myself to another state to get away from him. I had just found an apartment and recently got a job. I remember that my first electric bill was a turn-off notice. I was overwhelmed and in a big city. Now coming from a rural area, I was more green than spinach and I looked it and in many ways, I was. I was so broke, I had to walk to work in $2.00 tennis shoes. I had no coat, but luckily when it turned cold, I searched through closets and found a coat left by a previous tenant. A guy in the next building took pity on me and let me borrow a warmer coat and when I was walking to work one day, I started getting catcalls and guys were pulling up beside me and yelling out their telephone numbers. I just shook my head and said to myself, “girl, you’re in the big city now!” When I got to work, I turned around to take the coat off and the girls in the office burst out laughing. Okay, now I’m fed up. When they could take a breath, I was told to look at the back of my jacket. The jacket was from a ‘strip club’. Sigh!! This would happen to me! I had no choice, but to wear it back home and got pretty much the same thing. I’ll get to the point in a minute. When I got home, there was some ladies standing outside my apartment building. They were extremely nice. One of them came up to me and said, “here, honey…I want you to practice safe sex.” She handed me a handful of condoms. I thought to myself, “oh dear, she thinks that I’m a prostitute.” I was touched by her wanting to help me. I had never met a prostitute before. I thanked her for the condoms and explained to her that I was working an office job and that I wasn’t a prostitute. She told me that it didn’t matter, keep the condoms because I was sure to have a boyfriend and if he wouldn’t do the right thing, I’d have protection. Bless her heart!

The next time I was on my way to get some take-out, one of the ladies came up to me and asked me how I was doing. She looked as though I should be asking about her and I did the only thing I could think of to do. I asked her to walk with me down to the store and when I came out, I handed her some money and begged her to stay off the streets that night and to be safe. I didn’t know that I was inadvertently feeding her drug habit. I didn’t know that it mattered not what little I could give, she’d have to be out there. The horrors they must face. Their bodies, used and abused, their minds trying to escape the reality of what is happening to them. The need for more money, the pimp who takes his cut, the beatings they take. If I was a praying person, they would most definitely be in my prayers, but what would prayers do? What can I do? What difference in their lives can I make? I am just as helpless to do anything to relieve their plight as they are. I now realize that I have my own way of dealing with reality and no, it is not just writing about it. What would I do without that glass of wine with dinner? Without a flute of champagne to dull the suffering I see each and everyday. Just because what I indulge in is legal does not give me any moral high ground. I cannot judge anyone else for what they use to get through another day when I, myself have a wine cellar and make good damn use of it. What hypocritical thinking to believe that I’m better than a crack addicted person or one who is hooked on heroin or pain medication. I can be just as easily jailed if they decide to once again, make my ‘pain reliever’ an illegal substance. And so I ‘judge not, lest I be judged’!