The Day Before My Birthday!

birthday

The day before my birthday
is a melancholy one.
I sit here contemplating
what I should do for fun.

Would a trip to New York
be just the thing for me?
 Or should I relax in the tub
and go on a shopping spree?

As I reflect on my life,
I wonder what would I miss
if I never saw another day?
 Would I still live like this?

Did I ever touch one single heart
or let someone know I cared?
Was I always just too shallow
since love, I never shared?

What a loveless life I’ve lived.
With no thought for those I hurt.
I just pack and move elsewhere
like some twenty year old flirt.

It’s always been about me.
I’ve never lived for another.
This aimless life, I choose
when faced with love, I burn rubber.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland

I don’t know where this came from, I really don’t except for the fact that I always get a little maudlin around my birthday because of the fact that I’m on the ‘wrong’ side of 25 and each year causes me to reflect a little bit deeper and this year, I’ve gone even deeper.

I remember when I was a child, I could not wait for my birthday because we were treated like a princess for the day; a big birthday party with so many friends over and lots and lots of gifts and all my favorite foods including my favorite cake. And now, it’s like, WOAH! What the hell??!! It’s like before I can blink twice, it’s my birthday again and all the gifts and hoopla still don’t make up for the fact that I’m getting older and older and feeling it. Oh well. I’ll get over it. I just wondered if anyone else over 25 experiences anything similar or do you just take it all in stride. I hope not too many are like me who cannot dwell in the present, but must forever look back on the past and compare it to today, most unfavorably.

Sometimes, I Wish I Had A Heart To Break!

broken heart

Sometimes, I wish I had a heart to break.
I have never known love; I hear it’s about give and take.

Whenever I thought I was in love, it turned out to be just lust.
And if I am to go through life without love, then I must.

Now, I am not saying that I have had no relationships at all.
I am merely saying that when it came time to end, I took no fall.

I did not feel any ache or loss that should have hit me deep.
My doomed lover would look at me as though he expected me to weep.

What a disappointment I must have been for I could not manage one tear.
And each time, I walked away with eyes, not red with tears, but crystal clear.

No, I am not bragging or pretending that this is normal in any way.
But I read so many stories of lovers having parted at the end of the day.

And each took something away with them of a lesson learned,
that even though love was once shared, in the end, they got burned.

Yet through it all; the heartache and the tears, they would do it over again;
 endure the highs and the lows and when it’s over, take it on the chin.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland

And no, I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am just wondering at what I have been missing since lovers speak of having gained from the experience of love and loss and how it may be difficult, but in time, they eventually pick themselves up, dust themselves off and get back on that particular horse. I always wonder about something that has never affected or infected me, like love. And please, please do not state that I have just not found the right one and that the right one will fall into my lap when I am least expecting it. I do not wish it anyway. I am not capable of ‘deep and true’ love or I would know it by now. I have no ‘love’ to give. I am far too selfish, apparently. I have other sterling qualities, if I may be so bold as to toot my own horn, but none of us are perfect. *wink*

I Am Searching For Something I Will Never Find

watching

I am searching for something I will never find;
a love so pure and ethereal of some kind.
Lost in a dream world of fantasy and books;
tired of love based on money and looks.

Earthy passion has no place for me.
Too scared I’ll get up with an STD.
Only lust and sex are intertwined
and to believe any different is asinine.

The times we live in are scary as hell.
And then you find yourself alone as well.
The man you think of as only yours
is out driving around in search of whores.

But you say you love him and you need a man.
You need wisdom because he has a plan.
He will use you and he may speak of love
while knowing full well what he’s guilty of.

When he is in your bed, he is thinking of her.
You see, he is a pro and you’re just an amateur.
And you turn to him and you look into his eyes,
not even seeing the telltale signs of lies.

Oh yes, the times we live in are scary indeed.
He is your addiction, on which you feed.
And he is one more reason to lose all trust.
You see, men will be men and they’re all ruled by lust.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2016 Shelby I. Courtland

Ladies, be careful out there. Because this is real, as real as it gets. Men are ruled by lust, lust for power, money and sex. Anything else is secondary and that means, you. Just take a look around. What do you see? Who are called, ‘the powerbrokers’? How many times have you heard of ‘The Boy’s Club’? Oh, it’s exclusive, alright and it ‘excludes’ you. You are to only be seen at the proper time and under the proper circumstances. Men tell you what to look like as in how many cosmetic surgery procedures you must undergo to achieve ‘the look’ as established by men. Men tell you what to wear, how to style your hair, even down to the stiletto heels you must wear because men have decided that you must suffer deformities in order to look sexy and you do it. You do everything men tell you to do and quite frankly, I wonder is it really for love or for something else? Search within yourself, you’ll find the answers. And many of you, already know them. Be honest with yourself and about what men want and what they are.

Love Yourself, No Matter What!

love3

She looked at the world through a veil of tears.
She felt she’d wasted so many years.
Her enemies hung her out to dry.
They told her, she would never fly.

With broken wings, she fell to the ground
and she never uttered a sound.
She accepted the lies they told.
She bought everything they sold.

She would stop after each false start;
afraid to follow her own heart.
She blamed the shit in her life on fate;
felt she’d waited ‘til it was too late.

Life had surely passed her by.
And she never questioned, “Why?”
But what she failed to understand
is that life can never, ever be planned.

There are pitfalls and highs and lows,
and those you think are friends are foes.
Never settle for second best.
You’ll feel cursed and you’ll feel blessed.

So love yourself, no matter what.
Hold your head up girl and strut!
Turn, “I can’t!” into “Yes, I can!”
And stop listening to the lies of man!

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland

©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

 

There is so much goddamn shit going on in my life right now that I had begun to doubt myself and my strength because as much as I rail against the injustices I see perpetrated against the innocent every single day, I felt impotent. I have let myself become jaded, pessimistic and my attitude became that of a defeatist. I wondered what happened to my fire; to my spirit. Had all that makes me ,me, fled? I truly felt so! Have I recovered? No, but I am working on it! I will pick myself up, dust myself off and so long as there is breath in my body, what weapons are at my disposal, I will use them to fight back. I will not surrender to defeat! Never!

A Slave Woman’s Lament

slave woman3

I’ve been down so many lonely roads
and I’ve scuffed so many shoes.
I’ve sat on old tree stumps
and I’ve quietly hummed the blues.

I’m just a tired, old woman now
with the wisdom learned from living.
And if you ask for my advice,
take from me what I’ll be giving.

There’s no secret to a long life;
 no magic formula to keep you going.
It’s not about how hard you work.
Just do your best to keep love growing.

I could tell you that it’s easy,
that it’s all a piece of cake.
But you need someone to love
and when he’s gone, it leaves an ache.

You feel it down and you feel it deep.
It hurts to even think.
And when you try and keep it in,
you just might turn to the devil’s drink.

My man, he done left my side
and I want to be with him.
And so I walk these lonely roads,
I wait for the light of day to grow dim.

My eyes have turned so yellow.
No more suffering will they see.
I’m now down to skin and bone.
Soon, no more worries will bother me.

There he is, I can see him.
He’s waving for me to come.
I’ve reached my final resting place.
We’re where the slavers stole us from.

Together, we walk hand in hand
towards the blazing sun.
We cross the burning plains of home.
Our new journey has begun.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

To All The Men I’ve Never Loved

tears i shed

To all the men I’ve never loved
and though most of you are dead
when I look back on my life
not much good can be said.

I see your faces in my mind
and I heave a great big sigh
as I recall those looks of love
that I let pass me by.

What of me was there to love?
I was never nice to any of you.
Love, to me was for fools
and each month, the fool was new.

Today, a song reminded me
of all that I have missed
because I was young and I was dumb
and that your love, I simply dissed.

Oh how you chased me, relentlessly
and I kept running away.
Now your bones have turned to dust
when there is much, I’d like to say.

What the young don’t understand
is what I also failed to know
And that things don’t stay the same.
What we reap, so shall we sow.

The lessons I have learned
have come too late for me.
The love I never returned
was just not meant to be.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

The Rose Of Black Is Sacred

the black rose

Though forever is forbidden
and love can be a stranger.
In my darkest of dreams
there is a sense of danger.

Oh, what beautiful roses!
They mark the edge of never.
And push to the limit
 a bond, I cannot sever.

Here, there is no summer,
no magical, sparkling night.
In the dark, I cannot find you,
though I try with all my might.

I am on a collision course.
My soul, I bared to you.
I could not play it safe,
this rose of the blackest hue.

I may be Black, but I am not dead,
My thorns are sharpened blades.
And when I prick my enemies,
over the cliff, their blood cascades.

Who are these beautiful roses?
No one knows from whence they came.
They appear to claim their own.
We are one, we are the same.

The rose of Black is sacred
and must never be allowed to die.
A virgin river feeds it.
Petals open to the sky.

Bird of night, go fly away.
For you are not our prey.
and though the rose is strong,
not one innocent, will it slay.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

The Negro IS the Black rose! And whatever is not harming the Black rose, in turn, will not be harmed. But the Black rose has the sharpest of thorns, but keep fucking with it and your ass will get pricked!

Cars And Boats And Gold Don’t Matter!

car boat gold

When I’m gone, I’ll miss the sunrise
that can’t warm the coldest grave.
When I’m gone, I’ll miss the ocean.
I’ll not ride another wave.

When I’m gone, I’ll miss the flowers
that I never smelled anyway.
I just took them all for granted
and now, they bloom while I decay.

When I’m gone, I’ll miss the love
that I never did return.
I was too busy earning money
and your love, yes I did spurn.

When I’m gone, who will miss me?
Will my boss for whom I’ve worked?
And will my children come to see me
after they’ve covered me up with dirt?

Before I am gone, I must realize
what is important and what is not.
It’s time to love and smell the flowers
before they lower me in my plot.

Never think that there’s tomorrow.
for it may never come.
Cars and boats and gold don’t matter
when for you, death beats the drum.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

Every now and then, I try and take time out from posting about all of the horrors that we are besieged with every day; whether it be from genocide, wars, poverty, inhumanity, racism, hate, materialism and I could go on and on. Think of all the people that set out yesterday, heading to their jobs or to school or wherever and think of all the people that you see, staring down at a phone while walking into you or into a pole. Think of the people that lust and never love. Think of all the people that are busily attempting to amass a fortune and yet, have no idea what it is like to sit down and simply breathe and know what it is to love and to be loved. Think of all those people that have dropped dead and they really had no idea what was really important.

There is nothing so important on the screen of a phone because if it is, why just a few decades ago, were we having no problem in not having a phone everywhere we go? Now, it is unthinkable to even walk around the house without knowing where the smartphone is. It is unthinkable for many to stand outside for a few moments and look up at the sky if you don’t live near a park. It is unthinkable for many to remember that there is more to life than expensive cars, boats, big houses and bulging pockets. When we lost sight of this, we lost a lot. And I for one, don’t think we will ever get that back. More’s the pity. But I post this anyway. Maybe, someone can recall a time before smartphones with apps told us how to live, what to eat, where to shop and who to ‘like’.

Before The Drums Of Autumn Beat…

Image courtesy of: artbyjpp.com

Image courtesy of: artbyjpp.com

Before the drums of autumn beat,
I’ll spend summer by the sea.
Lying upon a sandy beach,
you bring the temptress out in me.

A thousand guilty pleasures,
I’ll take them as they come.
A goddess of the night,
to my charms, you will succumb.

I was born out of defiance;
a temptation, I cannot fight.
We blend perfectly together,
such passions, we ignite.

All along this broken road,
wandering aimlessly for miles.
I’ll charm you with obsidian eyes
and bewitch you with my wiles.

A spell I cast so long ago
on Hell’s Highway, I made.
My soul I gave to him that took
all that I had to trade.

I’ll return to you always
without a shadow of a doubt.
Midnight’s games we’ll surely play
under love’s sweet gushing spout.

So wait for me, I won’t be long.
I have my duty to perform.
But I will come right back to you
in an otherworldly form.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

Do not ask. I have no idea where this one came from or even what it means. It has been said that people who are creative are insane. This could then, be the reason. And now, I can indulge in ‘maniacal’ laughter.

Know Your Enemy!

 

 

 

Malcolm X2

They make the rules for you to obey.
They hold the cards because they’ve got it that way.

They don’t play fair and they never will.
They break their own rules, but it’s you they kill.

They gave you a number and they gave you a name.
They sold your body and they did it without shame.

They made you a slave for you to clean up their mess.
They destroy your home and they say its progress.

They take your culture and they turn a profit.
They have you bowing and worshiping their prophet.

They try to steal everything you are.
They rule over you and they go too far.

They judge you and they say that’s fair.
They fill your days and your nights with despair.

They will always be your enemy number one.
They hate the beautiful dark ones kissed by the sun.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

Malcolm X knew who the enemy was and he was killed for it. Yes, I know, the Nation of Islam killed Malcolm X and if anyone believes that the U.S. government had no hand in it, then believe this; there are no guns in Texas! Malcolm X was called many things; radical, racist, an angry militant separatist, but despite all of this, he was always right on point. The truth, he told, got him assassinated. The truth gets you buried and if that means, to be set free, then it is a most fucked up way to be set free!

Sigh, here is the latest evidence of who OUR enemy is!

White SC officer charged with murder in black man’s death

Dramatic video that shows a white South Carolina police officer shooting a fleeing black man after a traffic stop has led authorities to file a murder charge against the officer amid public outrage over a series of deaths of unarmed black men at the hands of law enforcement agents.

The video shows Scott falling after the shots and then the officer slowly walking toward the man and ordering him to put his hands behind his back. When Scott doesn’t move, Slager pulls his arms back and cuffs his hands. Then he walks briskly back to where he fired the shots, picks up an object, and returns the 30 feet or so back to Scott before dropping the object by Scott’s feet, the video shows.

Walter Scott may have tried to run from the officer because he owed child support, which can lead to jail time in South Carolina until it is paid, Stewart said. Scott had four children, was engaged

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/white-sc-officer-charged-with-murder-in-black-mans-death/ar-AAaA2kR

..to be continued….