If You Are Mentally Ill, A Drunk Or A Drug Addict, The Army Wants YOU!

 

And no, this is not fake news. I only wish it were.

Army Now Accepting Recruits With Serious Mental Illness!

WASHINGTON – People with a history of “self-mutilation,” bipolar disorder, depression and drug and alcohol abuse can now seek waivers to join the Army under an unannounced policy enacted in August, according to documents obtained by USA TODAY.

The decision to open Army recruiting to those with mental health conditions comes as the service faces the challenging goal of recruiting 80,000 new soldiers through September 2018. To meet last year’s goal of 69,000, the Army accepted more recruits who fared poorly on aptitude tests, increased the number of waivers granted for marijuana use and offered hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses.

What the fuck??!!! Because the Army is having problems meeting recruitment goals, the Army has now lowered its standards even further to include those who self-mutilate, are bi-polar, suffer from depression and abuse drugs and alcohol. So, I guess Army recruitment centers will now be set up in mental health clinics all across the United States. Army recruitment centers will be set up where Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are held. Army recruitment centers will now be set up where Narcotics Anonymous meetings are held and where folks line up to get their methadone.

But according to the Veterans Administration, 20 veterans commit suicide a day. In 2014, the latest year available, more than 7,400 veterans took their own lives, accounting for 18 percent of all suicides in America and this occurred BEFORE this new ban was lifted and so this will add to those who take their own lives since they’ll already be mentally ill or be vulnerable to mental illness and suicide BEFORE they’re ever sent through basic training.

The whole world should be laughing at US because what most of us have been saying all along has now been proven; the fact that we have a military that is so useless, it is laughable. No wonder every military action undertaken by the U.S. has failed in recent decades and continues to this very day. The U.S. military couldn’t effectively round up ants at an ant farm because the U.S. military is filled with an inept bunch of drug-addicted, mentally ill, suicidal rejects from grade school and the situation is about to get worse AND how!

There is no way in hell that I would join the military and expect some self-mutilating, depressed and/or bi-polar, drug addicted alcoholic to watch my back. I’d be more concerned with what was going on behind me in the ranks of my so-called fellow soldiers than I’d be concerned with a ‘foreign’ enemy I was facing. If I said that I was appalled, I would be lying because this does not surprise me; not in the least. I have been saying for quite some time and in no uncertain terms that our military is as ill-prepared to fight and win a war as new born babies are.

So, go ahead! Sign on the dotted line and when you’re killed, it will not be because some foreign terrorist sent you to meet your maker, it’ll be because one of your fellow soldiers, who was already screwed up in the head, went berserk and murdered his entire outfit and then turned his gun on himself because in the heat of battle, he forgot to take his psych meds. And for those who are drug addicts and are sent over to Afghanistan to guard opium…..uh….excuse me a minute, willya while I get up off the floor over laughing at that one! A heroin addict is supposed to stand guard over a poppy field and not go nuts for that opium? Are they fucking serious??!!! LMAO!!

I literally find this all quite laughable because there is no way in hell that with this shit coming down the pike, that I would suit up and head to foreign lands to be backed up by essentially, the blind, the crippled and most definitely, the crazy! Join the army? Indeed! But know this, don’t act as though you weren’t warned because even though the Army has been keeping this on the down low, do yourself a favor and research “Army lifts ban recruits of people with a history of self-mutilation, bi-polar disorder, depression and drug and alcohol abuse!” And if you don’t have a problem with someone sitting behind you taking a razor blade to their arms while you’re in a warzone, sign up. If you don’t have a problem with someone going through such a serious bout of depression as to be thoroughly useless in a warzone, sign up. If you have no problem with a drunk, shaking so bad because he can’t get to some booze and he’s holding a gun pointed at you, sign up. If you have no problem with a person who is a recovering heroin addict, guarding poppy plants beside you in Afghanistan, sign up. And good luck with that! DAYUM! I just cannot stop laughing because you are SO dead! But do you really think that those who put this all into play are going to be standing right beside you with folks such as these? Hell no! They’ll be safe in their beds while you’re sitting somewhere hoping that the guy next to you is not a heroin addict, is not into self-mutilation, is not suffering from a bout of severe depression today. But as they say, “Keep hope alive, that is…until YOU’RE not thanks to the depressed dude who went off his psych meds while in the middle of a warzone!

Real News!

 

President Donald J. Trump stunned Twitter today when he tweeted, “I would like to host Kim Jong Un at Mar-a-Lago soon.” Right on cue, Dennis Rodman tweeted, “Invite me and I will translate for you!” Not to be outdone, Trump tweeted, “No need for you Rodman, I speak Asian!” The staff at Mar-a-Lago has been instructed to ready the Oriental Room for Kim Jong Un. Special instructions have also been given to the chef. Special food items requested by Kim Jong Un include the Mar-a-Lago chef’s version of the Whopper, the Grand Big Mac, the Wendy’s Double Burger and two Sonic styled corn dogs. Kim Jong Un stated that due to sanctions against North Korea, he is unable to acquire these treats and he has always wanted to sample  American fast food. The poor man knows not what he is in for. And after eating these American ‘treats’, war WILL soon follow.

Now this is quite a turnaround from, “Kim Jong Un is a very, very bad hombre and North Korea has got to go ‘boom-boom’,” was Donald Trump’s response when questioned about what he intended to do with North Korea’s rogue leader before heading to a rally in Pennsylvania this past Saturday. Trump told his supporters that North Korea was a very real nuclear threat and that if diplomacy fails, a nuclear confrontation will ensue since all options are on the table. It has been reported that the North Koreans were keeping tabs on Trump’s whereabouts on Saturday via a spy satellite installed in space by the Syrians as the spy satellite was behind the Syrian regime’s victorious offensive against the 59 missile barrage leveled at them by the U.S. military. Only two missiles actually struck close to their targets. All others struck a nearby junkyard containing old Toyota pickup trucks that were discarded by ISIS members.

In other news, officials in Afghanistan changed their initial reports that 94 insurgents had been killed by the MOAB(Mother of All Bombs) to only 2 and that Trump ordered the MOAB to be dropped on camel corrals and chicken coops in the northern province of Nangarhar. Two shepherds; one who was in charge of herding the camels and one who was feeding the chickens were killed. Animal rights watch groups are crying “Fowl!” since this was in clear violation of the “Do Not Bomb Camel Corrals And Chicken Coops Agreement.” The ICC is expected to take the matter up next May. However, no one in Afghanistan is said to be holding their breath that anything will come out of this other than that more MOABs will be dropped on innocent animal targets.

A spokesperson for the Taliban announced that the U.S. military was in violation of its policies to end the drug trade in America by refusing to help them destroy the poppy fields in Afghanistan. The Taliban has accused the U.S. military of lying about its mission in Afghanistan. The Pentagon weighed in on this and was quoted as saying, “We are in no way attempting to stop the flow of opium from Afghanistan. Our mission is to see to it that not one Afghan citizen becomes addicted to opioids and the only way to insure this is to assign U.S military soldiers to guard the poppy plants and to make sure that when they are harvested, they are sent directly to the United States whereupon they will be burned immediately.” Meanwhile, a fierce battle is raging between the Taliban and U.S. soldiers over a Monopoly board game that was destroyed while both were fighting over the poppy fields in Bang-a-tart. A Clue game was flown in from Saudi Arabia in an attempt to get the two sides to forget about the destroyed Monopoly board game and to instead, focus on solving a centuries old crime of “Who shot the butler?”

Meanwhile, on the home front, malls and retails stores have been in the news recently for shuttering their doors by the thousands. The store closures are on pace to set a new record and this phenomenon has been blamed on Amazondotcom. It has been suggested by multiple economists that Amazon is simply stealing sales from brick and mortar stores since there are no poor people in America and rents have been on the decline for decades. However, a new problem has emerged; one that has upset Donald Trump, greatly. GM announced to Trump this morning via Twitter that “Big summer shutdowns loom for US auto plants as sales sputter.” As many of us had heard, Trump took the credit for keeping automakers in the U.S. But now, Trump is accusing GM of trying to make him look bad by claiming that sales are sputtering and plants are going to close for weeks on end this summer. Trump had this to say to GM a few minutes ago. “GM is trying to steal my thunder and I wont have it. Sell those cars!” GM had no further comment in response to Trump’s latest tweet. But a leading economist, Herbert Wreck told Real News that the car sales sputter is not really a sputter since people have been buying their cars on Amazondotcom and that Amazondotcom posted revenue in the billions last quarter on car sales alone. And thanks to Amazondotcom, the American economy is gaining traction and this will counter any suggestions of an upcoming economic downturn.

On another note, Pepsi is in the spotlight again. It would appear that on May Day, there were multiple protests all across the U.S. But in Portland, Oregon where protesters tried their best to mimic Kendall Jenner’s role in a recent Pepsi ad by attempting to hand the cops a can of Pepsi, the reaction that Kendall Jenner received from cops was not quite what happened to the protesters in Portland. One protester, who was dressed just like Jenner, extended a can of Pepsi to a police officer, who just completely ignored the ‘olive branch’ that was extended to him. Upon realizing that the police would not accept a heartfelt gift from the Kendall Jenner lookalike, the protester then threw the can of Pepsi at the police and a riot ensued whereas multiple cans of Pepsi were sent flying towards the police line in front of the protesters. Several people pulled out their smartphones in an attempt to reach Kendall Jenner to beg her to come to the protest and hand a can of Pepsi to the cops since it wasn’t working when others tried to follow her lead. Jenner was unavailable and sent Caitlyn Jenner in her stead. This switch appeared not to go over well with the police either and several arrests were made. Since the police had no idea which holding cell to place Caitlyn Jenner in, Jenner was released after receiving an admonishment from the police to refrain from participating in any future protests. Jenner agreed and left the scene in an unmarked Hummer.

Meanwhile, Pepsi protesters were loaded into police vans and hauled off to jail, charged with inciting a riot by insisting on giving cops Pepsi and for refusing to disburse when ordered to do so and for causing damage to a patrol car and several police uniforms. The protesters are calling on the Pepsi Company to pay their bail and for the damages caused by the Pepsi cans that were used in their attempts to befriend the police by asking them to enjoy a Pepsi with them instead of getting beaten and arrested by them while they were exercising their right to peacefully protest. Apparently, people do not understand that commercials do not reflect reality; especially Pepsi commercials featuring Kendall Jenner. No word as yet on whether or not the protesters bail and damages will be paid for by the Pepsi Company.

In local news, a new and daring act that would rival anything done by daredevil, Evel Knievel, two fools in Baltimore, Maryland hitched a ride on the back of an MTA bus and rode it around town and residents when questioned what they thought of this,  were aghast while others laughed and said, “It’s what I intend to do whenever I don’t have bus fare.” A police spokesperson weighed in stating, “We are still looking for these two and when we find them, they will be charged with being stupid, it carries a fine of $20.00 and two months probation. This should discourage others from attempting this foolish stunt.”

And so that, folks, is the ‘Real News’ for today. Stay tuned for upcoming segments of ‘Real News’ brought to you weekly.

The War In Afghanistan Is Not Over!

protecting that poppy

The war in Afghanistan is not over,
since an occupying force remains.
The government lies again,
and not one military whore complains.

I’m not buying this load of bullshit,
when 10,000 boots are on the ground.
If the conflict is really over,
why are those whores still hanging around?

They’re guarding those poppy plants,
for a growing worldwide demand.
Yep, the good ole red, white and blue,
is still smuggling in contraband.

Now go sell it out on the streets,
so they can bust your ass real quick.
You’ve got to learn that it’s their game,
and they sell it, brick by brick.

There’s a methadone high just waiting,
for the junkies strung out so bad.
Get your ass inside a clinic,
you will make Big Pharma glad.

They’ve got everything you need,
because now you’re getting high.
You’re locked in good and tight,
and you can kiss your ass goodbye.

The government is just a cartel,
running drugs in every hood.
And if you think you can escape,
then the CIA ain’t doing what it should.

Oh, we’re the good guys, that’s for sure,
and you can take that to the bank.
Just don’t try to cash the check,
because it ain’t even worth a franc.


Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

U.S. Ends Its War in Afghanistan

President Barack Obama has decided to keep nearly 10,000 U.S. troops in Afghanistan after 2014, but then quickly pull them out over two years.

The U.S.-led coalition in Afghanistan ended its combat mission Sunday, marking the formal—if not real—end to the longest war in American history.

The new, slimmed-down allied mission, Campbell said, will be called Operation Resolute Support. Back in Washington, the Pentagon said its piece of the new mission will be called Operation Freedom’s Sentinel.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-ends-its-war-in-afghanistan/ar-BBhiyou

Ah…SENTINEL! What does that word mean?

sen·ti·nel

noun: sentinel; plural noun: sentinels
1.
a soldier or guard whose job is to stand and keep watch.

verb
1.
station a soldier or guard by (a place) to keep watch.

So, they’re now calling it ‘Operation Freedom’s Sentinel’. Well, we know ain’t no goddamn ‘freedom’ of Afghan people going on, not as long as even 10,000 U.S. troops aka whores are stationed in Afghanistan. What I do know is that since the U.S whores have been stationed in Afghanistan, poppy production has skyrocketed. So, it would appear that what’s being freed is the poppy plant and so since it would appear that the poppy plant seeks freedom, there must be a sentinel to protect its freedom, thus ‘Operation Freedom’s Sentinel’ was born. Stand guard over the poppy until the poppy is ready and then when it’s ready, give it a nice ‘free’ plane ride outta Afghanistan. I gotta hand it to ’em, they got a way with words. They fucking spin it ’til the majority of Americans are too goddamn dizzy to see what the hell they’re up to. No worries, step right in, I’ll stop the fucking spin!!

Don’t Call Obama A Monkey!

obama and kim jong un

To North Korea, he’s a monkey.
It’s the worst they could have said.
He can order endless drones,
and strike freedom and justice, dead.

Can I call him a torturer,
since you know that shit ain’t right?
And can I say that he’s a liar,
or is that another slight?

He’s a drone ordering bastard,
and he makes Dick Cheney proud.
He never closed Guantanamo.
We’re still underneath that cloud.

Chelsea Manning rots in prison,
on some bullshit charge, you know.
But don’t call Obama a monkey,
Why that shit is just too low!

Never let it be said,
that I uphold a bully
But hands down on this,
I back North Korea, fully!

I’ll call him what he is,
he’s a puppet for the rich.
I’m not politically correct.
I call him, Massa’s punk ass bitch!

Now, go the fuck off over that!
Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

All across the blog world, I see nothing but, “North Korea Called Obama, A Wicked Black Monkey!” “This is horrifying, so damn horrifying! Stop the goddamn presses! Oh how fucking shocked I am! Ain’t that just shocking!”

Seriously? The U.S. is most likely responsible for the shutdown of North Korea’s internet service. The U.S. just released a movie via Sony Pictures about the assassination of North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-un and because a statement, supposedly from an ‘unidentified’ person (probably Donald ‘show me your birth certificate’ Trump or from Arizona Sheriff Joe ‘stop immigration’ Arpaio) that reads: “Obama always goes reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest,” everybody’s gone insane over this stupid shit!

The Obama Administration continued the Bush era bank bailouts, AND the torturing of innocent people, the world over, is ongoing. The Obama Administration initiated a coup in Ukraine, murdered Muammar Gaddafi, is aiding and abetting Israel’s slaughter of innocent Palestinians, is most likely responsible for the missing MH370 flight and is culpable in the downing of Malaysia flight 17. The Obama Administration is responsible for escalating the production of poppy in Afghanistan that is destined for the mean streets of every shitty city in America, has aided and abetted in gutting the safety net for millions, has aided and abetted in the increase of child poverty and homelessness all across America, increased the incarceration rate of Black men on bullshit drug charges, put into play a militarized police state complete with armored vehicles from Iraq and Afghanistan, drone strikes multiple nations’ people on a whim, killing thousands of innocent people, has not closed Guantanamo and we want to get all hyped up over “Obama always goes reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest,”?????!!!! Are you fucking kidding me!!

Thanks to the Obama Administration and ITS shit-stirring, we just may be headed for war with Russia, China and North Korea which would mean our total and complete annihilation and a bunch of nutcases are screaming over a ‘monkey’ comment as if that is the absolute worse thing that many ‘AMERIKKKANS’ have EVER said about Obama!! HELLO! Get fucking real! You ain’t outraged!! You’ve fucking said worse, so cut the bullshit!!

I fucking swear, Americans continue to take STUPID to a whole new level!!!