Dog Damn Near Licked His Owner To Death

When I was growing up, we had dogs, hamsters, birds, fish, rabbits and what all else, I can’t even remember, but never did I think to have any of those pets lick or peck at me, but I must say, I have seen more white folks allowing dogs to lick them in the face and all I could say was, “EWWWWWWW!” And apparently, “EWWWWWWW!” it was.

Man has 4 limbs amputated after dog lick leads to severe infection, report says

A 48-year-old man with a history of good health and who has spent his life around dogs was forced to have all of his limbs amputated after contracting a rare blood infection that likely came from his own pooch.

“This infection in his blood triggered a very severe response on his body,”

The infection caused Manteufel’s blood pressure to drop, and the circulation to his limbs decreased, causing those limbs to turn black.

Dawn Manteufel said that within one week, her husband’s legs were gone, followed by more surgeries to remove portions of his hands, and then half of both forearms.

“Furthermore, all areas of Greg’s body and tissue was affected by the bacteria and the sepsis, the [doctors] say his nose will need extensive repairs, which means he will need plastic surgery to rebuild a new healthy nose,” a post on the family’s GoFundMe page said. “Greg is going to need several more surgeries, lots of time and his family by his side to get [through] this life-changing event.”

So, a man needs a GoFundMe page because he allowed dogs to lick him all in the face? Let me get this straight, this man who knew that dogs licked their ass, balls and other assorted parts that would be filthy as hell, allowed dogs to lick him in his mouth and all over his face? Dogs will even sniff another dog’s ass and I am going to allow a dog to lick me in the mouth and all over my face? For real? I am not going to ever think that there could be a potential problem to me for allowing a dog to lick me in the mouth and face while knowing that I’ve seen dogs lick themselves to hell and back? I am just going to assume that Fido goes into the bathroom and gets my toothbrush out of its holder, brushes his teeth and then comes to me and licks my mouth and all over my face? I am going to assume that those doggy treats that are supposed to clean a dog’s mouth are going  to do just that? Well, I don’t think this dude believes that shit anymore.

This man’s life is basically over. His nose has been eaten away by bacteria. His arms and legs are gone. He can’t even wipe his own ass, but maybe, when his wife gets tired of wiping it for him, she can just turn him over and call Fido and Fido will be more than happy to lick his ass for him. I can just hear dude’s screams now. “Just fucking divorce me already! Why are you doing this to me?” Yeah! Wife is sticking by hubby now, but it is my guess that she is going to get mighty  tired of smelling the rot coming from her hubby’s body. She is going to get mighty sick and tired of trying to clean what’s left of his putrid flesh. Those vows that included, “For better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” goes stale when there is no “for better,” and there is only “for worse,” and “in sickness.”

And when those medical bills start piling up and even the GoFundMe page money dries up, all bets are off. Dude is going to be lying in a third rate nursing home so fast, he won’t even know what hit ‘im. Even though he has a son, how long is that son going to put his life on hold to feed, bathe and care for dear, sick dad? Run errands for him? Pick up his groceries? Take him to doctor appointments? The whole nine yards? Yes indeed, that is going to get old quick! And when asked about how his dad got so sick, the son is soon going to respond, “because the stupid prick went and allowed himself to be licked by a damn dog and now he expects mom and me to wait on him hand and foot. Well, I’m outta here!” But the thing is, mom and son are going to collide with each other when trying to get through the front door with their luggage, leaving dear old hubby and dad lying in bed wailing for some food, a clean diaper and some Glade Plug-ins.

Let this man’s condition be a lesson to all of the white folks out there who just love the taste of a dog’s ass, balls and other unmentionables because though you may have been told that a dog’s tongue is cleaner than a human’s, is it really? And for those of you humans who lick butt and then plant kisses on each other’s face, I’d be careful too if I were you because it would seem that tongue on ass, balls, dick and then on mouth and face can lead to what’s depicted above. Take a good long look at the above picture. One day, this could be you and believe me, no one is going to deal with the sight and smell of that for long because in the words of Tina Turner, “What’s love got to do with it?”

‘Trophy Wife’


How long will my looks hold up?
And when will he stop considering me, his ‘Trophy Wife’?
Today, I was told that I didn’t look a day over 35.
Tomorrow, I’m making an appointment to go back under the knife.

My personal trainer helps me keep fit.
I nibble on a piece of lettuce at every meal.
What I wouldn’t give to eat a bowl of ice cream,
and for just a slice of chocolate cake, I’d kill.

If only he would stop eyeing those younger girls,
and love me for all that I’ve given to him;
two sons and a daughter and my devotion,
but those younger girls, what I wouldn’t give to be them.

Tonight, I must make another great impression.
His boss is coming over to seal a deal
and he has laid out for me to wear,
a little black dress and shoes with a stiletto heel.

Sometimes, I think he’d prefer it if I broke my neck,
as I teeter across the carpet serving up hors d’oeuvres.
I bet his secretary is all set to take my place
if my boyish figure begins to form curves.

I wonder if the other ‘Trophy Wives’ are like me,
always doubting their ability to hold on to their man
and if they too, long for the forbidden slice of chocolate cake,
or have they no problem keeping up this pretense of love as long as they can?

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2017 Shelby I. Courtland