Turned Back!

moved on

I’d moved on to greener pastures and thought to leave my cares behind,

but the homeless and the sick, I cannot wipe them from my mind.

 

They moved in with me, stared me down and staked their claim.

I sought to turn my back on them. Oh God, to know such shame!

 

A royal flush, I did receive and with lady luck in tow,

how could there be no thought that what I reap so shall I sow.

 

Fortunes come and fortunes go and blessings in abundance,

and if I am not careful, I could soon get my comeuppance.

 

There are those who have no voice and would like for me to speak.

Am I then to turn my back and forget the poor and weak?

 

I so tried not to care; but I must find a way,

to get my act together and to not sit out this play.

 

I am but one and don’t I know that there is much to do.

I need my friends to help me. I need each one of you!

 

Written by,

Shelby I. Courtland

© 2013 Shelby I. Courtland

How many times I have tried to stop, to let it go, to try NOT to care, to be so busy that I have no time to concern myself and still I must continue, I must care! From time to time, I will still post that which will come, that which MUST come. The haunted that I have seen, they will NOT be denied! They cry out for a voice and so I must speak!

20 thoughts on “Turned Back!

  1. Shelby, You need your friends? Your friends also need you. Quite a lot. And so do all these people and needs you so clearly see and care about.

    “Powerlessness and silence go together. We…should use our privileged positions not as a shelter from the world’s reality, but as a platform from which to speak. A voice is a gift. It should be cherished and used.” –Margaret Atwood

    Not that I’m lecturing – just a reminder of things you know as well as any of us.

    “It is within the power of writers and artists to do much more: to defeat the lie!” –Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

    Defeating lies seems a tall order. But what the hell. We might jusst as well try. Who knows what we can do when we set our minds, and hearts, and our combined strength to the task? – Linda

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    • Linda, what can I say? Though I move so far away, I must take ME with ME and I cannot run away from who I am. I sought to forget and to know no concern, but that will never be me, not again. I came from that background, but I am no longer that person. I must ‘turn back’ and do what I can. And yes, I will always need you one and all as I consider each of you, a dear, dear friend. You never fail to lift my spirits, comedian that you are and between you and Tubularsock, you’ll both have me in stitches again before too long. I just know it!!

      Thank you Linda!!!

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    • Ahhh, my darling, lovable funny as all hell Tube!!! You are always in my corner, no matter how obnoxious I get, no matter how angry I get. You are one of a kind, thank goodness. I don’t know what we would do with two of you(you don’t have a twin, do you?). Have mercy!!! LOL!!!

      Bless your heart!!!!….and thank you ever so much for just being YOU!!!!!

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      • – you can’t abandon us now — we will absolutely need your strength and smarts, just in case there MIGHT BE … Twin Tubularsocks! Merciful heavens, what an idea. Socks do generally erupt in pairs, but … even one Tubularsock is some formidable character. Of course, two of them might be, er, twice as nice. But double trouble seems more likely. (In a good way, of course.)

        But having thrown out this daunting possibility, you must stay and help us cope! Pretty please? – Linda

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      • Thank you Shelby. You know it may seem scary but with Tubularsock’s multiply personalities one never knows exactly just how many Tubularsocks are out there! And yes, “just being me” we collectively thank YOU ………….

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  2. Ah, Linda socks come in twos if you only have two feet. Tubularsock has a drawer full of socks …….. now what could that mean?

    I’ll stand with the “double trouble” with multiple feet with on usually in Tubularsock’s mouth ……. on a good day!

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  3. P.S. Shelby, did I mention how glad I am to have you back with us? It’s been way too quiet without you! Which is clearly not a problem now, what with … sock drawers stirring up trouble and all. Happy days! – LLF

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    • You two are incorrigible and I hope I spelled that correctly! I once stated that I am a ‘wilting flower’ and no one believed me. I have wilted so damn much that I am getting on MY nerves. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me! I have always been a fighter, have always considered myself to be strong, have overcome adversities that many have stated would have felled a weaker person and yet, I am languishing and drowning in gloom and doom. I just had something quite wonderful happen and I cannot state it here because since I am from the south, we southerners are SOOOOOO superstitious, that we will let me see…not hang anything on the doorknob for that is a bad luck thingy. We of course, cross ourselves when a black cat crosses OUR path. We do not walk underneath ladders. We do not place our purse on the floor as that is a superstition involving if you do that, you will never have any money. If a squirrel crosses our path, that is bad luck. Need I continue. I am surprised that I can even make it out of the door without walking backwards, holding my purse over my head and shooing squirrels and black cats away.

      Someone get me ‘superstitions’ busters!!! Seriously, I am always seeming to be having a meltdown! I guess you guys can predict when I will have the next one, maybe the next full moon? No, that is when I go outside at midnight, lift my head and start howling. AAOOOOOOOOHH!!!

      Geesh! It sucks to be me!!! How do you guys put up with me????? I beg forgiveness for being such a lame brain!

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  4. There you are!
    Young lady, you. are. grounded. You’ll be doing a lot of laundry this weekend – mostly old, unmatched tubular socks’
    _____________________________________
    Shelby, sometimes you have a mid-to-late 19th century voice,as in your post today, including(especially) the bit of prose at the end. I always find it endearing (in a respectful way) .because it is never affected. Which makes me curious to know what you read as a kid

    Claite

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    • CClaire, thank you! And yes, I should be grounded for I have been a very, very baaaad girl!!! I am SO bad! LOL!

      I have always been fascinated by Victorian and Regency England and when I was growing up, I read ALL things of England. It has rubbed off on me and quite often, even in conversation, I find myself using words that I have read so many times. It has been stated that people who have a ‘southern’ accent can mimic other accents extremely well. My English accent is quite good, right down to the very English words that I often inject in conversations. My mother and my other relatives despaired of me because they said that I got fancy ideas from those books I read as my head was always stuck in a book when I was a child and even today, reading is my favorite past time. When I started running away at the grand old age of 15, of course, books got the blame. According to my sister, my mother and my cousin entered my room and looked around and stated, “it’s those damn books she reads!” “Why would she leave all of this to go traipsing off all over the place?” It wasn’t the books, but it gave my mother somewhere else to lay the blame for when I took flight.

      Also, I have always been considered an ‘old soul’ and I love things that are of the past and of a time when we weren’t so disgustingly disgusting. Some say that I am so ‘proper’ in my speech and quite often I was considered to be a ‘walking, talking dictionary’ but be that as it may, it truly is not an affectation, it is me. And thank you for the compliment. I do hope that all is well with you! I sincerely do CClaire. I still can’t help but recall what Jeff wrote regarding what happened to you and it just makes me ache for you and what you must have gone through and how you cannot forget that which has been done to you that was so very wrong! Take care of yourself, please!

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  5. Ha! “That which has been done” Go, S.C.!

    Going through it was not that bad. I expected the DA and the corporate suits to act like thugs. It was afterwards, and since then that I didn’t recognize the world … I don’t know. I think there are times when people aren’t SUPPOSED to be all right…
    Hey, what do you think about writing this poem when you are wilting/melting down: you wrote that you had gone thru stuff many people said they couldn’t have endured. You are so good at speaking out to express anger on behalf of people who for various reasons are not heard. So if you were not heard during one of those experiences to which you refered, you could speak out now for the girl you were then. And get really pissed – on behalf of your OWN self.
    Which can be a revolutionary act.

    If you have already written such poems, and all your readers except me have read them, please be merciful and try to make me look smart, even though I’ve just made a fool of myself. Also, if you are a poet who doesn’t take requests, please overlook my faux pas. Hope I spelled that right.
    Okay, okay, I’m leaving, I’m leaving….

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    • No, don’t leave! It is quite alright. Some things I have written about. Under domestic violence, I wrote about my escaping a brutal marriage. Under the heading, charities, I’ve written about being in a fire and how I could barely get help from the so-called disaster relief agencies, i.e., the Red Cross. In Memoriam, I wrote a poem about the recent death of my baby sister. I’ve also written about the fact that my mother has never had a motherly relationship with any of her daughters and my dad was an educated drunk who whored around and cared nothing at all for us.

      But please do not feel that you should know all of this as it would take quite some time to go through the archives and find that which I have written about myself and what makes up my background. Actually, you have started a poem forming in my mind. It is still taking shape, but it will come together. It is I who must thank you for that inspiration as much of what I write that is any good is due to inspiration that I receive from others and encouragement. Again, you are ‘right’, apparently, many of us are not to be ‘alright’. Those of us who feel, really feel can never be alright with what we see when we look around. That is I think, my biggest problem and the fact that I think it is all so very hopeless. Sigh…! There I go again! Doom and gloom, I cannot escape it.

      Take care, Claire!

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  6. Shelby, this is great news indeed! I was hoping you would return. Your fire is too strong to succumb to embers! Be strong and if you need anything, please don’t hesitate 🙂 Be well, my friend.

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