Attention: All House-breakers!

White House1



I will be going on vacation from August 14th to the 24th. My address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC. Now, before you attempt to break in, let me warn you that I have a security detail that will be left behind at the house. However, if you bring prostitutes, they will become easily distracted. Also, bring some meat. I have dogs and the kitchen staff will be left behind to keep an eye on them and to feed and water them. However, all knives have been locked away and the kitchen staff is forbidden weapons of any kind. So enter by way of the kitchen door, if you intend to attempt a break-in. The security code is 66666666. I know, I picked a really, really hard code. Don’t forget to stop off by the Lincoln bedroom because there are many artifacts in there that are priceless and I don’t want them taken. Under no circumstances are you to enter a secret room that is located directly beneath the Oval office that is near the south lawn of the house.

There is a door that has red paint splashes all over it and this door, you must not enter because it leads to a secret tunnel where you will find the Osama bin Laden false flag operation setup. You will also find bin Laden ‘gelling’ in his Doctor Scholl’s fitted sandals. You will also find the studio where the ISIS beheading videos are made AND the blueprints of the Twin Towers that we bombed on 9/11 which is part of the reason why we had to bomb the Pentagon so as not to have to pretend to offer up some lame ass excuses as to why the Pentagon lost trillions of your hard-earned tax dollars. Not to mention, you will actually find the missing $8.5 trillion dollars that the Pentagon lost. Do not touch anything if you have managed to get to this point. If you have, then I must warn you that you will come to a vault that also needs a secret code in order to enter it and I am not going to reveal. It is 495860430. But I didn’t reveal the code; my alter-ego did, so that absolves me from spilling the ‘code’ beans. Enter that code and you will step inside the vault. To the left of you, you will notice that there is a raised dais and on that dais are two telephones. One is black and the other one is white. Do not under any circumstances, pick up the white phone as that will immediately blow Texas and Ted Cruz clean on up off the map and leave a crater in its place. I refuse to tell you what will happen if you pick up the black phone. It is too horrible for words, but let me warn you, it could endanger the entire planet’s ecosystem. Oh my bad! I already picked up that phone. So, no worries on that score. Now then, where was I, oh yes, if you walk twelves paces, you will come to the very center of the vault and there you will find all of Ukraine’s stolen gold reserves. When I sell the house on November 8th, 2016, I plan to take that with me to a vacation island that I’ve managed to buy thanks in part to all the bribes and kickbacks that I’ve earned throughout my many years in politics.

I am sure that by now, you are wondering why the floor is littered with balled up paper. Well, if you reach down and pick up a piece, you will see that those are divorce papers that my wife has had drawn up, times too numerous to count but because we are in DA HOUSE, we’ve got to keep things, hunky-dory, if ya know what I mean. Anyway, you can burn those papers because I’m going back to Kenya(where I was born) just as soon as I hand the keys over to the next puppet and after a suitable amount of time has gone by, I intend to dispose of my nagging ass Chicago ghetto hood rat wife and take the kids and the dogs. My wife and her dear motherfucker can just get ta steppin’. Also, I am going to make Kenya, a gay-friendly zone, even if I have to become president there to get it done. I have already laid the groundwork with my recent visit there. So, all it’ll take is a bit more of a push from me, Kenya’s native son, to complete that which I have set in motion. I put Kenya on the map and don’t those folks over there know it.

Fuck Hawaii. I’ll still go there to golf every now and then since Oprah is so nice about having us at her digs. In case I need to hide out from the ICC, which really has no bite to it anyway, seeing as how the ICC hasn’t found its way to prosecuting my predecessors for war crimes. I see no reason why I should be held accountable for drone striking wedding parties in Yemen, resulting in the deaths of countless innocent women, children and men and making orphans out of children in Iraq and Syria, Pakistan and Yemen. Oh and house-breakers, you will also find a golden sword that was gifted to me by the Saudi royal family, gifted to me because of those great beheading videos that my staff made, with my knowledge and consent, of course. Bush left his behind also and so please don’t steal that one since I promised him that I would get around to Fed-Xing it to him just as soon as I’m done with those fake-assed beheading journalist videos.

And don’t forget, potential house-breakers, you really don’t wanna mess with my house because I’ve been known to illegally detain innocent people without due process and I have no problem with the CIA using rectal hydration on innocent bodies either. So, if you dare to attempt to house-break MY motherfucking house, be aware that I shall have my military Seal Team 6, the 999th Seal Team 6, that is, to ‘Osama bin Laden’ your ass. You’ll get a great ‘ocean view’! *wink* *wink*

Now, time to don a paisley shirt, my soccer mom jeans and board Air Force One! Aloha!

A Whore Is A Whore!

a whore is a whore

I walk the streets of every town

as a junkie and as a whore.

A car pulls up beside me

and my habit calls for more.


I suck his dick and I get paid

and out the door I go.

Another ‘John’ pulls up.

It’s nasty, yes, I know.


This has been my job

for too many years to count.

I am sick and just about dead.

And yet, another dick, I mount.


Don’t waste your time by telling me

that I’m damned and going to hell.

I’ve been there and I’ve done that.

Just look at me, can’t you tell?


Save your prayers and save your breath

for the sinners in the church.

Preach to them about sin and such

from your lofty perch.


You bind yourself in marriage

to a ‘John’ that says, “You’re mine!”

And when he wants some sex,

legal whore, you toe the line!


Never think for one minute

that he’s faithful and he’s true.

He’s just a ‘John’ like all the rest

and he always needs to screw!


He pampers you and he buys you things

and you think that that means love.

How stupid can you be?

It’s not you, he’s thinking of!

Written by,

Shelby I. Courtland

©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

 Don’t be hatin’ just ’cause I keep it real! *wink*





War Is Always Such A Blessing!





american sniper

War is always such a blessing
It never is distressing or depressing.
I know all too well that this is true.
War has been good for me and you.

You proudly give your lives up for the rich.
For us, life never is a bitch.
In a blaze of glory, you go out.
And really, that’s what it’s all about.

The drone operators are so brave
as they send little children to their grave.
Since the world has become a battleground,
the drums of war make a lovely throbbing sound.

Teach your sons and your daughters about their duty.
And one day, when they are dead, we’ll make a movie.
It will honor their brave and noble deeds.
The wounded, we shall see to all their needs.

Through war, we bring peace unto this earth.
And though you break out in dubious peals of mirth,
the last laugh will always be on you,
for none of what is written is ever true.

When we put a lethal weapon in your hand,
and send you to die in a foreign land,
your life means nothing, you should know,
but you never give pause, you just go.

War is not only just a blessing,
to us, it is also quite refreshing,
that you are so willingly prostituted,
and it’s all because you are just too stupid,
to understand that if it were not for you,
no drone would ever strike on cue!

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2015 Shelby I. Courtland

This poem was born thanks to Tubularsock’s latest blog post and what a knock-out it is! If I were you, I would head on over there because when they say that, “The truth shall set you free!” let’s see if indeed that is the case because, CANNON FODDER, WAKE THE FUCK UP! You are not honorable, nor are you brave and you’re certainly not fierce and tough if you’re a drone operator because how is your life on the line? You are sitting thousands of miles away from the target, which happens to be a HUMAN BEING and not a BUG SPLAT that you degenerates refer to them as. And those of you who have killed children, how can you even look at yourself in the mirror, much less at your own children and not see the evil and vile atrocity that is YOU?

And if you are thinking that they are going to make a movie about you, dream on! Oh my bad, they did make a movie about the honorable and the brave and they called it American Sniper. Well isn’t that nice? But guess what? Whoever gets to play your stupid ass in the movie is going to take home a Golden Globe or an Oscar for their performance, but what will you take home? Eh? What’s that? A medal? And you say you need food stamps? Are you fucking kidding me? Get outta here! You don’t need food stamps! The elites pay well for you to do their dirty work for them, don’t they? They don’t? My stars! Ain’t that a bitch! So, let me get this straight. The elite fucks send you to do their dirty work and they pay you peanuts to do it and when some Hollywood bigwigs decides to make a movie about your ‘heroics’. you’re not even invited to give your input, much less get a starring role in it? But then maybe that’s because you are just so severely wounded, you are in no position to even hold your own fork, much less learn your lines. But damn! I didn’t even think of this, the fact that you could be dead and therefore, couldn’t star in a movie about yourself at any rate! Wow! How fucked up is that? And for the poor homeless veterans, are you getting any royalties if the movie is based on your ‘war life’? Yes? No? Indeed, we all ‘NO’ what the answer to that question is or you wouldn’t be homeless.

Seriously, how stupid can you get when you know by now that America will never stop the war machine. America is THE WAR MACHINE!  When has America not been the WAR MACHINE? And let me say THIS again. AMERICA, THE WAR MACHINE, COULD NOT BE A WAR MACHINE IF NOT FOR THE CANNON FODDER, THE ELITE’S PROSTITUTES THAT ‘WHORE’ THEMSELVES OUT FOR PEANUTS WHILE THE RICH LAUGH AT YOUR STUPIDITY AND GREEDILY GRAB AND HOARD THE WEALTH THAT THEY ACCUMULATE FROM THE PROFITS OF WAR! War is a booming business for the warmongers. Ask every member of congress. Ask the president. Ask the companies that make the missiles and the drones and the armored vehicles and the military fatigues and all the other military paraphernalia that is required, constantly, to keep the war machine revved up! And please, buy those American flags and just wave ’em back and forth like you just don’t care because guess what? Those who send you off to war, including the president, don’t give a damn about you. That inept, clueless Obama wouldn’t even know how to put an AK-47 together, much less operate a drone. He is your worthless ass cheerleader, cheering you on to your death while he sits back in comfort, waited on hand and foot while you are on active duty guarding poppy plants in Afghanistan. You are away from your families because you are AGAIN, attempting to train Iraqi soldiers how to handle those pesky insurgents that America(CIA) trained. Obama salutes you as though he is doing you a favor. And you stand there smiling and grinning and thinking that you are THE SHIT when in reality, he would have you cleaned off of his shoes just as he would if he had stepped in a pile of shit. Don’t think so! Why are you jobless and homeless if Obama gives a shit? Exactly. Let that marinate!

The sad fact is that this is all a game to those who profit from war. This is all a game to those who send you off to whore your body to them by fighting their wars. Stop being Obama’s whore. He’s already got one. He doesn’t need millions more. Let him and his whore and his VP and John ‘mad dog’ McCain, and John ‘tan man’ Boehner and every other Washington, DC asshole do their own dirty work. Let those who make the war machine possible, do the dirty work; those who make the machines that kill. Let them go. Make them press the button that sends a drone across the world to kill an innocent child, man and woman.

For the cannon fodder prostitutes that make it back all wounded and shit, don’t make yourselves look even worse by allowing them to use you for an infomercial about Wounded Warriors. You just look stupid while they have you begging some stranger to send money to help you get a wheelchair. You chose to go, now deal with it. You’re contemplating committing suicide because you can no longer deal with the hell that is now your mind because of what you’ve done. I can only ask, “Was war a blessing to you?” Do you think Obama is torn over his role in all of this? Do you think that he is up at night, worrying about you? Do you think it even troubles him that as your commander-in-chief, he is ultimately responsible for the deaths of not only every American that gets killed in war, but also every innocent person that gets killed by bombs and missiles and drones that are paid for by me and every other American citizen? This is why your plight is an infomercial because that lying, hypocritical war criminal Obama could give a rat’s ass about you and your family. But go ahead, sign the fuck up, get fucked up and see what happens? Try and find Obama’s ass to send you some relief. And if you die, your family will get a nice American flag to drape over the coffin that will remain closed because what’s inside ain’t looking so good! If it’s ugly, it can’t be shown to the American people. War must forever be removed from US because when it’s not up close and personal, we don’t give a shit! But if it is in the form of a movie, why we are there! American Sniper made how much? American Sniper’ Nears $200 Million in Ticket Sales after 2 weeks. I wonder, did ‘Wounded Warriors’ or ‘Disabled Vets’ contact those who made millions off this movie and ask for donations and if they did, how well were they received? Do you wonder?

I’s A Bad Nigger!


I’ve become all het up due to reading another blog by someone that I had previously admired. But that’s all changed now. It was only after reading this particular blog that I realized that I’m really not a “good nigger!” I’s a “bad nigger!” And the reason why I’s a “bad nigger,” is due to the fact that even though I worked two jobs and all, I still managed to get to the bar and shake my booty to some old school rock ‘n roll sung by some other “bad niggers!,” and those “bad niggers,” are why the rest of us “bad niggers,” are without a goddamn work ethic. We’s just about the business of partying and doing nothing but being drag assed and lacking any incentive to work and earn our living, “bad niggers,” that we are!

But oh, how I digress. Apparently, yet another white man has written a book and according to him ‘prostitutes and bad niggers’ is why we get to enjoy the ‘personal freedoms’ that we do so enjoy these days. That is when us “bad niggers” ain’t getting shot dead on every street in America for being all lazy, shiftless and degenerate and not to mention, not having a work ethic. You know, like the slaves did. According to Thaddeus Russell’s book, ‘A Renegade History of the United States’, prostitutes from the days of the wild, wild west, pirates and other renegades such as “bad niggers” that refused to abide by the puritan work ethic are why we once again, enjoy so many ‘personal freedoms’.

Now, I haven’t read this goddamn book and I have no intention of doing so, however, from my understanding, prostitutes back in the days of the wild, wild west earned so much goddamn money from whoring themselves to every cowpoke and miner that staggered through a saloon door; they were able to open up businesses for themselves. But apparently, those businesses must have been covered up by volcanic ash like Pompeii since the whores of today are still walking the mean streets of every shitty city in America and a John is knocking the shit out of ‘em. Of course, I am quite sure that someone can do a google search and find that some whores got a booming business going on, problem is though, why ain’t that shit caught on good and proper like? Why are there so many whores still ‘working’ these cold nights and living on the edge and are strung out junkies filled with STDs? Is it something they’re missing out on that the whores of the wild, Wild West days knew about.

Before I go any further, I am going to repost my comment from the other blog here.

I take exception to Black people being lumped in with prostitutes. I am sick and tired of some white man coming out with a book that’s about HIS take on Black people and that ex-slaves were lazy, lay-a-bouts with no work ethic and that’s why we have ‘personal liberties’ and that prostitutes were just having a grand old time getting filled with disease after disease because let’s just overlook the fact of STDs while the whores were getting it on with every cowboy and miner in town and anything and everything that could still get a boner after chugging down a fifth of rotgut and yet, the prostitutes still managed to survive drinking like a fish and contracting STDs to get rich and own businesses and such like. And today’s prostitution is the same. Look at all the whores that have their own business. They’re not still selling their wares on every street corner in America. They’ve managed to change the laws due to their connections with their highfalutin clientele to get a whorehouse on every corner right next to a liquor store and a Chinese takeout joint. <–Heavy on the sarcasm) Because make no mistake, strip clubs are owned for the most part by men. So, where are these prosperous whores? What happened to all of those businesses that they owned from getting all rich from whoring?

Now, I also take exception to being considered a shiftless, lazy and "bad nigger!" I have worked two goddamn jobs, walked back and forth to work with the soles of my shoes gone but I still managed to find time to get to the bar after work and dance to some rock and roll sung by Black artists. Oops, my bad, sung by "bad niggers!"

So far, everyone that's commented has had a grand ole time exclaiming over this book by some white dude that's once again, slamming Martin Luther King Jr., because he strutted around in a suit and tie and didn't sag his pants thus causing the whites to get the lynching party together. Well, newsfuckingflash, the whites still got the high powered hoses and hosed him and many other "good niggers down," they also did sic dogs on the "good niggers" and they of course did indeed, jail the "good niggers." What the hell difference did it make as to whether we were perceived as a "good nigger," or a "bad nigger" to the whites. We's all "bad niggers," according to the whites. And excuse my lack of grammatical skills and all. I'se just spent so much time down at the bar being all lazy, shiftless, amoral and, you know, being a "bad nigger!," that I've just bungled my edumacasion and all, doncha know!

Every Black body that's been in America since slavery brought us here has contributed in some way to any advances that some perceive that we have made. And to keep categorizing and labeling us is just the end of enough. How many times do white people get labeled and categorized? I am tired of white people defining us and writing our history. What the fuck do they know about our struggles and who did what? We know and that's all that needs to know because we will never get any acknowledgement from whites for what we do, no matter how much we accomplish. We'll just continue to get labeled, "good niggers" v. "bad niggers!" and I am frankly sick of this tiresome shit because according to whites, there really ain't no "good niggers!" They'd just as soon put ALL of us down for being "bad niggers!" And according to many whites, "The only GOOD nigger is a DEAD nigger!"

Any motherfucking body can write a goddamn book and call us any goddamn thing they want but when I see some dumb ass shit, I’m fucking calling it out and I don’t care who originally posted it because I’s a goddamn “bad nigger!” Bu-leee-dat!!!!

A Renegade History of the United States by Thaddeus Russell

“Calling into question our assumptions about liberty, democracy and the founding of the US, this book tells how drunkards, prostitutes, ‘shiftless’ slaves and white slackers, criminals and other outsiders shaped society. It is revisionist history at its best.” – The Guardian

Now, let’s help this ‘white’ know-it-all sell his goddamn book, shall we?

Military Whores!

Those 'military whores' seem eager to torture innocent people after an illegal invasion of their home.
Those ‘military whores’ seem eager to torture innocent people after an illegal invasion of their home.

Look into your eyes, dear soldier.
Now tell me what it is you see.
In the mirror, the image that is you
is hell looking straight back at thee?

You picked up a weapon to fight.
Never thinking what it might cost.
Your soul is now black as coal
and that line you once drew was crossed.

There is no turning back again.
A clear conscience, you will never know.
You fought for some smoke and mirrors
and now your mind is a paralyzing foe.

So, think twice, dear warriors before you sign.
All the glory that they claim will be yours
will leave a taste that won’t ever go away
as they turn you into military whores.

Written by,
Shelby I. Courtland
©2014 Shelby I. Courtland

Yes, keep prostituting yourself because that is exactly what you are doing. They pay you for the use of your body and you use that body to kill. The only difference between you and a street prostitute is that you kill with a gun or a missile or maneuvering a drone while they kill via STDs. Don’t pretend to hate prostitution, you’re engaging in it and most willingly. Why don’t you stop whoring yourself out? Is the ‘pay’ that good? And how great of a ‘pimp’ is Obama, commander-in-chief of the military brothel? Think about it and get back to us on that, willya?