Taye Diggs Is Now ‘Tanya Diggs’!

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Unfortunately, Stella, you cannot get your groove back AGAIN with Taye Diggs as the co-star because Taye Diggs is now playing a transgender role in the broadway show, Hedwig And The Angry Inch. And according to ‘Tanya Diggs’, he has ‘a flaming gay man’ inside of him.
The claim is that his son, by a white woman, is “cool with it,” even though he is only five years old. Quite frankly, I think that ‘Tanya Diggs’ five year old son is really cool with all the colors that have been painted on his daddy’s face. I mean, the only thing I can remember at age five was reciting the colors when my kindergarten teacher held them up. In a few years, I wonder will his son remember to be “cool with it” when he realizes that his daddy had his face painted and was tarted up to look like a really ugly woman…uh..I mean, transgender.

It would appear that every man is being bitten by the transgender bug and Hollywood is certainly hell bent on glorifying the truly ludicrous. Yes, I know, each to his or her or ITS own, however, I cannot help but wonder at the sudden explosion of LGBT in every direction from the Supreme Court to Broadway to the Espy Awards. It would also appear that roles for heterosexuals will soon be on the decline and quite obviously, by design. I suppose it is a good thing that I had no aspiration of becoming a star because if I did, I would have to play the role of a dyke in order to get a part.

We have certainly come so far from the days of watching movies in black and white when married couples slept in separate twin size beds and the love scene consisted of a quick peck on the cheek. Sigh! How I wish for days long gone! Oh, the Victorian in me recalls the quaintness of courting, waiting for marriage before engaging in sex and the refusal to expose our children to pageants and make-up and magazines that inspire them to emulate the obscene, the deviant and the perverted; not to mention, the look of starvation and the introduction to STDs and pregnancies as early as nine. But they tell me that this is progress. Well, I guess ‘they’ know better. However, when I look around, ‘they’ apparently, really don’t know what ‘progress’ really means. And again, someone once asked the question, “Does God owe Sodom and Gomorrah, an apology?” I would hazard a guess that ‘God’ does indeed, owe Sodom and Gomorrah, an apology because if this is considered ‘progress’, then I cannot see how we are all the better for it!

Rainbows, Once So Beautiful!

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Rainbows, once so beautiful
are now defiled by man.
When I look up at a rainbow
it is as beautiful as a rusted can.

If a man wants a dick all in his ass
then go at it tooth and nail
but did you have to defile such beauty
as you lick the ass of a male?

The dykes are on the loose
chasing rainbow-draped cunts.
With tongues drooling and panting
I don’t want to hear your grunts.

You tarnish the rainbow’s image
with your filthy, nasty ways.
I wish you’d all stayed in the closet,
all you vile and disgusting gays!

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

And for some strange reason, I had the devil of a time posting this. I fucking wonder why! If I had posted a poem screaming about my joy over same-sex marriage, this would be Freshly Pressed, but since I’m not, it was made extremely difficult for me to post this. But know this, I am stubborn as hell and have saved every goddamn thing that I have posted on this site and though I had to make four attempts to post this, I got it done, goddamn it!

I’m not the nasty motherfucker here! Those damn gays are. I fucking had a colonoscopy and was told that I would be asleep and yet, I screamed throughout the entire procedure. You gay motherfuckers wouldn’t have had THAT problem because you’re SO goddamn used to shit shoved up your ass. By the time you filthy ass skanks need a colonoscopy, all the doctor need do is attach a flashlight to his head and stick his whole goddamn head in your wide open ass hole that’s already heavily lubed. Hell! Jiffy Lube’s got nothing on you motherfuckers! The colonoscopy would be finished in two seconds flat because the doc could see from your asshole all the way to your molars because you’d be screaming with PLEASURE, you nasty ass fuckers!

They Hate Your Fucking Guts!

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Black men, you’re wrong no matter what you do!
They can’t leave you the fuck alone, you’re shot for being you!
You know it’s your fault right?, because your Blackness is a crime.
And for that if they don’t kill you, you’re off to do some time.

They hate your fucking guts and they want your women too.
If they can turn the Black man gay, then what’s he gonna screw?
While the white man fucks a sister, he laughs behind your back
at all the ways that he’s devised and strategized his attack.

You’re demonized and humiliated in front of one and all
when they yank your sagging pants down in the middle of the mall.
They’re out to emasculate you and bring you to your knees.
They want you begging for your life while you’re screaming, “pretty please!”

What difference does it make if your pants are on a sag?
The whites don’t want to hire you to put their groceries in a bag.
They complain about the shootings and poverty in the hood
and when another Black man’s killed they say, “It’s for his own good!”

Oh, you pretentious hypocrites with your stats and graphs and charts
it don’t matter what you say when a Black man’s stopped before he starts.
If they’re shooting one another, the fucking gangs are so damn bad
but when the cops kill just for fun, that shit is just a fad.


Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

The Church of the ‘Holy Rollers’:Sunday Sermon

Reverend Give Me All You Got's Palace of Worship

“First of all, I would like to welcome everyone this fine Sunday morning and to thank you for ‘coming out’. Wait a minute, hold up! Gay people, I was not talking to you! We don’t want YOUR kind ‘coming out’ ‘going in’ or anything else! Here at the Church of the Holy Rollers, we don’t put up with that kind of nonsense about how you are ‘born gay’. You’re not born gay, you’re just an abomination and now you are all up in our face with your ‘gayness’! Well…we won’t stand for it! Hell no! Hallelujah! Can I get an ‘AMEN’? Thank you my brothers and sisters, that’s telling them. Now then, to continue with the sermon. Recently, there has been some talk that some of you are not adhering to the ten commandments and I am going to set the record straight TODAY on just what the ten commandments are and what they mean and how you should act on them accordingly. Now, sit up and take notice. But first, ushers, pass the collection plate around for the 25th time and we should have enough to fund my new Hennessey Venom GT. And don’t even start questioning why I need a vehicle that costs over a million dollars because you know that I visit the sick, the shut-in and the needy and by driving this baby, travelling at 287mph, that would cut down on my travel time since there are so many people desperately in need of my preaching the word. Word up!! Now, back the to sermon.”

“As I was saying, the ten commandments are to be adhered to. Hold on. Ushers, I said, USHERS! Where is the collection plate for my new building fund? No not that one. The one for that new beachfront property that I had my eye on last week. Yeah, that one! Don’t even start questioning me about why I need beachfront property. Everyone in here knows how hard I work, I mean preach in this here holy sanctuary. We have Sunday service once a month and you know what a toll it takes on my strength and my endurance to stand here and preach the word to a flock of heathens who, without my guidance, will never see the inside of the ‘Pearly Gates’. Now then, where was I? Oh right…the ten commandments. Now, heathens, as you are all aware, we have been having some shenanigans going on in the basement of this here palace of worship! Don’t even think about denying it because I saw you on the secret camera that I had installed to make sure that the trustees aren’t stealing from the collection plate. Now, I don’t hold with no fornicating on church property. You all know my philosophy on that, I mean, what the Bible says on that. Amen! There is a facility located behind this palace for fornicators and it’s got a red door with a red light over the door and it says, ‘Red Light District!’ Now, then where was I? Oh right! Now the ten commandments…wait a minute, who is disrupting my Sunday sermon with that caterwauling? The Holy Ghost? Have you paid your tithes? No? Then get the hell out of here! We don’t sanction no deadbeats up in this here holy worshipping palace! We’ll tolerate no slackers in here!”

“Where was I? Oh yes, the ten commandments are about…. What? You forgot to collect for my Armani clothing fund? All right! Listen up! This here palace of worship’s sermon is being held up because of you fumbling degenerates who can’t even read the list of my needs and send the collection plate around accordingly. We are going to clear this up once and for all! Now take note! Secretary of the church? Damn! Where the hell are you? Leave Deacon Bradley’s ass alone will you? After you make a list of my needs, you and Deacon Bradley can go to the ‘Red Light District’.  However I must warn you that Deacon Bradley’s wife was seen entering the ‘Red Light District’ with Deacon Johnson and we all know Deacon Johnsons, nickname, ‘Long Dong Silver’, but I don’t think they’re coming out anytime soon so, after you take this list down, the two of you can go on over. Don’t forget to pay the entrance fee of $500.00. It’s for the upkeep, you know. We can’t have our fornicating exposed to the world now, can we? We are fine, upstanding church folk. Don’t forget to stop at our wine shop located next door to the ‘Red Light District’ as you’ll want to ‘wet your whistle’ while getting it up, I mean, getting it on!” Hallelujah!!! Now, take note! The collection plate is to be sent around ten MORE times because the Reverend, that’s me of course. Reverend ‘Give Me All You Got’ Courtland has some needs because preaching ain’t free!”

“Number 1. Building Fund. No, not for this here palace, for MY palace, you fool!”

“Number 2. Vehicle Fund. No, no, no, not the church bus fund, my private vehicle collection fund!”

“Number 3. Vacation Fund. Damn it to hell! No, not for a ‘Vacation Bible School fund’, MY vacation fund! Now you see why I need vacations all the damn time!”

“Number 4. Robes Fund. Choir robes? The hell you say! My robes! Did you hear me, MY ROBES!!!”

“Number 5. Clothing Fund. “What?” Hell no! We ain’t running no charity here! This here Clothing Fund is for my expensive, I mean needed apparel to wear to church underneath this here robe! You got that? All righty then!”

“Number 6. Food Fund: Feed the hungry? Feed the hungry? Who the hell is up in here hungry? Didn’t we just have ‘communion’ last month? Didn’t you drink grape juice, I mean ‘wine’ and eat that crust that Usher Fucked me so hard, I mean…Usher Fucmehard handed out?! That’s enough feeding the hungry!!! We are sitting all up in the richest country on the planet so don’t give me that bullshit about ‘what about the hungry’? We got no hungry folk here in America. I have not seen one hungry person on my way here this morning. If I did, I would have had the chauffeur stop my limo and hand them my gold-plated card. Wait, strike that! I would have given them the ‘other’ card and told them to walk on over, we’d feed them that leftover burnt crust that Sister Burnathat made when she was trying to bake bread for the communion. This fund is for MY groceries! Hallelujah!!!”

“Number 7.Credit Card Fund. Why do I need a credit card? Are you questioning me? The ‘Reverend’? Do you want me to come down off this pulpit and kick your ass? You know that I need credit cards to make my hotel reservations when I’m doing community outreach in the Virgin Islands and staying at the Ritz-Carlton ain’t cheap ya know!!! Not to mention that I’ve actually got to put myself out by flying first-class over there and that ain’t cheap! And don’t forget, I need a chauffer driven limo in order to get around. Not cheap!! The meals, come on  now, you know the score!”

“Number 8. Champagne Fund. What? For communion? Are you out of your damn mind? You got grape juice, I mean ‘wine’ last month. Didn’t I give a sermon last month on greed and how it destroys the soul? Didn’t you hear me? What’s that? In the basement? What was you doing in the basement? Never mind! Hold on a minute everyone, I got to rewind this here tape. I can’t believe that I missed something. Oh hell naw!!! What the hell were you doing humping my man? Damn it to hell! It’s on!!!!!”

“Let me catch my breath! Now congregation, you can see that it ain’t easy being the Reverend of this here palace of worship church, when you got to get here, preach, kick ass and take names!!”

“Number 9. Hair Salon and Spa Fund. I don’t even want to hear it! Y’all know why!!! Do you really expect me to do my own hair and nails and keep this perfectly tanned body of mine without blemish all by myself? Don’t I need to be in tiptop condition to get through a rigorous sermon? Didn’t you just see me chip a nail by giving Sister Slut, I mean, Sister Schlut a beatdown? How in the hell can you begrudge me a month at the Spa when the only way, I said, the ONLY way… that you have a snowball’s chance in hell of not going to hell is by my showing up here and YOU listening to me deliver the ‘good’ word to you? You don’t want to get through the pearly gates? What are you sitting up in here for? By listening to the word, you get a guaranteed spot in the heavenly paradise that awaits you on the other side of this here earthly realm that we’ve all got to leave at some point. I’m here to get you across! Now listen up! There will be NO further outbursts in here! Brother Mafio and Brother Thlug are just itching to do some knuckle dusting. Now try me!”

“No. 10: Reverend Give Me All You Got’s Salary Fund. This here is THE most important fund of all because as you know, my time is valuable. I had to go through an entire one day class to become ordained to preach all up in this palace of worship and how many of you can say that you are better educated than I am? Hands please? What? The hell you say! How the hell is all six hundred of you smarter than me? Say what? A degree? It’s hot as hell outside! The degree is up there in the triple digits. This is exactly the ignorance that I spoke about two months ago. Don’t come up in here, knowing you ignorant and then try and tell me that you got a degree when we all know that a degree is related to the temperature. And I had to tell you just how hot it is outside. See? This is why you’re going to hell! Trying to act like you educated and you don’t even know about temperature! How do you expect the heavenly ‘father’ to put up with you In all of your ignorance? Child, come here! I got to lay hands on you!!! Now, repeat after me, ‘I am an ignorant sinner, not fit to kneel in front of the good Reverend here and I beg forgiveness for displaying  my ignorance for the entire congregation to witness. I am now going to put more money into the Reverend’s Salary Fund because the Reverend knows best!’ Was that hard? Now go sit the hell down!”

“Those are the ten commandments that the congregation is to adhere to. The Reverend is THE most important member of ANY church, especially this here palace of worship that I’ve, I mean… we’ve built here. The saving of souls has been my duty and my obligation for many years and I do not take my duties and obligations and responsibilities lightly. Why do you think that we have such an upstanding record in our community? It is because of me! Our sins! Strike that, YOUR sins are kept secret thanks to me AND all of your many vices remain hidden on my tapes. I have only had to resort to blackmail twelve times. Now then, let us pray before we depart these holy and sanctified walls of this palace.”

“Thank you for bringing the heathens to me so that I can show them the light, the truth and the word. The word is power and the word is money and through power and money, will they be led to the light. We need a lot of both to keep the sheep, I mean, the flock in line. Strike that! The congregation that is, need to understand that the only way to get through the ‘Pearly Gates’ is through handing me money. Strike that! The way to get through the ‘Pearly Gates’ is in doing the good deeds of seeing to the Reverend’s needs and funding accordingly. We fight an uphill battle, but the saving of souls is our business…uh is our goal, not to mention raising more money for the Reverend’s Vacation Fund and that IS the truth! Amen!”

“Now, get out!” “No, not you, Deacon Look Damn Fine!” “Uh…I mean Deacon Lukedamfine!”

“Wait a damn minute!” Who the hell struck ‘good’ out in front of my name? I got some tapes to rewind and then some more ass-kicking is about to commence!”

“Now THAT concludes this sermon for Sunday, September 22nd! Now get the hell out!”