A source imbedded deep within the bowels of the Pentagon has unearthed a secret so shocking that it could ultimately bring down the empire, America. Unlike what occurred in Rome, the American Empire will not rise from the ashes of its complete and utter annihilation. Entrusted with this secret is a lady of impeccable honesty, integrity and morality. Never has she been known to sell herself or her information to the highest bidder despite the fact of her surviving slavery, torture, imprisonment and a sloppy, wet kiss, The Dick(Cheney) planted on her ass when she told him to kiss it. Unfortunately, he proceeded to kiss her ass BEFORE she was able to complete her sentence that ended with, “But only from a goddamn distance!” Thus his need for a heart transplant since she embedded one of her 18” stiletto heels deep inside his chest!
Frau Courtland is a double agent and her double has been busily uncovering that which would have forever remained covered but for the fact of Frau Courtland’s thirst for adventure, her love of truth and her love for humanity. Much has been risked by the intrepid and resourceful Frau Courtland. She has been sleep deprived, water boarded, rectally hydrated and forced to endure indignities so deplorable, they have been removed like Hillary Clinton’s emails, so as not to be seen by the naked eye of an investigative committee, assuming that such a committee was called in to investigate what will never be investigated unless the UN steps in and sends a special rapporteur to ‘look into the matter’ just as the UN sends a special rapporteur in to denounce U.S. violations of the human rights of Indigenous Peoples and prisoners and after the denouncement, all UN official business must cease as not one United Nations nation wishes to evoke the wrath of the empire. Just ask the people of Iraq, Yemen, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Venezuela, Libya, Vietnam, the Philippines, Bolivia, Guatemala, Brazil, Japan, Ukraine, uh…need I continue? No? Of course, I needn’t.
In the process of recovering from a near drone strike, Frau Courtland, from her bed of injury,( her bed was injured as well), would like the world to know that soon, the secret that she possesses and is in possession of her, will be shared with the world. She will expose the fact of Osama bin Laden’s paradise hideout in the Polynesian Islands; yes, he is still alive despite being on dialysis and despite his alleged death at the hands of Seal Team 6. You see, there was always more than one Osama bin Laden. One of the Laden’s has managed to head up an ISIS team in Syria. Another Laden is on a mission to terrorize the people of Iraq. And still another is headed to the nether regions of Siberia to duke it out with the Ruskies.
Unbeknownst to the world, the U.S. has been secretly kidnapping small children for the sole purpose of promoting orgies for Bill Clinton, Karl Rove, the Koch brothers, John Boehner, John McCain and the list is endless. These revelations will make the DC madam look like a Sunday school teacher, which Frau Courtland was at one point in time. It took many, many years to rid her of the brainwashing that organized crime religion forced on her. But Frau Courtland’s will was stronger than any stories of fairy gods in the sky or of a man that walked on water, not to mention, a man that parted the Red Sea. And even when she was forced by her undercover assignments to deal with neo-Nazis, Frau Cortland was never once seen extending her arm and shouting, “Heil Hitler!” Her cause was a just cause. Her cause was the finding out of the truth and identifying the shit stirrers behind the rise of neo-Nazis in Ukraine, not to mention she infiltrated a CIA secret facility that was set up to clone The Dick and that facility is located off the coast of Monstrously Tortured Island in the middle of the Indian Ocean where The Dick and his ilk carry out untold abominations on innocent, unlawfully detained secret prisoners. They boldly torture with impunity and The Dick’s loud and lascivious laughter can be heard far away at an outpost in Siberia when upon hearing this raucous sound, the residents blanch and dive for cover, even the Laden.
The proof of these vile crimes against humanity will be brought into the light of day where they will begin to smoke and the stench of evil must be cleansed for the only way to purify evil is by fire. And the day of reckoning fast approaches. Fear not, for the reign of terror is near at hand. America must descend into the depths of Hades. Soon ALL shall be revealed! Oh damn! You guys already know about all of that. Never mind then, I’ll keep digging until I can reveal something. Anybody got anything ‘cause I got nothing? I forgot to mention, I am now German. Apparently, I have a ‘German’ look about me, or so I was told the other day. Ain’t no goddamn “Heil Hitler!” coming from me and that’s for damn certain! Does Frau Courtland have an evil sounding ring to it? Eh? Just as I thought! “Mein Gott!”